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Organization: Very good! You had a clear introduction, body, and conclusion; however, you should try to outline your reasons in the introduction and summarize them in the conclusion.
Content: Excellent reasons and examples - well done!
Vocabulary: Good, but some awkward choices, as noted.
Grammar: Beware of errors in article usage.
其中我感觉最受用的是指出了许多awkward word choice, 例:
Also, it is difficult for students to receive these resources on their own. -> Furthermore, it is difficult for students to access these resources on their own.
First, the most important goal that student go to universities is education. -> First, the main reason students go to universities is to get an education.
另外句子开头时常重复，所以编辑改了句子也给了comments(While "but," "also," and "and" may be used to start sentences in informal writing, a replacement should be used for a more formal tone .)