44歲的我婚姻失敗了

mindycorea 发表于 2023-01-15 15:30:31
曾經網上有篇文章，說其實不是一夫一妻制，已經進化到是一房一妻制，想娶幾個老婆，就得有幾套房子。
再看看現在的房價。。。
地看裡面貌似男多女少. 新年將至. 公司福利呀  地裡 壇主呀.. 請給那些普通

Open relationship 一般都是双方都有吧，只有一方有那肯定对另一方不公平了

mindycorea 发表于 2023-1-15 15:28
我默默注視你的發言。覺得非常睿智（╹◡╹）特別是一些見解 清晰銳利又有格局.
非常想和 ...

今天去朋友家聚会刚回来。非常感谢信任，但是我1月5日才申请论坛账户，似乎加不了人。

Troll_Food 发表于 2023-01-15 14:24:10
這是我心理醫生說的： 基本上你所有生理心理需要并不是同一個對象提供的，和結婚與否無關。

例如你愛一個人，但是和另外一個人上床，和另外一個人談心，然後跟另外一個人生活養大小孩建立家庭。 前提是怎麽

Get新知識！ 謝謝(^.^)
第一句是重點「 人類的所有心理/ 生理需要 可能並不是同一個對象所提供的.
又.
須知參差多態. 乃是幸福的本源.（ 羅素）

Troll_Food 发表于 2023-1-14 14:55
今天我們確定了，分了吧。

我給了她三個選擇：

恭喜楼主结束这冗长的拉扯！追帖这么久，终于有了个结局。

很多事情发生过了就是不一样了，虽然我们可以欺骗自己不去想不去介意，但是拖着这个沉重地壳有谁能说会一直走下去呢（或许这就是年轻的思维吧

希望楼主可以处理好情绪的反扑，迎接新年

一位中年老美朋友的忠告：

“As I said back then - her choice is ultimately selfish - this guy over you - but I am not surprised by her choice. Her refusal to terminate the relationship months ago revealed her preference.

I‘m glad your future looks OK. Financial ruin would not be fair though it is often the result, even when the other party chose the separation.

More importantly, I’m glad you’re finding success in your health - both mental and physical.

Most importantly, I’m glad joint custody is part of the deal. I would press for joint physical custody (though I’m not a lawyer and not sure how it works in California). My ex had primary physical custody, though we had joint custody. What the law intended was that we make joint decisions for the kids.

What it meant in practical terms is that she made all the decisions, refused to tell me anything, and would send me a bill if the decision had a cost. Further, she refused every single extra day that I asked to see the kids. Every single one. It was an exercise in power and control.

My attorney didn’t see that coming, telling me that the ex would agree to contact with the kids beyond the minimum stipulated in the decree. But my ex, predictably, saw the days stipulated as a maximum, which she used as a blunt instrument to punish me, denying every request for more time, or rescheduling, as punishment, or a way to extract more money.

True joint custody would be my recommendation. Selfish people (like my ex, and by appearances, your wife) will be tempted to use the children, and your time with them, as leverage, to extract more money from you, or to punish you for whatever reason. Once she realizes that the lifestyle you provided is in jeopardy- she will be tempted to use whatever “tools” she can to try and restructure the financial part of the deal. This set of “tools” includes your time with your kids. It also includes tempting the kids with easier academic and social standards, so they resent you and see her as the “easy” parent. I’ve seen it all. And it’s all ugly.

Go slowly and carefully into separation and divorce. Things that were agreed to can get twisted. Establish rights, responsibilities, and boundaries.

And remember to take care of yourself. Keep getting counseling. Keep going to the gym. Keep eating healthy. It’s the best course, and…

Someday, and soon, there will be a lady who notices the fit, confident, successful dad at the gym…and she will find that set of characteristics to be very attractive... 😉”

加油!很同情你 會過去的