国内实习推荐信，自己写的，请各位大大们看看有什么需要修改的吗

RT
自己在国内实习结束了，顺道找老板要了封推荐信，现在完成了，想先让各位帮忙看看，有什么什么地方不好，或者需要修改的，请多多提意见，大家互相学习进步，谢谢了！（PS：本人第一次写推荐信，虽然是参照了http://www.1point3acres.com/bbs/thread-66639-1-1.html，这上面的要求，不过想来应该还是有很多不足的）

rogerlin1234 发表于 2017-8-3 00:20
useless recommendation letter if it is written by yourself.

国内实习都是要自己写啊。。

useless recommendation letter if it is written by yourself.

wangmengyuan 发表于 2017-8-2 12:29
字数没有明确规定，如果都是有用的都写上也没关系，不要重复啰嗦就行，保证每段话都有一个突出的重点，每 ...

这是我改后的版本，应该好多了吧

Dear Admissions officer
As a Contract Logistics Manager of Kuehne& Nagel (China) in M, it’s a true pleasure for me to write this letter of recommendation for admission of X to the Master program of your esteemed university. Mr. X was an internship of customer service in my department. His main duty included processing daily inbound and outbound orders through using SAP, and provide timely feedback to both warehouse manager and customers when detecting flaw of inbound article. Moreover, he also participated in a Six Sigma Green Belt program regarding the efficiency improvement of warehouse by following instruction of “Six Sigma” definition and applying statistic knowledge on it.
At work, I was impressed by his learning ability and sense of responsibility. In our department, processing an order involved complicated SOP and using of many different T-codes in different sequences based on priority and specific request of clients. After giving a brief introduction of overall outline of work and relevant SAP T-codes and procedures in order processing, it only took him 3 days to start doing his work independently, which far beyond performance of other interns. Mr. X’s sense of responsibility was demonstrated on serious and rigorous attitude. Instead of simply memorizing each procedure, Mr. X tried to understand causality between each steps and relation between different department of company and clients. His learning ability and sense of responsibility truly reward him during internship: he is the only one who does not have any complaint from clients and also the only one who got zero mistake on order processing in overall department at that time period.  
Mr. X not only showed serious and rigorous attitude toward work but also apply his statistic knowledge in Six Sigma Green Belt program. He quickly found out several fundamental but serious problems in project which involves sample collection, calculation of P-value, interpretation of result in one-trailed hypothesis test and correction of coefficient in linear regression. With the assistance of Mr. X, the project completed two weeks earlier than schedule time. A report indicates that overall efficiency of targeted warehouse in project had been increased by 9%, which was beyond the original 6-7% estimation. This accomplishment also demonstrated his working ability.
In a nutshell, he is one of the most excellent interns I have worked with. Even though I hope he can stay here after graduation, I think he would be an outstanding asset to your program. Please feel free to contact me if you need further information.  
Sincerely,
XXX
Contract Logistics Manager of M  
Kuehne& Nagel China (M) Co., Ltd.
Email address:  
Direct line:  

第二段第一句应该是impressed by吧
还有个别时态
（我关注的重点好像偏了。。。）
内容上 感觉蛮好的

前面的dear...改了吧，感觉好奇怪……To whom it may concern 就可以，要是不放心可以再查查别的表达。
还有关于对你 的称谓，直接写名字就可以吧
感觉很多表达挺中文的……但是我好久不写英文了（申请完就没写过……）建议找个英文水平高的帮忙稍微修改一下语法之类的问题（但也不用太细致，推荐信写得太好反而有点假）

wangmengyuan 发表于 2017-8-1 09:00
前面的dear...改了吧，感觉好奇怪……To whom it may concern 就可以，要是不放心可以再查查别的表达。
还 ...

我去，论坛里面自己发的帖子，有人回复了，居然没提醒。真是太蛋疼了。。。
谢谢楼主的点评啊，另外问下，推荐信里面是不是需要double space啊，如果是的感觉我写的这个字数就太多了。

ZYB1996 发表于 2017-7-31 18:01
第二段第一句应该是impressed by吧
还有个别时态
（我关注的重点好像偏了。。。）

论坛这个提醒机制，我也是看不懂，自己发的帖子都需要自己来查看吗。。。心酸
谢谢评论，好像确实应该用impressed by，另外推荐信时态上应该用什么时态啊，我感觉一般过去时没问题吧，毕竟是发生在过去的事情，但是如果当作是陈述客观事实的话，用现在时也没问题，所以一般你用什么啊。

PeacefulVoid 发表于 2017-8-2 10:19
我去，论坛里面自己发的帖子，有人回复了，居然没提醒。真是太蛋疼了。。。
谢谢楼主的点评啊，另外问下 ...

字数没有明确规定，如果都是有用的都写上也没关系，不要重复啰嗦就行，保证每段话都有一个突出的重点，每一段重点表达你的一个闪光特质就行了

PeacefulVoid 发表于 2017-8-2 10:21
论坛这个提醒机制，我也是看不懂，自己发的帖子都需要自己来查看吗。。。心酸
谢谢评论，好像确实应该用 ...

第三段第一句的apply→applied  还有最后一段的I have （ever） worked with，加个ever， 看起来比较顺一点

ZYB1996 发表于 2017-8-2 17:43
第三段第一句的apply→applied  还有最后一段的I have （ever） worked with，加个ever， 看起来比较顺一 ...

谢谢回复，另外我在下面加了篇我自己改的希望过目下，谢谢了

PeacefulVoid 发表于 2017-8-2 17:56
谢谢回复，另外我在下面加了篇我自己改的希望过目下，谢谢了

我感觉语法 之类的没什么大问题了 不过内容什么的 我就没发言权啦