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[文书-求改] 总结地里给位大神的意见,新一版sop出来了

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smellycat 发表于 2013-12-5 10:43:53 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

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如题,前段时间被托福搞残了的说,所以前几天才把SOP来重新写了一遍,改动比较大。首先感谢地里各位大神的建议和帮助。感觉大家都进入申请阶段了比较忙的说,如果各位哥哥弟弟姐姐妹妹有时间的话,多提点意见,本人必将不甚感激。另外祝各位来年都有好消息。

As a master student majored in software engineering, I am applying to study for a doctoral degree in computer science at University… because your research in this field attracts me immensely. And I have a strong desire to follow on with my studies in real-time embedded system, computer architecture and power- and security-aware computing.

When I was an undergraduate student of Sichuan University, I have participated in an electronic design project, which was my first experience related to computer technology. My teammates and I made a low-cost pulse rate meter using an 8-bit microcontroller, a microphone and an abandoned stethoscope. I was fascinated by our creation, i.e. by connecting several components and putting some instructions into the microcontroller, it can accomplish desired missions. After that, I took part in other electronic design projects and learned about computer architectures and embedded systems via reading books and asking my teachers. Gradually I began to realize that there is a huge and attractive world in this area.

After my graduation from Sichuan University, I joined a petroleum instrument company. My first task was to translate thousands lines of assembly code into C programs. This task helped me develop a deeper understanding of the two different languages. After that, I taught myself object-oriented programming and advanced languages like C#, which were extremely useful in my following work and study. For me, it was interesting because I got to see the power of programming languages and how they bridge human mind and machine.

I also took part in the project Distributed Oil-field Supervision Control System during the time I worked for the company, where I was involved in many industry activities. I participated in circuit and program design of undersurface pressure gauges and was in charge of field testing of several wireless devices. The system integrated a series of separated devices like sensors, processors and actuators and immensely impressed me with the ability to have all the devices work together smoothly. And from the project I learnt lots of practical skills and knowledge about networked embedded systems. Then I gradually became interested in this field and that was why I made a decision of going back to schools to learn cutting-edge technologies.

After working for one year in the company, I succeeded in the Chinese Graduate Students Entrance Examination and became a master student in Real-Time Embedded Research Lab of University of Electronic Science and Technology of China (UESTC). I am currently working under the supervision of Dr. Wei Jiang and Dr. Jinyu Zhan at the school of Information and Software Engineering on the project Co-Design of Dependable Real-Time Embedded Systems. My work is to address the security- and energy-aware task scheduling problems existed in distributed real-time embedded systems. My main focuses are static task scheduling and resource management, security performance measurement for cryptography and mixed-criticality systems.. 1point 3acres 璁哄潧

As my transcript reveals, I have taken substantial courses both in software engineering and computer science in my graduate school. I did not do well in two courses because of my work in the student union. And that motivated me to invest more time in my study and work much harder to strengthen my knowledge in the field of embedded real-time systems. I spent much of my spare time browsing over professional publications and journals, to keep myself abreast of current developments of this field. I was attracted by the topic of power- and security-aware computing in real-time embedded systems. And as a research assistant in the laboratory, I concentrated in security-strengthening, real-time guarantee and energy conservation requirements and attempted to improve the overall system performance. I have published three papers as the first author, where I proposed several off-line task-scheduling mechanisms to address security, energy and real-time mixed problems in distributed real-time embedded systems. Due to my academic performance in the graduate school, I got the First Price Scholarship of UESTC for two years in a row. I also won National Scholarship for Graduate Students in Oct. 2013, which could properly be deemed the highest honor that a graduate student could possible attain in China.. more info on 1point3acres.com

This summer I attained the IEEE International Conference on Networking, Architecture, and Storage (NAS) and gave a presentation entitled “A vulnerability optimization method for security-critical real-time systems”, which received high remarks from many experts who attended the meeting and got the Student Best Paper Award. In the conference, I got incredible insight into a wide range of topics such as big data management, energy efficient techniques and networked embedded systems. The present development in the field of embedded systems indicates that energy efficiency, reliability and other related aspects have received great attention throughout the world and are becoming more and more important, especially as the hardware and software architectures of embedded devices are evolving with a rapid pace. I too hope to make my own contribution to the technological development in this area.

Two years’ training and experience in research work give me an exciting prospect of my career and a precious opportunity to acquire cutting-edge knowledge in this field. And I am confident that my work experience and undergraduate study will contribute to my future research career, as it provides me with solid foundation of automatic control, hardware architecture and other related theories. Pursuing a doctoral degree in America is by no means an easy task, and it takes much time and efforts. However, as an important step to pursue my dream, several years of further training in a country with better facilities and opportunities is extremely necessary and meaningful for me. So I am eager to meet these challenges.
. Waral 鍗氬鏈夋洿澶氭枃绔,
I am keen to conduct research in QoS and energy management in real-time and embedded system. And the strength of the Department of Electrical and Computer Engineering in this field is a primary factor attracting me to your doctoral program. After carefully studying the material provided by your institution, I feel that your curriculum and research would provide me with an opportunity to expand my knowledge in embedded system and architecture, which I am fascinated. I am looking forward to graduate study at Boston University and regard it as an exciting and essential stage in my scholarly development.

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 楼主| smellycat 发表于 2013-12-5 10:46:38 | 显示全部楼层
版主啊,帖子发了不能重新编辑么?感觉有些地方还没弄好,怎么就发出去了……

补充内容 (2013-12-5 10:48):
可不可以把这个帖子删了……我重新发一遍……
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qzwzkyssb9h 发表于 2013-12-5 10:47:42 | 显示全部楼层
我是不知道这个专业啦,但是作为一个已经在读的研究生,感觉楼主第一段提的研究兴趣会不会太多了点。。。
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 楼主| smellycat 发表于 2013-12-5 10:55:11 | 显示全部楼层
qzwzkyssb9h 发表于 2013-12-5 10:47 .鐣欏璁哄潧-涓浜-涓夊垎鍦
我是不知道这个专业啦,但是作为一个已经在读的研究生,感觉楼主第一段提的研究兴趣会不会太多了点。。。
. 鍥磋鎴戜滑@1point 3 acres
个人感觉这些内容都是相关的,谢谢你的意见,关于interesting我也去问问我导师看妥不妥当~
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Chinamerican 发表于 2013-12-5 11:38:49 | 显示全部楼层
qzwzkyssb9h 发表于 2013-12-5 10:47
我是不知道这个专业啦,但是作为一个已经在读的研究生,感觉楼主第一段提的研究兴趣会不会太多了点。。。

哥们儿是14spring的?
忘记上次看哪个贴了,记得你是14spring?
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 楼主| smellycat 发表于 2013-12-5 14:38:57 | 显示全部楼层
Chinamerican 发表于 2013-12-5 11:38
哥们儿是14spring的?
忘记上次看哪个贴了,记得你是14spring?
. 1point 3acres 璁哄潧
14fall的~spring现在估计都申的差不多了吧~
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qzwzkyssb9h 发表于 2013-12-5 16:00:24 | 显示全部楼层
Chinamerican 发表于 2013-12-5 11:38
哥们儿是14spring的?. 鍥磋鎴戜滑@1point 3 acres
忘记上次看哪个贴了,记得你是14spring?

我是14Fall的~
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David.wx 发表于 2013-12-5 16:27:11 | 显示全部楼层
个人不成熟意见,感觉过去经历说的太多了(的确lz太牛没办法),不过我觉得SOP应该多些future plan、career goal之类的吧
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 楼主| smellycat 发表于 2013-12-5 16:37:00 | 显示全部楼层
David.wx 发表于 2013-12-5 16:27
个人不成熟意见,感觉过去经历说的太多了(的确lz太牛没办法),不过我觉得SOP应该多些future plan、career ...

确实感觉future plan那些说的太少了……在考虑怎么加进去啊,现在都已经1000多字了
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nanawang222 发表于 2013-12-5 17:17:32 | 显示全部楼层
我觉得你的段多了点
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天明09 发表于 2013-12-5 17:38:40 | 显示全部楼层
我觉得楼主没必要所有经历都过一遍。。可以挑几个重要的、对自己的兴趣或者专业的认识影响比较大的经历展开说说
还有学校方面是不是可以更针对性一点,至少现在感觉把Boston U直接换了别的不会有任何问题。。
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Chinamerican 发表于 2013-12-5 20:10:53 | 显示全部楼层
qzwzkyssb9h 发表于 2013-12-5 16:00
我是14Fall的~

Soga~看来记错了~~~
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wilsoj 发表于 2013-12-6 10:11:00 | 显示全部楼层
那个解释两门课成绩不好的部分可以去掉
你只需要吹你的achievement就行了。。weakness不用管。。。
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 楼主| smellycat 发表于 2013-12-6 10:49:14 | 显示全部楼层
综合各家建议,新一版的SOP出炉,再次对各位表示感谢~强烈欢迎批评指正。

As a master student majored in software engineering, I am applying to study for a doctoral degree in computer science at University… because your research in this field attracts me immensely. And I have a strong desire to follow on with my studies in real-time embedded system, computer architecture and power- and security-aware computing.

When I was an undergraduate student of Sichuan University, I have participated in an electronic design project, which was my first experience related to computer technology. My teammates and I made a low-cost pulse rate meter using an 8-bit microcontroller, a microphone and an abandoned stethoscope. I was fascinated by our creation, i.e. by connecting several components and putting some instructions into the microcontroller, it can accomplish desired missions. After that, I took part in other electronic design projects and learned about computer architectures and embedded systems via reading books and asking my teachers. Gradually I began to realize that there is a huge and attractive world in this area.. Waral 鍗氬鏈夋洿澶氭枃绔,

After my graduation from Sichuan University, I joined a petroleum instrument company. My first task was to translate thousands lines of assembly code into C programs. This task helped me develop a deeper understanding of the two different languages. After that, I taught myself object-oriented programming and advanced languages like C#. For me, it was interesting because I got to see the power of programming languages and how they bridge human mind and machine. During the time I worked for the company I also took part in the project Distributed Oil-field Supervision Control System, where I participated in circuit and program design of undersurface pressure gauges and was in charge of field testing of several wireless devices. The system integrated a series of separated devices like sensors, processors and actuators and immensely impressed me with the ability to have all the devices work together smoothly. And from the project I learnt lots of practical skills and knowledge about networked embedded systems. Then I gradually became interested in this field and that was why I made a decision of going back to schools to learn cutting-edge technologies. 鏉ユ簮涓浜.涓夊垎鍦拌鍧.

After working for one year in the company, I succeeded in the Chinese Graduate Students Entrance Examination and became a master student in Real-Time Embedded Research Lab of University of Electronic Science and Technology of China (UESTC). As my graduate transcript reveals, I have taken substantial courses both in software engineering and computer science. I did not do well in two courses. That motivated me to invest more time in my following study and research. I am currently working under the supervision of Dr. Wei Jiang and Dr. Jinyu Zhan on the project Co-Design of Dependable Real-Time Embedded Systems. I spent much of my spare time browsing over professional publications and journals, to keep myself abreast of current developments of the field. I was attracted by the topic of power- and security-aware computing in the systems. And as a research assistant, I concentrated in security-strengthening, real-time guarantee and energy conservation requirements and attempted to improve the overall system performance. I have published three papers as the first author, where I proposed several off-line task-scheduling mechanisms to address security, energy and real-time mixed problems in distributed real-time embedded systems. Due to my academic performance in the graduate school, I got the First Price Scholarship of UESTC for two years in a row. I also won National Scholarship for Graduate Students in Oct. 2013, which could properly be deemed the highest honor that a graduate student could possible attain in China.. 1point3acres.com/bbs

This summer I attained the IEEE International Conference on Networking, Architecture, and Storage (NAS) and gave a presentation entitled “A vulnerability optimization method for security-critical real-time systems”, which received high remarks from many experts who attended the meeting and got the Student Best Paper Award. In the conference, I got incredible insight into a wide range of topics such as big data management, energy efficient techniques and networked embedded systems. The present development in the field of embedded systems indicates that energy efficiency, temperature regulation, reliability guarantee and other related aspects have received great attention throughout the world and are becoming more and more important. In particular, as the hardware and software architectures of embedded systems are evolving with a rapid pace, it is extremely meaningful to investigate into these systems and find methods to improve their performance as much as possible. I too hope to make my own contribution to the technological development in this area.
. From 1point 3acres bbs
Two years’ training and experience in research work give me an exciting prospect of my career as an academic researcher and a precious opportunity to acquire cutting-edge knowledge in this field. And I am confident that my work experience and undergraduate study will contribute to my future research career, as it provides me with solid foundation of automatic control, hardware architecture and other related theories. Pursuing a doctoral degree in America is by no means an easy task, and it takes much time and efforts. However, as an important step to pursue my dream, several years of further training in a country with better facilities and opportunities is extremely necessary and meaningful for me. So I am eager to meet these challenges.

I am keen to conduct research in networked and embedded system at University of … And the strength of the Department of … in this field is a primary factor attracting me to your doctoral program. The department has famed scholars and professionals dedicated to the research of networked and embedded system. They are very active in academia and always maintain close contact with computer industry. Therefore, I feel that your curriculum and research would provide me with an opportunity to expand my knowledge in embedded system and architecture, which I am fascinated. I am looking forward to graduate study at University of … and regard it as an exciting and essential stage in my scholarly development.
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 楼主| smellycat 发表于 2013-12-6 10:50:19 | 显示全部楼层
nanawang222 发表于 2013-12-5 17:17
我觉得你的段多了点

~确实是……多余的段落已经合并了~
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nanawang222 发表于 2013-12-6 10:53:27 | 显示全部楼层
smellycat 发表于 2013-12-6 10:50
~确实是……多余的段落已经合并了~

嗯啊,不过看你最后一段networked和embedded system不是更像是CE么
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 楼主| smellycat 发表于 2013-12-6 10:54:50 | 显示全部楼层
天明09 发表于 2013-12-5 17:38 . 1point3acres.com/bbs
我觉得楼主没必要所有经历都过一遍。。可以挑几个重要的、对自己的兴趣或者专业的认识影响比较大的经历展开 ...

主要是我分了三个时间段的经历来写,本科,工作和研究生。每个时间段按事件又写了一到两段。不过这样确实给人感觉很多很杂。我现在主要一个时间段就写一段,最后三段主要就写一些future plan及选校原因之类的……这样的结构会不会有问题呢?合并段落的时候也略写了一些经历。
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 楼主| smellycat 发表于 2013-12-6 10:58:08 | 显示全部楼层
wilsoj 发表于 2013-12-6 10:11
那个解释两门课成绩不好的部分可以去掉
你只需要吹你的achievement就行了。。weakness不用管。。。
鏉ユ簮涓浜.涓夊垎鍦拌鍧.
我那两门课的成绩太低了,学校看成绩单的时候肯定也会注意到,如果不写会不会有问题呢?. Waral 鍗氬鏈夋洿澶氭枃绔,
现在的statement里面我把成绩这段用一句话带过,然后说 It motivated me to invest more time in my following study and research. 这样会不会好一些呢?
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虾米出江湖 发表于 2013-12-6 11:01:58 | 显示全部楼层
交给 文书修改机构再改一下,里面有好多中试表达
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 楼主| smellycat 发表于 2013-12-6 11:04:21 | 显示全部楼层
nanawang222 发表于 2013-12-6 10:53 .1point3acres缃
嗯啊,不过看你最后一段networked和embedded system不是更像是CE么
. 涓浜-涓夊垎-鍦帮紝鐙鍙戝竷
确实,但是有的学校把它划到computer science里面,不过你倒是提醒我了……这个地方得按照department上面的信息来……之前按这种写法投了两所学校了,有个还是ECE department,会不会后果很严重啊……
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