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[PS/CV] 新农请各位大大帮我看下ps

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wujingzhishui 发表于 2015-1-23 23:11:54 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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我的本专业是ee,现在转cs申请ms了,科研经历什么的主要是ee方面的,而且偏semiconductor(谁做谁知道,读博才有出路,哎,不敢读),现在有学校交流项目,可以选solid electronic和cs,ic design,我选了solid和cs(学位ece,方向有solid和cs,其实是想申请cs但是底气不足),于是写了下面的一篇ps,改来改去总觉的不稳,主要希望没有太大问题,求稳为上,所以把ps发上来给各位大大看看,先谢过了
Electronics industry and computer science have changed our lives. In a very short period it has changed the way we have utilized to control production and communicate with people. It is the industry that is going to shape our future for centuries to come. Hence I desire to master in electrical and computer engineering. .1point3acres缃
My interest in electronics and computer science blossomed during my junior high school years. When I was in junior high school, I got my first computer with which I started my own exploration in the world of science. And it was when my parents’ nightmare began. In order to figure out the hardware of the computer, I dismantled my first computer for many times. I follow the instructions from the Internet forum and replace the original computer components with the elements with high performance.
When I was in the senior high school, I listened carefully in all my science class. I spent more time on doing exercises and training my thinking ability. The Second Prize in Physics Olympic was the best proof of my great efforts. After graduating from my high school, because of my great eagerness of computer engineering, I choose(我的学校编辑掉了), to continue my dream.
In(学校), I concentrated on my class and I find I have a good command of physics. Actually, the scores of all my courses associated with physics are more than 90, so I think I may have a gift for the field. Then comes the chance. I apply for the Science and Technology Innovation Foundation successfully and my professor, who is also my referee, arranged me as the leader of the team. I led my partners to explore the preparation of gadolinium gallium garnet (GGG) polycrystalline material by coprecinitation method and analyzed its optical property. During the procedure, I found the XDR curves of GGG had some buzzes .So I performed the experiment several times and found that after the boiling solution was cooled, some minute deposition(Ga2O3) cause the lack of element Ga, which finally led to the phenomenon. In the experiment, I not only learned how to conduct the instrument, but also got hold of how to analyze and solve the unexpected problems. In addition, the experiment allowed me to acquire some useful analysis software, like Jade6 and Origin, and gave me the opportunity to learn how to organize academic articles, which I supposed could help me in future research. The achievement of the innovation fund encouraged me to make more effort to continue my research work and build my confidence to apply your graduate program.
The atmosphere in (学校) also enhances my love of computer programs. For instance, some of my classmates applied Intel Galileo development boards and they liked to exchange their ideas about how to utilize them to accomplish interesting functions. Thus, it is very nature for me to be influenced in the atmosphere. In the first semester, learned C/C++ language by myself and used it to realize some interesting functions, such as a calculator. Then I learned to use g++ in Linux operation system and felt crazy about the open source code. Then I met a professor in the competition held by Freescale, a global top 500 company, in the last semester. During the match I had a pleasant conversation with him and he asked if I was interested in data mining. In addition, he recommended to me some famous books in the field. Then I read The Recommender Systems and became absorbed by the field. I found many websites utilize the collaborative filtering algorithm to filter irrelevant information, so they can attract more customers and boost their profits greatly. The method really interested me so I participated in his projects in the last semester. Though I entered a new field that I seldom touched before, I enjoyed the field and devoted myself to the study of the recommender system algorithms. Thus, I believe my effort will pay off.
Now I have a dream to become a well-trained engineer so that I can enjoy myself in the field of technology application as well as in the field of theoretical research. Considering my firm professional foundation in semiconductor physics and the interest in computer programming, I would like to choose computer engineering or solid state electronics as my graduate study field.The professors and alumni have made vast accomplishments in the fields of engineering, so I strongly believe that Rutgers will give me a chance to explore the abundant opportunities and possible ways for me to contribute to society in the future.

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sarimah 发表于 2015-1-24 09:58:32 | 显示全部楼层
个人意见。。。一开始拆电脑的故事有点假。。。或者都被用滥了。。。写点儿有创意的吧
这篇是中介写的吗?感觉有点缺少亮点和自己对这个专业的认识,
读起来就是感觉和大家都一样咯

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 楼主| wujingzhishui 发表于 2015-1-24 20:05:52 | 显示全部楼层
sarimah 发表于 2015-1-24 09:58
个人意见。。。一开始拆电脑的故事有点假。。。或者都被用滥了。。。写点儿有创意的吧. 鍥磋鎴戜滑@1point 3 acres
这篇是中介写的吗? ...

非常感谢帮助  情况是中介写完我改了  改了n多了  我对ee科研的描述我觉得很具体啊,也提出了解决一个问题的方法,cs那个实在没啥可写的 看了好多实在写不出来,因为我就是c++自己玩的。
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Hillary711 发表于 2015-2-9 07:28:47 | 显示全部楼层
很赞同楼上的说法,引子我觉得用的有些俗套,特别是整个文章下来,没有感觉到你的亮点在哪里呢,说的过分不要介意啊。不过我建议你可以发给W大看看,我好久前的文书曾经找过他,感觉是能写出不一样东西的。在就是前段时间申请博士的时候找了一个师姐改的也不错,没有她联系方式,只知道她的博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/hillarybetteredu
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Saiki 发表于 2015-2-10 02:23:53 | 显示全部楼层
请问这篇是你general ps 的定稿吗?如果是我觉得有些内容多余,还有些信息不足。例如,我觉得不必提高中时代的东西。如果你真的要提,我觉得一句话就够了。而信息不足方面,我主要是当这篇是一篇general 的ps/ sop来考虑的,通常最好把你的field interest(如果有的话), career objective(short-term 和long-term的), qualification (比如你上的这些课啊,你的实习啊,表现出你什么的能力啊),  why this school(课程、教授、科研等等)明确地写一下。把这些都考虑到的话,之后修改成不同学校的ps或者sop的话效率会相对高一些。以上纯属个人意见,不一定合适噢。
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leafend 发表于 2015-2-14 07:05:33 | 显示全部楼层
似乎不是很有特色?套在每个人身上都可以?建议第一第二段一定要改一下,换个例子
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hurui 发表于 2015-2-28 19:49:26 | 显示全部楼层
来学习学习,也打算自己DIY了,
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jenny徐徐 发表于 2015-6-30 17:45:47 | 显示全部楼层
谢谢分享,来学习学习~~
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piaoyangguohai8 发表于 2015-7-15 04:59:51 | 显示全部楼层
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