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[T作文-求改] 【求评估】TPO 25 作文

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redsilence 发表于 2014-9-5 12:22:05 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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模考时写的原样贴过来,包括拼写错误,求大家评估一下这样的水平大概多少分,及最需改进的问题。多年不写正经作文,急需有个大概的idea

小作文(伊拉克挖出些铜罐,一篇文章说这些铜管虽然能产生电流,但是不可能在当时是被用来当电池用的,给了三个理由。lecture里教授说其实很有可能是的,把三个理由反驳了。让写总结lecture的内容)

Although the article argued that the copper vessles found in Iraq is not likely to have being used as batteries in ancient times, the reasons the article provided are tenuous. When considered carefully, the vessels could well be used as batteries in ancient times.

For one, the article argued that no evidence of any type of electricity conconducting electricity was found with the vessle. However, the vessels were discorved by local villagers, not trained in archeology, they might have found conductive materials but have not recognized them and thus did not present them with the vessles. There is no further information to prove or disprove this possibility.

Secondly, the copper cylinders, though look like the ones used for holding scrolls in Seleucia, are not necessarily used only for holding scrolls by ancient people. It is entirely possible that the vessels were designed for holding scrolls but later were found capable of generating electricity and thus were adapted for this purpose.

As for utilization of electricity in ancient time, there are ample possibilities. For example, the electricity could have been used for healing, especially muscle ache and pains. Indeed, morden physicians use mild electric shock to treat the exact condition.

In summary, contrary to the article's main idea, the copper vessels found in Iraq could have been used as batteries.


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大作文

Agree or disagree-Young people nowadays do not give enough time to help their communities.


I agree that young people nowadays do not spend much time directly helping their communities. Speaking from personal experiences, youngsters in my life indeed spend most of their time in studying, in the school and after school. If they ever have any spare time, most of youngsters I know would either enjoy a little entertainment such as outdoor sports or spend the time on organizing student activities, gaining working experience as interns, or other pragmetic activities as such. I have seen few students or young working professionals take their sparing time and go to, for example, community centers to tutor younger children, to help the elderly.

However, does these phenomena necessarily mean that the youth today do not help the communities? I respectfully disagree.

First, knowledge and skills obtained in academic and social settings will certainly make the youth capable professionals. They can then generate product and value for the society, and by extention, for each community within the society. Therefore all the time they spend learning are in fact helping their communities. The books children use, the community centers the elderly play chess in, or the hospitals all people visit, are all created by professionals who have spent much of their youthful time studying and learning. And the young doctors in the hospital, the young workers around the corner, aren't they spending their time doing work and effectively helping the communities?

Secondly, "enough" is a vague concept. I would argue that the time spent working by young professionals and the value they generate are enough for helping communities. Though some people may maintain that after-work or extra-curriculum activity in community service are needed, I personally view these activities as more symbolistic than practical.

To sum up, young people nowadays may not spend much time helping their communities directly, but the time they spend studying, working and even relaxing eventually contribute to the value they bring to the society and each community within it.

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