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[G作文-求改] Argument1 求狠批

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asddsa 发表于 2017-8-11 00:06:20 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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九月底考试,今天开始一天至少一篇吧。
感觉自己不足在于论证的完备性和文章字数,还有点有时找的太偏。
第一次发帖,美本的同学大约相同时间考可以回复互相监督一下,谢谢大家。

Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.




The author’s conclusion about the uniqueness of Palean woven basket may be valid if the assumptions and logic based on the fact archaeologists found are impeccable. However, it lacks key evidence to support its authenticity.

Firstly, the writer suggests that the Brim River has formed and filled with water since ancient times. As is known, the earth has gone through thousand hundred years terrestrial development. Every time a volcano eruption happens or a medium earthquake takes place, there would be huge transform in the terrestrial and natural environment. The gap of Brim River can be regarded as a sufficient reason only if the historic terrestrial transform has been examined carefully.
Another excuse given in the argument is the absence of Palean boat. As is said above, the reason is not strong enough if the river does not exist at that time. Imagine the area is a vast grassland or a tiny hill, the Palean can easily move their baskets to Lithos using a cart and some horses. Missing the sign of boat is not a must-have in such a circumstance.
Even though the scientists insist on the premise that the river had already  come into being in prehistoric times, the induction is still not convincing. They miss another possibility where the Lithos used their boats as the transportation method. If the Lithos traveled through the Brim River by their own boats and obtained some Palean baskets by purchase or accepted them as gifts from the Palean. The whole story can be completed. In this situation, it is even unnecessary for the Palean to leave their village. Then why are the scientists still looking for their transportation?
According to the analysis above, the archeologists’ conclusion is far from a proved statement. To ensure the validity, there are lots of work left for them to inspect with patience. They should look into the historic terrestrial changes of Brim River, check the trace of Lithos people and the possibility of Palean using other ways of transportation. Only by figuring out all these details can they form a situation with integrated logic chain.

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xiaofeng2688 发表于 2017-8-11 10:49:22 | 显示全部楼层
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我觉得出来这几年,还是有料可写的,我考前练了4篇,得了4.0  你问题不大啦~~
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Chxi 发表于 2017-8-11 19:10:01 | 显示全部楼层
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看写作要求,是要evidence,和evidence对结论的影响。
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