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[T作文-求改] 独立写作求修改3 谢谢

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supermonkey369 发表于 2015-9-13 13:44:48 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The food we ate in the past was healthier than the food we eat today.

There is a wide range of dispute about whether the food we ate in the past was healthier than the food we eat today. Some people believe that the food we eat today is healthier because of the technological advance in agriculture, while others hold different opinion. In my opinion, the food we ate in the past was healthier in fact for the reasons stated in the rest of the essay.

First of all, environmental pollution and ecological damage is more severe today than in the past. These have a direct effect on our food ingredients. The extensive use of chemical fertilizers and pesticides causes residue on what we eat inevitably, which further lead to the concentration in the bodies of human beings, because humans are standing at the top of the food chain. Several months ago, when I was enjoying the delicious fishes cooked by my mother, I found a certain fish taste funny. I was shocked and feel very threatened. After hours of online inquiry, I knew that fish was polluted by some chemical substances. This fish was inedible because the chemical substances would cause some healthy issues. The phenomenon of the funny tasted fish is more and more common today than in the past.

Apart from the problem caused by pollution and ecological damage, the cooking method is becoming unhealthier and unhealthier. Because these unhealthy cooking methods make food more delicious, so that the restaurants are able to gain more profit. In the past, the restaurants usually serve traditional poached food, while deep fried food are more popular at present, which may cause cancer latently. Meanwhile, modern people intake more fats, which may results in heart disease.

As a result, the food we eat today is unhealthier than in the past, because of not only the environmental pollution and ecological damage, but also the cooking method. To improve this situation, we should struggle to make our environment and ecology better, and encourage traditional cooking method.
LaussTsuai 发表于 2015-9-13 22:35:28 | 显示全部楼层
有些不大不小的语法错误呐,以及个人感觉issue写成层进式的结构比较好。
整体框架可以改为:首先,当今工业世界的污染导致食材的安全风险(楼主母亲做的怪味鱼);也许有人会说我们可以食用无公害有机食品,那么姑且不论有机食品价格昂贵,单就当今人的烹调手段而言,成品的食物会非常不健康,含有大量有害物质(M记、K记等快餐);最后需要注意一点的是,即使是摄入无公害、健康烹调的有机食品,如果没有一个健康的生活习惯(按时作息、适量运动等),吃下去的食物仍然对人类起不到健康的正面效果(古人生活规律,由于缺乏方便的交通工具运动量也较大。今人生活压力大,坐办公室和汽车,运动量小摄入食物转化为脂肪堆积);最后总结食物的健康与否是多方面的共同作用,天然的食材、科学的烹调方式和良好的生活习惯都会影响食物对人是否健康。
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 楼主| supermonkey369 发表于 2015-9-14 10:34:20 | 显示全部楼层
LaussTsuai 发表于 2015-9-13 22:35
有些不大不小的语法错误呐,以及个人感觉issue写成层进式的结构比较好。
整体框架可以改为:首先,当今工 ...

非常感谢你的点评,我尝试修改一下。
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