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[T作文-求改] 【独立】政府有没有教育人们健康的生活

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夏天不是读书天 发表于 2015-3-17 13:13:47 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The government is not education people enough about the importance of living a balanced and healthy life style.

    As the modern society develops, increasing people are concerned about the quality of their lives. And this is where the controversy arises. Some people believe that government should do better to guide citizens to live a healthy life. But opponents who deeply disagree with it argue that government has already done a good job. From my perspective of view, the latter is more acceptable.
    First, government has already put a high value on the people's health. For example, students in primary school or secondary school have physical education class and music class. And teachers of these classes are all proficient and qualified in order to make students well-acquainted with these subjects and capable to live a balanced and healthy life in the future. Besides, the government also allocates a great deal of money to build museums which enable citizens to learn culture and history for free. They also build many parks which ensure that old people have places to walk around. All these create excellent conditions for public to live a healthy and balanced life.
    Second, living a balanced life, to some extent, is a personal issue. Although primary education has already noted people the significance of health and taught them the way to live a healthy life, there are still many people who live in a bad habit. This can be illustrated by my brother who is indicated to smoking and alcohol. He has a well education and now works in a big company with a bright future. But my parents are deeply worried about his health. So, no matter what the government dos, no matter how many efforts the government makes. There is still many people who will not live in a healthy way. So it is useless for government to educate people so much.
    So many things though the government has done, there are still some things should be done by government to make the situation better. They should make some advertisements to remind people about a balanced life. Or they can even reward for the healthful behaviors and punish those unhealthy habits.
    In conclusion, since the further policy is hard to carry out and  it seems kind of undue, we can safely conclude that the government has already done enough to lead people to a healthy life.
字数:381字
ps:自己改了不少了,但还是希望能得到一些建议,关于用词和句子什么的,求狠批!!谢谢大家。

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razoe 发表于 2016-2-16 21:32:51 | 显示全部楼层
你那个让步段太短了,这么短不太好,不可以直接不要那一段,或者那一段得再写长一点。 而且我觉得你第三段不太好。因为如果是一边倒的写法,最好都写两个正面的理由,你第二个理由是说政府对每个人健康没用,这个用的是有点油那种反证的感觉,不太好。 可以理由1是政府投入很多钱在基础设施领域来使人们能够有机会去lead a balanced life。 然后可以举个例子什么在你的家乡,政府修建了很多公园啊,体育馆啊,里面有很多健身设施啊,使得在你家乡运动什么的变成了一件人人乐于参与的事情,理由二是政府投入很多钱在宣传教育领域,对于学生,训练很qualified的老师来教育,对于成年人,则在电视上,或者每个社区里都有那种口号(随便编一个)什么One hour exercise a day,live all your life peacefully“ 或者什么 an apple a day  keep the doctor away之类的。
如果再有时间,写个让步段,说即使政府做了这么多,但是还有很多人是熟视无睹的。
总结:政府为人们lead这样的life做了好多啊,因为理由1xxxxx理由2xxxxx总结一下。

不知道这样对你有没有帮助

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 楼主| 夏天不是读书天 发表于 2016-2-17 00:35:37 | 显示全部楼层
razoe 发表于 2016-2-16 21:32
你那个让步段太短了,这么短不太好,不可以直接不要那一段,或者那一段得再写长一点。 而且我觉得你第三段 ...

谢谢你的回答!Thanks
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