我的第一份套磁信，大家给我看看有什么不足之处呗

BME系的啊，同专业的嘛，建议把性格描写什么的删掉，就讲research就行了，research也必须往prof现有的方向上扯才好

Following is my revision, you can have a look:-）
Dear ······· :

I am currently a undergraduate student in·······China and my major is BME. My undergraduate studies focus on medicalinstruments. I am preparing to apply for the PhD/Master program of XXXUniversity and I am writing this email to ask whether your group is recruiting anincoming graduate student at 2016 Fall.

Note: Fristly, you should point out who you are, why you are writting this letter.
Every comma and dot should be followed by a blank, this is very important in formal writtings

During my undergraduatestudies, I have conducted numerous research projects, My research interestsinvolve:   
(1) MinimallyInvasive Therapies for Varicose Veins
(a paper has been accepted)
Note: Your paper information,  such as Authors, Title, journal and the date should be listed and if possible, you should attach your paper manuscript whichhas been accepted

(2) Brain Waves Testing;
(3) UsabilityTesting for Medical Device User Intructions Based on Eye Tracking Technology
(4) Single-Chip Microcomputer Program Design Based on NEC Electronic Tools

Note: You should briefly summarize what you have done in these research topics, what is your contribution and what results have you achieved. Such as, I developed a method/ System to analyse/ Measure XXX.

Duringthese research experiences, I have learned many skills for future BME research, such as designing of minimally invasive medical instruments, mathematicalmodeling and skills in Statistics to process the datas, programming for theelectronic system.

I found that my research experience inminimally invasive medical device development matches your research. Besides, mybasic knowledge of programming of single chip microcomputer might help designsome electronic devices in the future. In addition, my past internship experience in a coorperation focus on designing medical devices could also helpin preparing me for your research. . more i
I longed to joinyour group as a graduate student. Attached please find my CV. I am lookingforward to hearing from you soon.

Note: Don't simply make the conclusion that your research experience, knowledge and internship match the professor's research, you need to show how they match the professor's research.


Best Regards


XXX