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[文书-求改] 第二版的sop 求拍 求改啊

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wangryan 发表于 2014-8-31 15:39:15 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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Statement of purpose
When I was about fourteen, my mother boughtme a fancy bicycle. And from that day on, every night after finishing myhomework, I always fetched a little bench sitting next to my bicycle. And usedall the tools I can find at home, such as wrenches, hammers and lubricant, todo some “experiments”. I adjusted the gap between wheel and friction disk,added lubricant on the gear system and improved the comfort of gear shifting.If the outcome failed to satisfy me on the next day, the “experiments” had tobe repeated. In retrospect, it is obvious that my strong interest in doing workrelated to machine was developed from that period and my persistence was trainedby that educational “experiments” as well.
In 2011, I graduated from Wuhan ForeignLanguage School and was admitted to the department of Power and EnergyEngineering in Wuhan University of Technology, which ranks top amongengineering programs in China. In the first academic year, due to much focus onstudent activities and various contests, I didn’t pay enough attention toacademic study, I ranked only 13 of 35 in my class. Motivated by the shame and myeager to excellence, I poured huge endeavor into my academic study in thesecond academic year, and reaped what I sowed. I ranked among the top 10% in mydepartment.  
During the undergraduate study in mycampus, I constantly strived to improve myself, and kept a good GPA of 3.65(5.0). I have taken the course named Principle of Internal Combustion Engine,in which I got the basic understanding of engines with steps and dominantemphasis; from the course Signal Analyzing and Processing, I learnt to show aworking condition graphically and from the course the Emission and Control ofInternal Combustion Engine, I come to realize the vitality and difficulty oflow emission of engine. Besides taking courses in classroom, I have devoted tomyriad experiments and course designs, I have designed a gear box and heattransfer independently, I tested the load and velocity characteristic of a twocylinder diesel. And in a semi-noise reduction lab, I managed to analyze theworking condition of a diesel with numerous data detected by various sensors.Taking such specialized engineering course have definitely provided me with asolid foundation for working at the interface between theory and reality. Besidestaking courses required by our training plan, I also attempted to extend myscope by undertaking some extra-curriculum projects. By doing so, I wanted toestablish a more comprehensive perception of how the theoretical knowledgecould be applied to practical uses.
While class learning equipped me with basictheoretical knowledge, project experience led me on the road to academicmaturity. In the second academic year, I started a project with four otherfellows under the guide of professor Yang (one of my referees). We devised athree way valve triggered by human’s infrared signal detected by infraredsensor. And it is controlled by two time relays, used to maximize theefficiency of the system. We spent most of a summer vocation buying electric parts,inevitable tools and another 3 months assembling various parts together in theelectric lab. Through wiring, welding, and testing all by ourselves, the wholesystem was functional as we expected. And it won a second prize in our campus sciencecompetition. From that experience, I understand the importance of team cooperationand persistence towards goal. Meanwhile at that time, I managed to apply for professorLv’s lab (one of my referees) for further enlargement of my horizon. I haveobserved how master and doctoral students do their experiment on diesel engine(such as ETC testing and so on), and how they attended to problem that emergedunexpected. No matter how heavy my academic work at that time, whenever theyhad a discussion meeting, I would always join their discussion in purpose ofnew knowledge.
One of my challenges come in the thirdyear. I cooperated with friends from the department of Computer and Science ona project on image procession. It was really a challenge for me. I accepted itand thus get a deeper understanding of image and signal procession. Based onthe technology of image processing, we proposed a new method to count cells onthe image of microscopic cells with high level of recognition. To preciselycount the number, our method included edge detecting and marking, efficientusage of three channel information of enhanced nucleus, binaryzation of dynamicthreshold in separated areas. The experiment showed that our method was preciseand quickly-reacted, moreover it could effectively rule out the impact ofimpurities.
Looking back,I’ve already dealt with a range of relevant issues such as mechanicalvibration, image and signal procession, and have got familiar with a number ofexperiment techniques towards internal combustion engine. These researchexperiences have opened a door towards the scientific world of engineering forme. Looking forward, I will definitely devote myself to this area and hope tomake a contribution to a variety of essential issues.
My current interests lies in mechanical engineeringbut not limited to. I am now engaged in my internship (next semester theinternship begin). By my scrutiny of your departmental website, I am glad toknow that you place great pride in your interdisciplinary work ethic andprovide a variety of resources, especially so many excellent labs, which notonly matches my academic background, but also aligns well with my interest andpassion. In addition, it has a promising future and I really expect tocontribute to this area. Therefore, I’m eager to be a part of your program,since the interdisciplinary training and strong academic atmosphere willcertainly help me become a successful researcher to make discoveries in thisfield.
Others judge me by what I’ve done, but I hope youjudge me by what I am capable doing. I have overcome challenges over and overagain when others don’t think I can. I am positive that the graduate trainingfrom your program can equip me with great insights and strong expertise, andTAMU will definitely be the place where I can realize my dream.

lc2010 发表于 2014-8-31 18:15:20 | 显示全部楼层
感觉第一句when 14 是不是有点老套 。。。。好像是那种 when i was really very young....
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 楼主| wangryan 发表于 2014-8-31 20:56:12 | 显示全部楼层
lc2010 发表于 2014-8-31 18:15
感觉第一句when 14 是不是有点老套 。。。。好像是那种 when i was really very young....

对啊 我也觉的有点老套,应该直接一点??
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lc2010 发表于 2014-9-1 19:39:06 | 显示全部楼层
wangryan 发表于 2014-8-31 20:56
对啊 我也觉的有点老套,应该直接一点??
. 1point 3acres 璁哄潧
我个人感觉~ 是的  不过我英语很渣。。
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muybienw 发表于 2014-9-16 20:08:57 | 显示全部楼层
中间有个inevitable,意思有点别扭,建议换成needed。同样最后一段的judge也不太准确,这个词有点“评判”的负面含义,可以换成consider。

另外,lz最后写realize my dream,但是dream是啥感觉看不出来。purpose这一块写得比较general,我觉得如果能提出想要继续学习的方向,说明TAMU的哪个lab、prof或者course很合你的意,你以后想完成哪方面的研究,这些会引起committee的注意吧。
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 楼主| wangryan 发表于 2014-9-18 14:16:56 | 显示全部楼层
muybienw 发表于 2014-9-16 20:08
中间有个inevitable,意思有点别扭,建议换成needed。同样最后一段的judge也不太准确,这个词有点“评判” ...

恩恩。目前感觉方向不是很确定。如果只看方向对口的话,只有两个教授(发动机排放方面的)。。。听说TAMU比较好的实验室是turbo 和 power energy Lab  目前在考虑往这边靠
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