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[文书-求改] MS PS求改,马上要提交,已改几遍,求各位大大帮忙再看看,略虚。申EE和CS

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hj867955629 发表于 2013-12-4 13:19:05 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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                                                                                   Personal Statement
(CS)I love computer games, but I am never addicted due to my strong control. This hobby leads me to the world of computers originally, and makes me fascinated with computers’ capacity of constructing scenes. Also, when I saw the RoboCup I was infatuated with the intelligence of robots. I believe computers can do anything and hope to produce something useful to our society. Now being well equipped with keen interest and solid academic ground, I am writing to apply for admission to the Master of Science in AAAA program at 某学校某系.
. visit 1point3acres.com for more.
(EE)I love movies. When I was young I thought they just simply contained a series of images. After my high school study, I know they are pretty complex, which contain intraframe compression and interframe compression and other technology. If they simply contain many primitive images, their size will be much bigger, which would limit the development of movies greatly. This leads me to the fascinating world of signal processing, for it can change our world. Now being well equipped with keen interest and solid academic ground, I am writing to apply for admission to the Master of Science in AAAA program at 某学校某系.
When I was a freshman in my university, I was interested in all kinds of curriculums especially Calculus. Due to my solid background of math, I got high scores both in Single Variable Calculus and Multivariable Calculus. Besides, I got second prize at National Math Contest for College Students in Anhui Province.  
In my third year, I learned Digital Signal Processing (DSP). The Professor Guo Wei required us to accomplish a project with a group of 4 and I became a leader of a team. At that time two members of my team were going to participate TOEFL, so as the leader I needed to carry more duty. I accomplished the most algorithm to construct filters and analyze audio. In addition, I built a system to achieve some functions like analyzing dial tone and giving analysis of audio automatically. I directed a discussion to review what we have finished and decide what to be achieved per week which ensured all of members could make progress together, and eventually they also got an A for this curriculum.
To broad my view, I entered Multimedia Computing and Communicating Lab in the third year and made some professional research following with my mentor, Weiming Zhang. He assigned me steganography on image and video. Strongly encouraged by my intense curiousness and expectation of my mentor, I worked hard and quickly learnt how to hide bit stream with a simple definition of distortion. Then I created my own distortion function. To evaluate it, I trained a classifier with the knowledge of machine learning and got the detecting error rate which was expected to be high. In further study I also learnt some new definition methods like Non-local and used them in my work.
To promote my research skill, I participated in Undergraduate Research Program of USTC that defining the distortion by predicting the quantizing direction of DCT coefficients in JPEG image. I proposed a method of making DCT coefficients plus and minus one respectively have a DCT inverse transformation and comparing the variance of spatial matrix. Via many coding experiments I found on many images the right rate of prediction of “one” can be nearly to 93%. The huger the difference of those two variance is, the higher the right rate of prediction is. But that is not enough because “zero” is the most elements in DCT coefficients of JPEG images and the right rate of prediction of “zero” is only nearly 63%. Not satisfied with these experiment consequences, now I am still working on this topic and hope to find other methods to promote the accuracy of predicting “zero”.. 1point3acres.com/bbs
In summer of 2013, I learnt Statistical Data Modeling taught by Professor Hui Jiang of York University concerning about machine learning and pattern verification. I was very interested in machine learning. I did two projects. Firstly, I built a classifier based on Gaussian Model and optimized it with minimum classification error (MCE), then measured the performance with test set. Secondly, I built a bi-gram word language model based on the training text data with Katz’s back-off scheme, then evaluated the performance by calculating the perplexity on a set of test data. When I accomplished my projects, I did not regard them as the final results. After asking the professor and our teaching assistant for reference value and modifying my program for many times, I eventually got my conclusion and an A for this class. In my opinion, doing research requires courage to handle every unexpected problem with great patience, diligence and intelligence.
Considering my interests and capabilities, I believe the AAAA program at AAAA University will be an ideal place for me to pursue a master degree, because the research program focuses on AAAA, which matches my background well. In addition, I am attracted to the emphasis on AAAA and the core curriculum like AAAA. As I am determined not only to conduct scientific research but also to apply advanced scientific findings in real-world cases, these abilities are crucial for my professional success. After the graduate studies, I want to pursue a doctor degree. I believe I will best capitalize my research acumen and past experience at 学校 and successfully achieve to be a world-class researcher.   
 楼主| hj867955629 发表于 2013-12-4 13:21:07 | 显示全部楼层
把每段都分开了,好看一点,求批改,非常感谢!
                                                                                    Personal Statement
(CS)I love computer games, but I am never addicted due to my strong control. This hobby leads me to the world of computers originally, and makes me fascinated with computers’ capacity of constructing scenes. Also, when I saw the RoboCup I was infatuated with the intelligence of robots. I believe computers can do anything and hope to produce something useful to our society. Now being well equipped with keen interest and solid academic ground, I am writing to apply for admission to the Master of Science in AAAA program at 某学校某系.

(EE)I love movies. When I was young I thought they just simply contained a series of images. After my high school study, I know they are pretty complex, which contain intraframe compression and interframe compression and other technology. If they simply contain many primitive images, their size will be much bigger, which would limit the development of movies greatly. This leads me to the fascinating world of signal processing, for it can change our world. Now being well equipped with keen interest and solid academic ground, I am writing to apply for admission to the Master of Science in AAAA program at 某学校某系..鏈枃鍘熷垱鑷1point3acres璁哄潧

When I was a freshman in my university, I was interested in all kinds of curriculums especially Calculus. Due to my solid background of math, I got high scores both in Single Variable Calculus and Multivariable Calculus. Besides, I got second prize at National Math Contest for College Students in Anhui Province.  

In my third year, I learned Digital Signal Processing (DSP). The Professor Guo Wei required us to accomplish a project with a group of 4 and I became a leader of a team. At that time two members of my team were going to participate TOEFL, so as the leader I needed to carry more duty. I accomplished the most algorithm to construct filters and analyze audio. In addition, I built a system to achieve some functions like analyzing dial tone and giving analysis of audio automatically. I directed a discussion to review what we have finished and decide what to be achieved per week which ensured all of members could make progress together, and eventually they also got an A for this curriculum.. visit 1point3acres.com for more.

To broad my view, I entered Multimedia Computing and Communicating Lab in the third year and made some professional research following with my mentor, Weiming Zhang. He assigned me steganography on image and video. Strongly encouraged by my intense curiousness and expectation of my mentor, I worked hard and quickly learnt how to hide bit stream with a simple definition of distortion. Then I created my own distortion function. To evaluate it, I trained a classifier with the knowledge of machine learning and got the detecting error rate which was expected to be high. In further study I also learnt some new definition methods like Non-local and used them in my work.

To promote my research skill, I participated in Undergraduate Research Program of USTC that defining the distortion by predicting the quantizing direction of DCT coefficients in JPEG image. I proposed a method of making DCT coefficients plus and minus one respectively have a DCT inverse transformation and comparing the variance of spatial matrix. Via many coding experiments I found on many images the right rate of prediction of “one” can be nearly to 93%. The huger the difference of those two variance is, the higher the right rate of prediction is. But that is not enough because “zero” is the most elements in DCT coefficients of JPEG images and the right rate of prediction of “zero” is only nearly 63%. Not satisfied with these experiment consequences, now I am still working on this topic and hope to find other methods to promote the accuracy of predicting “zero”.

In summer of 2013, I learnt Statistical Data Modeling taught by Professor Hui Jiang of York University concerning about machine learning and pattern verification. I was very interested in machine learning. I did two projects. Firstly, I built a classifier based on Gaussian Model and optimized it with minimum classification error (MCE), then measured the performance with test set. Secondly, I built a bi-gram word language model based on the training text data with Katz’s back-off scheme, then evaluated the performance by calculating the perplexity on a set of test data. When I accomplished my projects, I did not regard them as the final results. After asking the professor and our teaching assistant for reference value and modifying my program for many times, I eventually got my conclusion and an A for this class. In my opinion, doing research requires courage to handle every unexpected problem with great patience, diligence and intelligence.

Considering my interests and capabilities, I believe the AAAA program at AAAA University will be an ideal place for me to pursue a master degree, because the research program focuses on AAAA, which matches my background well. In addition, I am attracted to the emphasis on AAAA and the core curriculum like AAAA. As I am determined not only to conduct scientific research but also to apply advanced scientific findings in real-world cases, these abilities are crucial for my professional success. After the graduate studies, I want to pursue a doctor degree. I believe I will best capitalize my research acumen and past experience at 学校 and successfully achieve to be a world-class researcher.   
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smellycat 发表于 2013-12-5 15:23:44 | 显示全部楼层
I love computer games, but I am never addicted due to my strong control (感觉这句不要的好). This hobby originally leads me to the world of computers, and makes me fascinated with computers’ capacity of constructing scenes. Also, when I saw the RoboCup I was infatuated with the intelligence of robots. (RoboCu可以写详细一点,提一些自己的想法与感受) I believe computers can do anything and hope to produce something useful to our society. (I believe computers can benefit human society immensely. And I am keen to do my contribution to computer technologies) Now(now多余,可删去) being well equipped with keen interest and solid academic background (前面没有提到过academic background,这里突然出现感觉有点突兀), I am writing to apply for admission to the Master of Science in AAAA program at 某学校某系.

(EE)I love movies. When I was young I thought they just simply contained a series of images. After my high school study (lz高中就开始学计算机了?), I know they are pretty complex, which contain intraframe compression and interframe compression (是重复?) and other technology. If they simply contain many primitive images, their size will be much bigger, which would limit the development of movies greatly (and the development of movies would be greatly limited due to restricted computing and storage resources). This leads me to the fascinating world of signal processing, for it can change our world. Now being well equipped with keen interest and solid academic ground (和第一段同样的问题), I am writing to apply for admission to the Master of Science in AAAA program at 某学校某系.

When I was a freshman in my university, I was interested in all kinds of curriculums especially Calculus. Due to my solid background of math, I got high scores both in Single Variable Calculus and Multivariable Calculus. Besides, I got second prize at National Math Contest for College Students in Anhui Province.  

In my third year, I learned Digital Signal Processing (DSP). The Professor Guo Wei required us to accomplish a project with a group of 4 and I became a leader of a team. Since two members of my team were preparing for the TOEFL at that time, as the leader I needed to carry more duty. I accomplished most of the work of deriving an algorithm to construct filters and analyze audio. In addition, I built a system to achieve some functions like analyzing dial tone and giving analysis of audio automatically (个人感觉有点中式英语). I also was responsible for directing our discussions to review what we have finished and decide what to be achieved per week which ensured all of members could make progress together. We spent much time and efforts on the project and eventually we got an A for this curriculum.

(可以多写一下自己加入lab的motivation,让人觉得你对这方面有很大热忱与兴趣) To broad my view, I entered Multimedia Computing and Communicating Lab in the third year and made some professional research under the supervision of Dr. Weiming Zhang. He assigned me steganography on image and video. (感觉这句怪怪的,建议改成My task was to…的句式) Strongly encouraged by my intense curiousness and expectation of my mentor, I worked hard and quickly learnt how to hide bit stream with a simple definition of distortion. Then I created my own distortion function. To evaluate it, I trained a classifier with the knowledge of machine learning and got the detecting error rate which was expected to be high. In the following study I also learnt some new definition methods like Non-local and used them in my work.

To promote my research skill, I participated in Undergraduate Research Program of USTC(用缩写之前最好前面有全称) that defining the distortion by predicting the quantizing direction of DCT coefficients in JPEG image. I proposed a method of making DCT coefficients plus and minus one respectively have a DCT inverse transformation and comparing the variance of spatial matrix. Via many coding experiments I found on many images the right rate of prediction of “one” can be nearly to 93%. The huger the difference of those two variance is, the higher the right rate of prediction is. But that is not enough because “zero” is the most elements in DCT coefficients of JPEG images and the right rate of prediction of “zero” is only nearly 63%. Not satisfied with these experiment consequences, now I am still working on this topic and hope to find other methods to promote the accuracy of predicting “zero”.

In summer of 2013, I learnt Statistical Data Modeling taught by Professor Hui Jiang of York University concerning about machine learning and pattern verification. I was very interested in machine learning. I did two projects. Firstly, I built a classifier based on Gaussian Model and optimized it with minimum classification error (MCE), then measured the performance with test set. Secondly, I built a bi-gram word language model based on the training text data with Katz’s back-off scheme, and then evaluated the performance by calculating the perplexity on a set of test data. When I accomplished my projects, I did not regard them as the final results. After asking the professor and our teaching assistant for reference value and modifying my program for many times, I eventually got my conclusion and an A for this class. In my opinion, doing research requires courage to handle every unexpected problem with great patience, diligence and intelligence.

Considering my interests and capabilities, I believe the AAAA program at AAAA University will be an ideal place for me to pursue a master degree, because the research program focuses on AAAA, which matches my background well. In addition, I am attracted to the emphasis on AAAA and the core curriculum like AAAA. As I am determined not only to conduct scientific research but also to apply advanced scientific findings in real-world cases, these abilities are crucial for my professional success. After the graduate studies, I want to pursue a doctor degree. I believe I will best capitalize my research acumen and past experience at 学校 and successfully achieve to be a world-class researcher.

个人感觉有问题的地方都标出来了,不好意思啊~改到后面我自己完全没想法了。
说说大概的感受吧,感觉整篇文章脉络有点不清晰,给人感觉有些乱。LZ写了很多自己做的课题和项目那些,个人建议LZ可以多写一些自己的想法,比如从课题中你学到了什么东西,或者你对自己的专业领域有一些什么看法。因为我是申PhD的,所以不知道MS的文书有什么要求,所以LZ觉得对就参考哈。
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mr_possible 发表于 2013-12-6 23:00:54 | 显示全部楼层

-google 1point3acres膜拜楼上大大

补充内容 (2013-12-6 23:01):
大大的好人啊
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David.wx 发表于 2013-12-6 23:05:59 | 显示全部楼层
Steganography我现在CAS也在做这个,为Steganography顶一下
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nunuh89 发表于 2013-12-7 08:07:31 | 显示全部楼层
Personal Statement. from: 1point3acres.com/bbs
(CS)I love computer games, but I am never addicted due to my strong control.(觉得strong control有点怪 其实你想写的是你的will power吧 但是呢 其实老师完全不在乎你addicted不(不是中国人想法 沉迷游戏的不是好孩子) 只要你按时完成任务就可以了 所以这样写我觉得很奇怪) This hobby leads me to the world of computers originally, and makes me fascinated with computers’ capacity of constructing scenes.(这样写是绝对可以的 但是最好可以写得类似 我很喜欢电脑游戏 我一直amazed by里面逼真的画面 想探究它是怎么做到的 就这样我选择了cs作为我的专业 并且focus在cv) Also, when I saw the RoboCup I was infatuated with the intelligence of robots. I believe computers can do anything(personally i believe they can't do everything这里写他们已经做到了很多 并且依然很有潜力最好) and hope to produce something useful to our society. Now being well equipped with keen interest and solid academic ground, I am writing to apply for admission to the Master of Science in AAA program at 某学校 in 某系.(writing to apply?额 这个表达很多余 你可以写 with 这些 我想要进一步提高自己之类的在某学校某系)
.鐣欏璁哄潧-涓浜-涓夊垎鍦
(EE)I love movies. When I was young I thought they just simply contained a series of images.(movie可不就是么?无法是制作这些image的手法可能很复杂罢了) After my high school study, I know they are pretty complex, which contain intraframe compression and interframe compression and other technology.(感觉你说的其实是储存这些image的方法 那你前面应该写只要把每帧图片都存好就可以了 后来发现其实远比这个复杂) If they simply contain many primitive images, their size will be much bigger, which would limit the development of movies greatly. This leads me to the fascinating world of signal processing, for it can change our world. Now being well equipped with keen interest and solid academic ground, I am writing to apply for admission to the Master of Science in AAAA program at 某学校某系.

When I was a freshman in my university(at xx univeristy), I was interested in all kinds of curriculums(这个词不是课程 而是一系列的课程 一个专业上的所有的课 这么看来你对很多专业上的所有的课程都感兴趣 即使换了次 all kinds of 也很奇怪 其实你想说的是很多 或者 很多学科的) especially Calculus. Due to my solid background of(in) math, I got high scores both in Single Variable Calculus and Multivariable Calculus. Besides, I got second prize at National Math Contest for College Students in Anhui Province.  (额。。。不是ee cs的课 不是项目经验就不要说了 显得你好像特别喜欢数学 那你来学eecs干什么 而且这个你resume里面肯定有了 )

In my third year, I learned Digital Signal Processing (DSP). The(删掉 已经特指了还有the干嘛) Professor Guo Wei(这老师教weiguo 还是guowei) required us to accomplish a project with(in) a group of 4 and I became a leader of a team(I am the leader of the team 同学你的a和the用得太混乱). At that time two members of my team were going to participate TOEFL(其他两个人要去考toefl你就不要写了 就写你的责任是做什么就好了), so as the leader I needed to carry more duty. I accomplished the most(most? 这样写显得你不是个好leader啊) algorithm to construct filters and analyze audio. In addition, I built a system to achieve some(删掉) functions(而且function用 achieve也不太切当 用perform or have) like analyzing dial tone and giving analysis of audio automatically(直接写analyzing 什么 and 什么就可以 automatically?程序当然是自动的啦 删掉). I directed a discussion to review what we have finished and decide what to be achieved per week which ensured all of members could make progress together, and eventually they also got an A(额 不要说其他同学的成绩啦 关键是你们做到了什么 比如比其他队伍的好啦 之类) for this curriculum(前面说过了 课程).

To broad my view, I entered Multimedia Computing and Communicating Lab in the third year and made some professional research(research本身就是个动词 made research这种总是给我一直学术造假的感觉啊) following with my mentor,(advised by prof. following with是什么-。-) Weiming Zhang.(这个句号是怎么回事) He assigned me steganography on image and video. Strongly encouraged(inspired比较好 encourage还是老师encourage你比较make sense) by my intense curiousness and expectation of my mentor, I worked hard and quickly learnt how to hide bit stream with a simple definition of distortion. Then I created my own distortion function.(不要用my own听着像你自己的财产,用new) To evaluate it, I trained a classifier with the knowledge of machine learning and got the detecting error rate which was expected to be high. In further study I also learnt some new definition methods like Non-local and used them in(for) my work. . 鐗涗汉浜戦泦,涓浜╀笁鍒嗗湴

To promote my research skill(不要用promote 可以用polish enhance improve), I participated in (a 这个时候你需要用a了)Undergraduate Research Program of USTC that defining the distortion by predicting the quantizing direction of DCT coefficients in JPEG image. I proposed a method of making DCT coefficients plus and minus one respectively(respectively用得好奇怪 一半都是有对应关系的 比如 a, b, c的值是1,2and3,respectively 分别是) have a DCT inverse transformation and comparing the variance of spatial matrix. Via many coding experiments(,) I found on many images the right rate of prediction of “one” can be nearly to 93%. The huger(bigger or larger) the difference of those two variance(variance是一个变化的区间 不知道你这里要表达的是不是这个意思 还是变量?) is, the higher the right rate of prediction is. But that is not enough because “zero” is the most(什么意思most elements?) elements in DCT coefficients of JPEG images and the right rate of prediction of “zero” is only nearly 63%. Not satisfied with these experiment consequences, now I am still working on this topic and hope to find other methods to promote the accuracy of predicting “zero”.. Waral 鍗氬鏈夋洿澶氭枃绔,
In summer of 2013, I learnt Statistical Data Modeling taught by Professor Hui Jiang of York University concerning(这个放这里感觉好像是老师concerning about这个topic的意思 不知道你是不是要表达这个意思) about machine learning and pattern verification. I was very interested in machine learning. I did two projects.(这句话短小精悍得有点吓到我了  哦 觉得你可以写成上这门课的时候你做了2个projects然后越来越干兴趣) Firstly(额 用firstly感觉是同一个东西里面的第一步和第二步 你这里要表达的是 在第一个project里你做了什么 所以应该是类似for the frist project 然后后面 for the second one这样), I built a classifier based on Gaussian Model and optimized it with minimum classification error (MCE), then measured the performance with test set. Secondly, I built a bi-gram word language model based on the training text data with Katz’s back-off scheme, then evaluated the performance by calculating the perplexity on a set of test data. When I accomplished my projects, I did not regard them as the final results.(这样有点怪 你可以说你觉得他们很可以再多做一点) After asking the professor and our teaching assistant for reference value and modifying my program for many times, I eventually got my conclusion(你的conclusion是什么呢 写出来啊) and an A for this class(不要写拿A啦). In my opinion, doing research requires courage to handle every unexpected problem with great patience, diligence and intelligence.

Considering my interests and capabilities, I believe the AAAA program at AAAA University will be an ideal place for me to pursue a master degree, because the research program focuses on AAAA, which matches my background well.(可以分成2句写) In addition, I am attracted to the emphasis on AAAA and the core curriculum like AAAA. As I am determined not only to conduct scientific research but also to apply advanced scientific findings in real-world cases, these abilities are crucial for my professional success. After the graduate studies, I want to pursue a doctor degree. I believe I will best capitalize my research acumen and past experience at 学校 and successfully achieve to be a world-class researcher.(最后一段是模板么?貌似语句比之前好很多 读起来比较轻松)


补充内容 (2013-12-6 16:08):. Waral 鍗氬鏈夋洿澶氭枃绔,
里面你做研究的有些字句还可以再斟酌下 因为不是我的专业 有些东西不知道我理解的意思是不是你要表达意思

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