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[文书-求改] Master of Environmental Engineering PS求改!求狠批!

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Bunny小兔 发表于 2016-3-10 20:25:02 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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本人想申加拿大一所不错的大学的环境工程硕士,求帮忙给看一下文书的缺陷在哪里!!!感激不尽!!!不知道能不能给你们加大米?我待会试试吧!


Statement of Purpose
Growing up in a large developing country, I deeply realize the environmental problems in many areas in the process of industrialization and urbanization as a big manufacturer in world scale. In the west and north China, people suffer from water shortage and the security of drinking water cannot be guaranteed, especially in rural areas. I am a student from northern China and during my whole primary and secondary education period I was told to save water as much drops as possible in my daily life. When I was younger, I usually went on trip with my parents. One impressed sight is Dunhuang Mogao Grottoes belonging to GanSu province, which has thousands of ancient caves and temples with amazing Buddhist murals and sculptures. This priceless culture heritage is now threatened by lowing underground water level, grassland degradation, wetland atrophy and reduction in wildlife populations because of water resource shortage. Continuous effects for relics has emerged. Nearly half numbers of murals were bulged, changed color, crisped and even being off base. I worry about Mogao Grottoes and want to devote more to situation like this in any corner of the world. My passion comes from my deep heart inside as an environmental engineering student.
My secondary education experience lay the foundation of my undergraduate learning. In middle school and high school, getting good grades in science like mathematics, physics, chemistry and biology seems easier for me. I was a girl but thinking like a ‘boy’. I like geography so much, but at that time geography belonged to liberal arts like history. So I felt sorry I have to suspend my deeper study in geography. When I was in grade 2 in high school, I choose to be a real science student.
Graduated from high school, I am interested in Environmental Engineering (Water) as a field to pursue my career in. It is a practical discipline which derives from abstract theories and complex experiments, but it solves pragmatic issues. And I find it excellent mix of Engineering, Water Treatment and Design. It is a fast growing area with tremendous potential for research and also an increasing number of applications in today's world of Environmental Engineering. In my undergraduate study, I studied water supply engineering, sewerage engineering and water supply and drainage pipe network system. Among those, I am particularly interested in water treatment using biochemical and physical ways in different treatment processes to achieve a required standard before water is charged into river or other use. We use various methods to deal with different kinds of wastewater, such as A2O, SBR, CAST, CASS, UNITANK and OD. On the other hand, coagulation, deposition, clarification, filtration and sterilizing are regular processes of raw water before putting into use. Advanced treatment like MF, UF, NF, RO, ED and IE can reduce particulates, molecules, monovalent ions and divalent ions for industrial and medical water uses. There were two course designs related to water treatment and sewage treatment respectively: to design a simulate water treatment plant and a simulate wastewater plant. During those two course designs, I combined knowledge and methods of single building and structure altogether with appropriate elevation differences between each buildings to make water runs by gravity. The internship in JinGu Water Treatment Plant and XianYang Water Treatment Plant deepened my comprehension and know more about how the plants running. With more potential fields to research and explore, I choose the odorant treatment in sewage treatment plants as my topic in my graduation thesis.
Last year I joined a winter camp held in HKU and PolyU in HongKong, China. I was amazed by the elites and research fields in those two famous universities after taking courses and working in the laboratories with state-of-the-art techniques and products. From then on, my wish to further my study in North America, the area with enriched research resource, has become more intensive. . 鍥磋鎴戜滑@1point 3 acres
One of my friend was enrolled in UWO at fall, 2015 in Environmental Engineering. I was glad to receive some book recommend from him: Wastewater Engineering by METCALF&EDDY, Managing Water Resources by Slobodan P. Simonovic and GIS Fundamentals fourth edition by Paul Bolstad. Recently I try to find them on Amazon market. At the same time, I am happy that I can learn more about knowledge related to geography.
After graduation I plan to continue my scientific career in the field of Environmental Engineering (Water treatment and water resource). Successful research requires modern equipment and facilities which in current financial situation China laboratories cannot afford. These has forced me to look for other opportunities to continue my education. Faculty of Civil and Environmental Engineering at Western University has excellent facilities and leading laboratories in which I can fully realize my scientific interests. Environmental Engineering MEng Program Project Based is of particular interest to me. I would regard my admission to Western University not only as a great honor but also as a great responsibility and an obligation to work hard.
Myriag 发表于 2016-3-22 20:40:24 | 显示全部楼层
第一句就不通顺啊,什么东西as a big manufacturer?假如是中国的话,可以改成
Growing up in the world’s biggest manufacturing nation, I am fully aware of the environmental problems in many areas in the process of industrialization and urbanization.
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 楼主| Bunny小兔 发表于 2016-3-22 20:57:05 | 显示全部楼层
Myriag 发表于 2016-3-22 20:40
第一句就不通顺啊,什么东西as a big manufacturer?假如是中国的话,可以改成
Growing up in the world’s ...

谢谢。。这个已经是始祖版本了,,我后来又改了N回。。。
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