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[文书-求改] 17fall美国前50ps

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RoseChan 发表于 2016-11-16 20:42:07 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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看了模版自己写的,请大神们看看~
ps在下楼
 楼主| RoseChan 发表于 2016-11-16 20:42:27 | 显示全部楼层
Personal Statement.鐣欏璁哄潧-涓浜-涓夊垎鍦
I always wonder what is the biggest barrier I have ever met. Is the goal that I should only take TOELF and GRE once instead of cheating scores by repeatedly taking the same test? Or is the examination-oriented education in the China? Or are the social prejudice of women engineer and less job opportunities for women workers? Maybe many questions do not have exact answers and all of these barriers and something I did not mention inspire people to work hard to escape from the situation and then go back to change it.
During my senior year in China, when my classmates were dying for a well-paid job or a graduate recommendation opportunity in order to stop suffering from all sorts of examination, I made a decision that I should pursue further study abroad and give up my chance of graduate recommendation even it is more easier to attend postgraduate school without any tests. I am very confident that my decision will bring me a better future and help me to achieve my dreams.. 鐣欏鐢宠璁哄潧-涓浜╀笁鍒嗗湴
Studying abroad maybe not a new idea these years in China, I know somebody just want to get a decent job or emigrate to America, but as for me, my main purpose is to feel the marvel of the whole world. In other words, I love different cultures and ideas since they surprise me how the god made diversity of races of human beings and why would people want to communicate with each other no matter how much the hindrance they are facing.
When I have heard that girls were not supposed to do the engineering work many times from around people, though my parents once thought I should choose arts instead of science, I feel it is a long-time stereotype. To break the stereotype, I decide to follow my interests being an engineer. I hope that my success of attaining master of engineering can change the idea of those people who do not want to believe that female can do the same engineering as male and then they may encourage their children, friends, and even parents to chase the their dream--“anyone can do anything.”
Thus, I chose to go to a science and engineering school. In the esteemed university--South China University of Technology, I received well-rounded training in my beloved major--Safety Engineering, the best major in China of this field. As an industrious and attentive student, I distinguished myself in my studies. The ability of independent and logical analysis rendered me with excellent marks in every subject. My GPA was 3.67/4.0 and always ranked at the top of my major. Due to my excellent academic performance, I was awarded the Second-Class Scholarship of South China University of Technology in the first school year and second year. In junior year I was awarded the Guangzhou Automobile Group Co., Ltd. donating scholarship. These rewards not only have encouraged me greatly but also manifested my potentialities of further studying.
Regarding the courses I took at the university, the General Chemistry and General Chemistry Experiment built my fundamental sense of chemical engineering; Fluid Mechanics & Heat Transfer and Mass Transfer and Separation Process (bilingual) showed me the basic principles and formulas of check and design the practical chemical procedures in real corporations; The Experiment of Chemical Engineering Principles and Course Design for Chemical Engineering Principle give me chance to use my chemical knowledge in a practical field and to feel the differences between formula and real world situation. And the Fire Proof and Explosion Prevention taught me to obey the safety rules of chemical engineering and to do my best to design an intrinsically safe chemical engineering. Thanks to a well-balanced curriculum, I built up a solid theoretic foundation while picking up practical capacity in practices.
We will still have our own time in college after attending required courses and finishing homework. So, to acquire practical experiences, I joined into the Student Research Program to search data, discuss with my team members, do spot investigation and make classification to accomplish a sound research report. For example, the Exploration of Laser Methane Distance Detector program helped me get familiar with Laser spectral analysis and the physical & chemical characters of methane and no doubt that spectral analysis is sure useful for further chemical engineering. As my major is oriented towards the safety of chemical engineering, my assignment was to analyze the measured data at the target site and then built a an algorithm, referring to the comparison between the standard figure and the measured frequency spectrum, and then out put a result according to the methane hazard concentration. After the program I feel the sense of accomplishment and I am absolutely interested in what I have done. Also, you can see my other programs from my CV or the letters of recommendation from my teachers and mentors, I am sure you will find that these program experience imparted me a lot and showed my ability of further study and cooperative researches at graduate level.
It is also worth mentioning that I used to engage in student affairs to enrich my life and attain a holistic development. With my enthusiasm and tenacity, I became a member of Student News Department in Student Union and a member of Student Career Development Association in order to pursue a different life experience in university. Indeed, study is not the only thing for a far-sighted student to do in the college, making friends and devoting oneself to volunteer job is another indispensable part of daily life. You will realize how adorable the things are only if you have played the role in serving classmates and needed people. I think these extracurricular activities (you also can see details of these activities from my CV) hint that I have the capacity in leading and enlivening the teams with teamwork spirit as well as a heart of philanthropy.
My motive of choosing chemical engineering is out of my personal interest and the wish of contributing to an easier and better world. So, obviously, the program seems very appealing to me since chemical engineering aims to help industries to produce lower pollution and more efficient products. To be more specific, in my imagination, if I successfully attend this program, I will have opportunity to study the industrial process in respect of chemical engineering and at the same time invent a intrinsically safe process to protect the workers and the people nearby. On the other hand, the high production with low cost will empower the corporation get high profit in a licit and environmental-friendly way.
I am quite sure that the training at your postgraduate program will be essential to my future career and my long-time goals. With your advanced and high-quality education, my master studies will be fulfilling and empower me as a qualified engineer who is ready for the challenges of the real world.
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coldfire8 发表于 2016-11-16 21:01:28 | 显示全部楼层
lz什么方向?感觉前面心路历程废话太多。。
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 楼主| RoseChan 发表于 2016-11-16 21:04:04 | 显示全部楼层
chemical engineering/是觉得废话有点多(要求写遇到的困难),,但是如果没有就感觉都一样了。。
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 楼主| RoseChan 发表于 2016-11-16 21:04:38 | 显示全部楼层
coldfire8 发表于 2016-11-16 21:01
lz什么方向?感觉前面心路历程废话太多。。

chemical engineering/是觉得废话有点多(要求写遇到的困难),,但是如果没有就感觉都一样了。。
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Demostronger 发表于 2016-11-16 21:08:14 | 显示全部楼层
同觉得楼主心路历程太多了。。最好早点从你们专业本身出发
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tanbowen 发表于 2016-11-16 21:21:14 | 显示全部楼层
除了中间一段=。=专业的东西 后面稍微提了motivation 其余的超过女生限制啊 放弃保研啊 出国感受异国文化啊 学生组织啊 都是完全不相关的啊 稍微提下就好了  特别是前3个……
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 楼主| RoseChan 发表于 2016-11-16 21:28:51 | 显示全部楼层
tanbowen 发表于 2016-11-16 21:21. Waral 鍗氬鏈夋洿澶氭枃绔,
除了中间一段=。=专业的东西 后面稍微提了motivation 其余的超过女生限制啊 放弃保研啊 出国感受异国文化啊 ...

前三个不也是动机么?还是说一定要写学术上或者是未来工作上的动机?
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 楼主| RoseChan 发表于 2016-11-16 21:43:50 | 显示全部楼层
Demostronger 发表于 2016-11-16 21:08
同觉得楼主心路历程太多了。。最好早点从你们专业本身出发

好~谢谢
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greenmoon55 发表于 2016-11-16 23:02:00 | 显示全部楼层
RoseChan 发表于 2016-11-16 21:28. more info on 1point3acres.com
前三个不也是动机么?还是说一定要写学术上或者是未来工作上的动机?

尽量写学术上的吧
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ronmin 发表于 2016-11-17 01:16:04 来自手机 | 显示全部楼层
明年申ChE的来看看...不知道学姐的目标是哪里啊
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windynan 发表于 2016-11-17 01:31:49 | 显示全部楼层
一亩三分地严打"顶""好贴""收藏了"之类的垃圾回复帖!被警告三次,系统会自动封杀ID!

想支持楼主,请点击帖子下方的"好苗""分享""收藏"键,酌情给楼主加大米(系统不扣你自己的分)。.鐣欏璁哄潧-涓浜-涓夊垎鍦
积分不够看不了帖子,请参考论坛导航里的"帮助","新手提纲"里有攒积分指南
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 楼主| RoseChan 发表于 2016-11-17 12:18:48 | 显示全部楼层
ronmin 发表于 2016-11-17 01:16. Waral 鍗氬鏈夋洿澶氭枃绔,
明年申ChE的来看看...不知道学姐的目标是哪里啊

美国master,,ucb。。。
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vegito2002 发表于 2016-11-17 13:14:39 | 显示全部楼层
无论文章结构还是文法都比较粗糙,想提建议感觉都没法提,叫我说都得一句一句改,建议你找个美国人帮忙仔细改一下.
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 楼主| RoseChan 发表于 2016-11-17 16:40:40 | 显示全部楼层
vegito2002 发表于 2016-11-17 13:14
无论文章结构还是文法都比较粗糙,想提建议感觉都没法提,叫我说都得一句一句改,建议你找个美国人帮忙仔细改 ...

是的,我已经找native来改了。。。
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ronmin 发表于 2016-11-18 04:18:44 来自手机 | 显示全部楼层
RoseChan 发表于 2016-11-17 12:18
美国master,,ucb。。。

嗯嗯好的 学姐加油
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