本帖最后由 perlin 于 2014-4-6 21:30 编辑 |
题目： Rather than help their children do school work, parents should encourage their children do work independently. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays there’s a heated debate revolvinginvolving第一句话写错词给考官印象可能会很不好 the question whether parents should help their children do school work. From my perspective, the first choice for parents is that they should stimulate their children to do homework by their own instead of offering direct help.开头有用心写，但是第一句话真的有用模板的嫌疑，我看到太多人用这种句式开头了：“最近社会上/人们就一个XXXXXXX问题展开了热烈的讨论”，尽量不要用模板句。
Admittedly, giving a warm hand to children when they have difficulty finishing the school work is reasonable. There’s no doubt that one of parents’ responsibilities is to help children grow and release pressure from problems.Chinglish的表达 What’s more, I think that every parent would help children do school work when children cannot figure out the answer or they have to stay up late. Parents are the most trustworthy and perpetual shieldChinglish的表达 for their little children. Helping children do homework seems to be taken for granted. However, under different situations, it depends.
In the first place, according to the golden education theory, independence plays a fundamental role in teaching and cultivating children. Just take examples in a retrospective way. We all know that when we are in childhood, parents always utilize every opportunity to help us build a strong will and independent skill so that we can handle something important when parents are absent. So is the homework.这句话有语法问题，So is句型只能替换前一句的主语，你可以自己感受下，如果这里用了so is，那就相当于把homework代入了上一句中的主语"We"，意思就变得非常奇怪。 Not only can encouraging children do homework independently enhances their ability to solve problems and consolidate their knowledge, making the steady basis of knowledge mansionChinglish的表达, but also it would surely develop children’s own ideaidea 怎么develop？动名搭配有问题, a kind of wisdom not to ask others for help unless the quandary is extremely difficult to solve.
还有，你的思维还是蛮中国的（类似于“家长们总是想赶紧培养小孩的能力，万一以后父母不再身边了也好有个傍身的技术”之类的中国父母思维），但是这样的思维很难引起美国评卷老师的共鸣，可能会有评分官觉得很confused“为什么小孩子要independent skill 才能handle something important？”
最后，你的说理部分太多，实例完全没有，TOEFL作文不需要太多说理，但是举出实例非常重要，“ability to solve problems是什么problems?”"consolidate their knowledge, making the steady basis of knowledge mansion是些什么knowledge?"“something important又是啥？”这些问题都没有说清楚，IQ偏低的美国人根本读不懂。
To substantiate the view point which I have stated above, I would like to discuss the bad sides caused by doting help. If parents open their aid door from the start to the end, I suppose that children would rely on them gradually, leading to failure in study at last. I still remember my friend Jack in primary school. He always asked his father, who owned a bachelor degree on math, to examine his every answer to the math homework. His father spoiled so much help and love on him that gradually he lost the chance to foster the ability to find error in calculations. As a result he failed in the math exam for the doting help from his father. Sometimes the process of asking for help would overshadow certain potential errors which can only be found by children alone.
In a nutshell, when taking complex factors into consideration, I contend that parents should appropriately help their children and in most times, they should make the most use of encouragement to cheer children up, moving forward alone and flying in the sky of knowledge. After all, some pleasure can only be experienced by children themselves.