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[文书-求改] 17Fall申MIS**PS求批!

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Sarlink 发表于 2016-11-1 14:48:30 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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无科研,无实习,所以你们应该知道PS有多虚了吧....
本科专业比较广,所以在文中一直强调的是自己的interdisciplinary background所带来的benefits,毕竟MIS本身就是个交叉学科。
之前找过一个美国的法律系妹子改过一次,结果改的....非常之吹逼....我自己之后又修了修,但总觉得很虚,因为我们学校商科很偏向管理基本上没有做什么技术活儿,所以求大家帮忙看看给点建议之类的。. 1point3acres.com/bbs
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1puGq6qlpAjWwzrXctjL7gbmEWrEd8u2twLmNQhIbITw/edit?usp=sharing

. visit 1point3acres.com for more.
补充内容 (2016-11-1 14:53):
鏉ユ簮涓浜.涓夊垎鍦拌鍧. 哦对了,我PS当中没有写为啥要去XX学校,一方面字数到顶了(500),另一方面感觉写出来也很空,比如说贵校多好多好项目多适合多适合之类的...求建议!
 楼主| Sarlink 发表于 2016-11-1 14:55:08 | 显示全部楼层
Having completed my undergraduate degree in business, I was always aware of the role technology played in the world. After all, there isn’t an industry on the globe that hasn’t been affected by or doesn’t rely on technology. The technology field began pulling at me more and more as I realized the boundless impact in the world.  As I prepared to graduate and take my next steps in life, that pull got stronger and stronger. I soon found myself focusing as much on the information aspects of my business courses as the business courses themselves. I quickly discovered that the best fit for my educational backgrounds, along with my personality, was a career in information science. I was first introduced to information science’s specialty in my undergraduate business classes. While it caught my eye, I didn’t truly see how essential it could be until I started working my way through other business classes. Each modality, be it accounting, marketing, operations, or management all had a foundational aspect based in information nowadays. It became hard to ignore how great of a fit it was for me.

Information science, especially with a data-centric specialization, is a discipline that benefits from versatility. Possessing a number of diverse perspectives and strong proficiencies in technical skills that range from statistical modeling to basic Java coding, I realized that my unique background, once perceived as a weakness, was actually my greatest strength. I quickly immersed myself in everything IS-related. This led to one of my biggest accomplishments as an undergraduate. I had the opportunity to collaborate, code and build a database and a search engine for the Faculty Senate at the University of AAA. This project increased my confidence as it intersected where my experience was the strongest: between business services and information technologies. My versatility served our team well, and I was often looked to as a technical consultant and decision maker when faced with challenges in bringing these two worlds together. In the end I was able to help our team to successfully build the bridges we needed to create such a robust database.

I once had the misperception that those whose education is concentrated primarily in engineering field are more likely to be prepared for graduate education in information science, especially when compared to someone with a rather diversified background. I now firmly believe that a student whose experience consists of a less traditional structure but still features necessary IT foundations can contribute to the field in many ways, especially in industries that rely more and more on big data to drive effective decisions. In a world where technology is dominant and advancing at breakneck speeds, it is a great advantage to have knowledgeable people who can draw upon a variety of experiences and knowledge to solve problems multiple technology problems quickly and effectively. I am convinced that I would be an asset to University of BBB, and that the diversity and high-quality education will make me a great pioneer in the information industry.

以防有无法上GGdoc的童鞋。

补充内容 (2016-11-1 15:04):
感觉是不是可以把第二段的这个project再扩写一下,一二两段再砍砍
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Demostronger 发表于 2016-11-1 14:56:49 | 显示全部楼层
Mis 项目都是要求500字以下吗?楼主如果写的是general版的是不是应该稍微写多点啊?不然言之无物。。
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 楼主| Sarlink 发表于 2016-11-1 15:01:34 | 显示全部楼层
Demostronger 发表于 2016-11-1 14:56
Mis 项目都是要求500字以下吗?楼主如果写的是general版的是不是应该稍微写多点啊?不然言之无物。。
. 鐣欏鐢宠璁哄潧-涓浜╀笁鍒嗗湴
恩...因为我申请的大概两三个项目(而且都是主申)有500字limit,其中的UPitts还是rolling,准备这周就提交,所以这一段儿就一直在搞500字的这版了...
1k版还没写出来,大概等这周过了就去赶吧,冲刺CMU的是1k我记得是..... 鐗涗汉浜戦泦,涓浜╀笁鍒嗗湴
还真不知道写啥呢,如果要写1k的话,感觉500就已经快写不出来东西了...
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空空道友 发表于 2016-11-1 16:16:39 | 显示全部楼层
一般SOP不都得加上why this program之类的吗。。  
看看学校是不是便于就业,周围大公司给我提供XXXX的机会;有牛逼的教授可以带我飞;学校提供XXX的机会有利于我加深对领域的理解;学校的课程很好,能让我学很多,弥补我xxxx的不足,  这样写一些就长了。。

另外中间你那段项目经历再展开一下把。。 你这写的太流水账了。。
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 楼主| Sarlink 发表于 2016-11-1 18:08:49 | 显示全部楼层
空空道友 发表于 2016-11-1 16:16. 鐣欏鐢宠璁哄潧-涓浜╀笁鍒嗗湴
一般SOP不都得加上why this program之类的吗。。  
看看学校是不是便于就业,周围大公司给我提供XXXX的机 ...

恩,谢谢。准备砍下一三两段顺便把why加进去,1k这点儿能写的开500的话感觉就只能一两句话在最后一段一笔带过了....
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pouh 发表于 2016-11-1 23:58:09 | 显示全部楼层
同申mis,楼主我建议你要不仔细考虑一下在学校里做过的coursework有哪些和mis相关可以来说的,说的高大上一点也没有关系。感觉现在楼主的ps太宽泛了也没有具体的经历、就像一个任何人都可以套用的模版。楼主可以加上具体做的事中的学到的东西结合你所写的品质。楼主加油!
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 楼主| Sarlink 发表于 2016-11-2 00:00:10 | 显示全部楼层
pouh 发表于 2016-11-1 23:58
同申mis,楼主我建议你要不仔细考虑一下在学校里做过的coursework有哪些和mis相关可以来说的,说的高大上一 ...

嗯嗯,现在就准备好好扩写一下第二段的project,再打磨下跟interdisciplinary这个品质呼应起来,毕竟那玩意儿做了一个学期还算是有点儿货 2333333 同加油!
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pouh 发表于 2016-11-2 00:03:57 | 显示全部楼层
共勉喽www!不过我现在写具体例子的时候很容易变成记叙了,但是看到有些ps写的差不多就是记叙,也仍然比较纠结
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lemonb 发表于 2016-11-3 16:19:36 | 显示全部楼层
感觉主要问题在于一直在说自己对这个专业的想法和理解,但是没有写出具体的东西,比如那个business课到底是啥内容,然后你做的project到底围绕什么,取得了什么可以量化的成果,解决了什么问题。还有这个项目能给你带来什么,有啥具体的吸引你的地方。估计招生官看ps也是这样粗略扫一遍,扫到亮点、言之有物的地方才会多看两眼。最近也在准备ps,这是我的一些感想,共勉~听说很多招生官都是粗略省一下材料的,需要把亮点放到最引人注意的地方。
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 楼主| Sarlink 发表于 2016-11-3 23:15:37 | 显示全部楼层
lemonb 发表于 2016-11-3 16:19
感觉主要问题在于一直在说自己对这个专业的想法和理解,但是没有写出具体的东西,比如那个business课到底是 ...

感谢建议!同共勉!
. 鍥磋鎴戜滑@1point 3 acres
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