【PS求改】CS狗/写的普实地掉渣/斟酌用词好难/给建议的加米

参考大家的PS眼睛都看花了。  汪汪。
然后自己斟酌词句，有的时候一想一下午【其实想了5分钟就开始发呆了orz...

总算是写好了，又改了一遍。感觉暂时摸不着头脑，不知道改哪里好。
一共700字出头。
求各位看官走过路过的，帮小弟出出主意。
小弟给大家加米【虽然不多，聊表谢意！

I always admire data scientists like LarryPage who can dig treasures from masses of data. Thanks to the privilege for theTop 3 students in the honored class, I acquired a golden chance to enter alaboratory focusing on data mining in my sophomore years. Since then, I haveparticipated in multiple researches and gradually fallen in loving with datascience.

This wonderful journey started from myparticipation in a bioinformatic research which managed to mine therelationship between genes and diseases from GeneRIF, short statements aboutthe function of genes. In the research, we did enrichment test on various genesto obtain lists of related diseases, ranked by enrichment test scores. In orderto testify the stability of rankings, I together with my teammates developed anevaluation program using C++ to repeatedly randomly sample data from database,add noise to them and evaluate the intensity of influence. Then I quantifiedthe evaluation results into scores and manually examined over 1000 data whosescores were over a threshold. Although the work seemed tedious andtime-consuming from others’ perspectives, I found this process incrediblyinteresting. To organize and mine those separate pieces of information was likehunting treasures, enjoying the pleasure of unknown and exploration. And Ireally thought that what our research team did was meaningful and marvelousbecause our work organized thousands of results of gene-related papers andwould largely assist biomedical experts in predicting effects and symptomsof certain gene mutations.

This research experience not only ignitedmy passion in data science but also taught me how to conduct a research fromthe beginning to the end. It is invaluable especially as I began to takeindependent research seminars in my junior year. Inspired by an articlefocusing on finding the relationship between mood and surroundings such asdaylength and temperature, I wonder if there any relationship between mood andair quality, which was a hot topic in China. I acquired people’s mood data by crawlingpostings from Weibo, a Chinese Twitter-like microblogging website, and ascribingeach posting into positive/negative mood postings using a text analysissoftware program. In this process, I refined my crawler for multiple times,solved problems such as out of memory, stack overflow and disconnection fromdatabase and eventually acquired postings in 69 continuous days. Then Ivisualized and compared the trend of air quality and numbers ofpositive/negative mood postings. While their trend appeared irrelevant in thisresearch, perhaps because of noise in data, I still got endless joy from thewhole process. I became more experienced not only in programming but also inmethodology of searching, collecting and mining data. It further confirmed myresolution to pursue the field of data science.

In my independent research, I was aware of theimportance of data pre-processing. Thus in later research, I always take greatcare in minimizing noise in data using mathematical and programming methods. Lastsemester, I took part in a research of analyzing ontology-driven co-occurrencebetween biomedical terms extracted from consumer generated healthcare contents.While I examined the original data, I found that these contents frequentlycontained spelling errors, which would bias the results on a large scale. Takenall the factors into consideration such as performance, suitability,open-source and convenience, my teammates and I decided to construct ourspelling correction system based on Google Spelling Checker API. The systemsuccessfully corrected 85.24% spelling errors, largely improving the accuracyof further data analysis. In addition, inspired by my formal work, I utilizedbiomedical ontologies to filter corrected words needing manual inspection,saving two thirds of the time I was supposed to have used. My work culminatedwith two papers respectively about the ontology-driven co-occurrence analysisand the spelling correction of consumer-generated healthcare contents.

After participating in these researches, Ibegan to wonder if there was any mathematical or algorithmic analysis tool whichcan be applied in multiple situations. That’s why I joined in a researchconcerning deep learning. It can model various high-level abstractions in data andbe utilized in classification, regression, feature extracting and dimensionsreducing. Now I am trying to apply deep learninginto automatically classifying the large bioinformatics data of TCGA andextracting the latent feature of genome from TCGA. Though I am still unable tocompletely understanding and deftly utilizing this algorithm, the power andpotential of deep learning have amazed me and I truly hope to go on to study itin the graduate school.

Your school is known for… which is exactlywhat I’m looking for. I really hope to join your school.

Larry Page is a data scientist?

dc_726 发表于 2014-10-22 15:45
我看很多学校是要求这几部分：
1.academic interest感兴趣的领域
2.objective念书的目的

讨论一下。

这些点需要用明确的词引出来吗？
譬如 My interested field is ....  The reason why I choose it is because...
或是分段，每一段写一个内容。但不用用明显的词点名
譬如： para1: I  a story of the reason why I fell in love with this field
           para2: I want be a data analystics in the future.
           。。。。
或是可能几个点写一块。
譬如   I like XX field. I‘m doing related researches now. And I want to do this in the future.
....
总之我想问的是，
我觉得有的东西不容易写很长，譬如念书的目的，之后的规划。感觉一句话“I want to be a blabla”就可以讲清。这些东西你是怎么处理的？
         

Pony_s 发表于 2014-10-26 20:01
个人觉得，data science不能单独看，这个领域既要解决数学问题又要解决工程上实践的问题，所以嘛。
应该以 ...

CV里当然写了啊。  但是CV里肯定不会写我从中的体会什么的啊。只有简单的三四条我所做的事情的描述。

话说。  PS/CV当然都是叙述了自己最有优势的地方啊。 你找找自己的优势方向，绝对会写的很赞。

另外，关于“以团队工作为核心”，我到底还只是本科生，参与的research的工作都不是主要部分，所以如果写这个团队做了什么的话，很可能在100~200字里完全提不到我的工作...orz...

= = 为什么有的单词连到一起了。
我发给图片版的，大家好看。

fall in love 吧。。 感觉楼主都在写研究经历，没写以后的规划，兴趣产生的原因。

ddzzzz 发表于 2014-10-21 21:19
fall in love 吧。。 感觉楼主都在写研究经历，没写以后的规划，兴趣产生的原因。

小白求问，因为以前上某东方课的时候老师时不时提到一点文书的事情，当时说是PS要写过去和现在做什么，少说未来规划，是这样嘛…？

ddzzzz 发表于 2014-10-21 21:19
fall in love 吧。。 感觉楼主都在写研究经历，没写以后的规划，兴趣产生的原因。

我其实开头写了兴趣产生的原因。  最后一个经历deep learning的说了觉得这个方向很有前途，我真心喜欢，也想以后研究这个方向。

是不是我篇幅这两块的篇幅不够，或是表意没有很明确，或是缺少必要元素，譬如我以后打算进入XX公司这样的话啊？

Anne12 发表于 2014-10-21 22:03
小白求问，因为以前上某东方课的时候老师时不时提到一点文书的事情，当时说是PS要写过去和现在做什么，少 ...

感觉未来的规划也没办法说得很多。

不然岂不是很虚很空洞。

楼主语言还不错。

但我觉得，对于目标学校写的太少。全篇都是自己，就最后一句话写了your school blablabla，还没说是申Master还是PhD。

另外，PhD的话要有具体的研究方向。

Ryan_Panda 发表于 2014-10-22 09:08
感觉未来的规划也没办法说得很多。

不然岂不是很虚很空洞。

未来规划其实不需要多说，一句话如果能说清楚就行（比如说以后想当搞研究之类的）

我也是15fall的，也在改PS，意见供你参考

vivaroma 发表于 2014-10-22 09:24
未来规划其实不需要多说，一句话如果能说清楚就行（比如说以后想当搞研究之类的）

我也是15fall的，也 ...

我听了你的建议，改了下我最后一段。
其实我最后一段讲deep learning的就是我未来的希望研究的方向。可能我没有在PS里面表达清楚。所以我稍微修改了下。
并且把PS最后部分补全了。重写的部分附在下面了。

另外，我还想问下，你是不是觉得我讲的事例太多了，看的会让人无聊啊？需要删掉哪个经历吗？
现在写完是850个字。

不说内容，就语言来说：
先把所有文法错误都改了，自己大声读出来，就很容易发现，不是一两处
然后很多遣词造句也感觉怪怪的，academic writing 不太过关啊