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[G作文-求改] 一下怒上三篇 求体无完肤地骂我

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oliver旸啊 发表于 2016-4-4 20:57:04 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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122 The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.
了解一个社会特点的最好方法是,考察这个社会标榜的英雄人物和模范榜样的特点。

Will the character of the heroes and role models chosen by the society perfectly capture the features of one society, as the author stated? Only after analyzing the question roundly and logically can we answer to it. I would like to hold an apposed attitude to this issue in virtue of the following reasons.

To begin with, it’s hard to deny the fact that the characters of role models do represent certain qualities of a society. At least, they stand for the kind of people favored by the nation or the governors. Lei Feng, a soldier always helping others, is regard as a hero by the Chinese people. From which a vital quality, morality is viewed as the most important criteria of a person, of Chinese society is revealed.

What’s more, role models always been chosen by a society to shape or guide the young people, hoping for a change in the overall population toward a better future society. Thus the features reflected by the heroes are exactly the ideal state of future lifestyle.

But, it’s unjustified to analyze and understand a nation through merely study the role models. For they only represent the positive side and hopes of that nation.

First of all, people tend to throw away the dark side of social life and reality and make sure it doesn’t appear at the role models. That’s the result of choosing the heroes as the behavior guide of young people in the society. As soon as a person becomes role models, people are actually worshiping the person without the negative habits and qualities. Simply put, neither will the negative side of a person be chosen by leadership to guide the citizens nor will it become a part of ideal person worshiped by crowd.

Secondly, the character equipped by heroes may not be a character exists. As mentioned, role models represent a future hope instead of reality. We should say the best way to understand the character of the ideal situation of a society is to examine the character of heroes. The major roles in children stories will acquire the ability that children does not, likewise, role models will do a lot of things that normal people would never achieve. For heroes are just a huge and more complex fairy tale for adult world.

In short, we can firmly draw the conclusion that while the proper way of understanding a culture is remained to be further discussed, it’s clear that merely study the role models is not an reasonable method, due to the lack of negative qualities and the fake character a hero has.

143 No field of study can advance significantly unless it incorporates knowledge and experience from outside that field.
在任何研究领域,除非有该领域之外的人引进他们的知识和经验,否则该领域就很难获得巨大的发展。

Will a field of inquiry witness great promotion without the knowledge and experience from outside? Only after analyzing the question roundly and logically can we answer to it. I would like to hold an opposed attitude to this issue in virtue of the following reasons:

To begin with, I have to admit that the incorporation of findings and principals in other subjects can play an important role in a field of study without any substantiated improvement for a long time.

Without the discovery of X-rays and the study of its unique characteristics we can never see its application in medicine. Without the study of birds wings and the structure of other flying creatures we can never see the huge machine flying above our heads. Without the needs of observation in micro-biology we can never acquire the equipment through which we discover the mystery of universe.

But, I strongly doubted that without the knowledge and experience from outside no big break through can be made, like the author suggests.

To have a better discussion on this issue, a clear definition is needed. When the outcome of a study shows great possibility of revolution in human lives or cast great doubt on the basic believes upon which a lot of things established, this kind of advance is regard as significant. And the help offered by other subjects shall not include basic mathematical and physical
knowledge.

As you can see, whether the outcome of a study is great depends on the influence and future meanings of it, instead of how it comes into being. For instance, famous ocean adventurer Nanson discover the difference between the direction of wind and that of the floe ice movement. Based on this accidentally observation, he made a great contribution to the promotion of oceanology by working out the theory about how sea water moves motivated by wind. The whole process of discovering and working it out is simply resulted by the observation without any help from the subjects outside oceanology.

Further more, if the statement is true that no big break through can be made unless it incorporates other experience and knowledge, then, naturally, any separation of field of inquiry should equals to the death announcement of it. And anyone who work in simply one area of study shouldn’t make any improvement. However, the circumstance depict above is the contrary of reality and common sense.

Finally, we can confidently draw the conclusion that while the degree of the knowledge from other subjects affect certain field of study is remained to be further discussed, it’s sure that significance advancement will occur with or without the help of “outside knowledge”.

Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.  批判性的判断在任何领域当中都是没什么用处的,除非判断来自于该领域专家。

Is it a reasonable way to regard the comments and critics come from the expert in that field as the only one valuable? Only after analyzing the question logically and roundly can we answer to it.
To begin with, it’s hard to deny the fact that critics from professors and experts make a great contribution to reveal some problems. When the governors plan to put down the ancient walls surrounding my hometown, it’s the advice from the school of reservation of ancient buildings rile up a discussion about the preservation of cultural relics. Consequently, the plan to break the wall down is substituted for refreshing the old walls so that they can stand there longer.
Further more, the criteria based on which we judge a certain comment is valuable should be defined as follow: the suggestion and critics are supported by scientific validation and we believe the advantages will far out weigh the disadvantages once the plan carried out. Obviously, the critics and comments proposed by experts would more likely to be valuable.
But, I can not agree with the statement regarding any advice or comments without a support from experts meaningless.
As stated above, the definition of a productive and meaningful judgment depends on the basic assumption and the predictable results of it. We can’t just simply deny the possibility of valuable judgment by beginners. In fact, unique perspectives and fresh ideas always come from the brain of creative young adults.it’s true that beginners lack experience and have a less sensitivity to problems. But that does not necessarily means they don’t have a chance to propose a valuable judgment.
What’s more, is it save to say that experts will never make mistakes?
Common sense and experience tell us that every person will commit mistakes even if the kind they never think to make before. Both beginners and experienced experts can be wrong. Therefore, I recommend that we accept advice and comments from all walk of lives. The more the different kinds of judgment we receive the more blind spots we can avoid. As is known to all, the different advice serve as a check on other comments. Through carefully look into the cases of each comments, the false part of the critical judgment is picked out.
In conclusion, we can firmly say that the critical judgment from experts are not the only one valuable. According to the analysis made above, it’s reasonable to take advice from all kinds of people into account.
jigsaw_Becky 发表于 2016-4-4 22:29:38 | 显示全部楼层
感觉地里没什么改作文的氛围。建议去寄托加一个gre作文互改小组之类的
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icft 发表于 2016-4-5 08:16:09 | 显示全部楼层
看了标题就点进来了,原来是改作文。。。

就第一篇说说吧, 感觉应该要更切题才好, 而题眼是understand,无论是褒还是贬都要说有助于understand或者危及到understand。而不是仅针对heros/role models说这说那要回归到understand。
因此你的第三段就应该改成 To understand the expectations of a society is vital to understand the society as a whole, and role models....

同理,第五段The dark side of a society cannot be observed simply by...
第六段Current characters of a society may... because...
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 楼主| oliver旸啊 发表于 2016-4-5 09:31:10 | 显示全部楼层
icft 发表于 2016-4-5 08:16
看了标题就点进来了,原来是改作文。。。

就第一篇说说吧, 感觉应该要更切题才好, 而题眼是understand ...

谢谢谢谢!
我对题目的把握一直都不是很到位,每次都写好多,就怕偏题
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icft 发表于 2016-4-5 11:13:31 | 显示全部楼层
oliver旸啊 发表于 2016-4-5 09:31
谢谢谢谢!
我对题目的把握一直都不是很到位,每次都写好多,就怕偏题

啊我有语法错误。。。

应该是 Understanding the expectations...

你知道我意思就行lol
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 楼主| oliver旸啊 发表于 2016-4-7 15:49:51 | 显示全部楼层
jigsaw_Becky 发表于 2016-4-4 22:29
感觉地里没什么改作文的氛围。建议去寄托加一个gre作文互改小组之类的

寄托?还没听说过啊
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jigsaw_Becky 发表于 2016-4-7 17:04:43 | 显示全部楼层
oliver旸啊 发表于 2016-4-7 15:49
寄托?还没听说过啊

寄托天下,百度搜一下就出来了。也是留学论坛,那里留学信息不行,还是要逛地理,但是那里学托福  gre氛围好些。经常有作文互改小组,没有你也可以发个帖子建一个,几个考试时间差不多,水平差不多的人一起,互相改作文
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 楼主| oliver旸啊 发表于 2016-4-8 10:46:10 | 显示全部楼层
jigsaw_Becky 发表于 2016-4-7 17:04
寄托天下,百度搜一下就出来了。也是留学论坛,那里留学信息不行,还是要逛地理,但是那里学托福  gre氛 ...

谢谢!谢谢谢谢谢谢!
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