为了AW而二战GRE，求大家斧正一篇ISSUE！

好吧，我4月27考了第一次G。但是AW=3……梦校的AW线是4，只好重考
昨晚写了一篇ISSUE，照着李建林那本书的思路来的，也有少许的句子是从提纲上摘抄的。在写作过程中，其实我很明白文章的总体结构应该如何，但是在每个论点的展开过程中，还是感觉力不从心。比如下面这篇：
//ISSUE0817
It is impossible for an effective political leader to tell the truth all the time.Complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician.

//my answer

It’scommon that politicians may avoid telling the truth. However, it doesn't follow that honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician. In fact, a skilledpolitician should learn to tackle such embarrassing situations and seeminglyparadoxes, thus acquire the art of keeping honesty while avoid always tellingthe truth.
//先总体讲一下自己少许同意“政客不可以总是讲实话”，但是也不能说谎。
To beginwith, it is known that political leader may have to avoid speaking aboutcontroversial topics or disclosing the truth. For their party's interest, forinstance, it is not conducive to talk about the party's relationship withanother one, which could cause much dispute over the party’s public relations,causing damage. It is appropriate behavior for political leaders to simplysmoothly avoid such topics. Also, there are specific situations when tellingthe truth is even harmful to the nation and a virtuous shunning is beneficialfor the whole society. An example is never hard to find, when there is animpending hurricane, telling public the truth will inevitably result in socialturbulence, while shunning the truth and organizing an effective evacuation ismerited ability for a political leader.
//第二段开始详细论述“政客在某些情况下的确不能说实话”

However,not always telling the truth doesn't certainly lead to the disdain of honesty.There is a wider range of behaviors which can be classified as shunning thetruth, of which one example is just shunning telling the truth, rather thanlying, and there exists a wide gap between two concepts. For instance, when youask the president about some confidential information, he could just eschew thetopic, rather than lying to you. It is obvious that lying is unacceptable for apolitician, while shunning from the truth is accepted.
//反驳1，不说实话不能等同于“说谎”

Moreover,honesty is always of vital significance for people, especially for politicians.Politicians hold the public power, making it rather significant to keep honestyand probity. Assume that the politicians tell lies in order to secure their owninterest, how could such society keep stable and productive? We have alwayshoped our descendent to keep honest and save their virtues, without virtuouspoliticians, how could we convince our children when the exemplary of thesociety tell lies? Moreover, it is likely that the public will vote for a dishonestpolitician.
//反驳2，诚实是人的基本美德

To sumup, the general expectation for a politician is a genius who can be honest whenfacing the public and tackling public affairs, and at the same time skillfullyavoid embarrassing situations when telling the truth may cause damage to theirinterest. It’s challenging for politicians to achieve such prowess.
//然后总结一下，政客应当学会“不说实话”，但又不能说谎，这是一门处世的艺术。

总体结构就是这样的。现在有几个问题：
1，在写作过程中，感觉例子很难详细展开。比如第二段绿色字体的部分，这是一个很好的论点，但是只简单地用一句话来描述这个例子是不是有点单薄？应当如何改正？

2，同时，深感自己词汇量之不足。背红宝之后的确认识了不少词汇，但这些词汇都是passive的，而非active，也就是说在写作过程中脑子蹦不出这样的单词。只能多练了是吧？

3，我的这篇作文还有别的问题，比如语法、衔接、逻辑错误等，请大家不吝赐教！

It’s true that politicians are sometimes reluctant to tell the truth. However, it doesn't follow that honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician. In fact, a skilled politician should learn to tackle such embarrassing situations and seeminglyparadoxes , thus acquiring the art of keeping honesty while avoiding always telling the truth.

To begin with, it is known that political leader may need to avoid speaking about controversial topics or disclosing the truth regarding some sensitive issues. For their party's interest, for instance, it is not conducive to talk about the party's relationship with another one, which could potentially cause dispute over the party’s public relations and damage the party's public image. It is actually appropriate for political leaders to simply avoid such topics. Also, there are specific situations where telling the truth is even harmful to the nation and a virtuous shunning is beneficial for the whole society. An example is never hard to find :when there is an impending hurricane, telling public the truth will inevitably result in social turbulence. The public will quickly fall into horor before the government can take effective methods to get the situation under control. In this case, the hurricane will cause more damage to the society since people gets the "truth" before it's proper for them to know it. On the other hand, shunning the truth and organizing an effective evacuation would be a better solution, and is merited ability for a political leader.
//第二段开始详细论述“政客在某些情况下的确不能说实话”

However,not always telling the truth doesn't certainly lead to the disdain of honesty.Shunning the truth is certainly not equivalent to lying. A wide gap exists between the two concepts: while lying is distorting the truth, shunning the truth is only "putting the truth off" in time. For instance, when you ask the president about some confidential information, he could just eschew the topic, rather than lying to you. He could always come back to the public and uncover the confidential truth when the time is ripe.  It is obvious that lying is unacceptable for a politician, because they are not supposed to be cheating the general public; while shunning from the truth is accepted, since it's sometimes a necessary evil.
//反驳1，不说实话不能等同于“说谎”

Moreover,honesty is always of vital significance for people, especially for politicians.Politicians hold great public power, making it rather significant to keep honesty and probity in the political world. Assume that the politicians tell lies in order to secure their own interest, how could such a society be kept stable and productive? We have always hoped our descendent to keep honest and save their virtues, and without virtuous politicians, how could we convince our children when the exemplary of the society tell lies? Moreover, it is likely that the public will vote for a dishonest politician.
//反驳2，诚实是人的基本美德

To sum up, the general expectation for a politician is a genius who can be honest when facing the public and tackling public affairs, and at the same time skillfully avoid embarrassing situations when telling the truth may cause damage to theirinterest. It’s challenging for politicians to achieve such prowess.
//然后总结一下，政客应当学会“不说实话”，但又不能说谎，这是一门处世的艺术。
润色了一些句子和用词，同时扩充了一些例子，希望能对LZ有帮助~
给LZ的建议：
1. 想要充实例子的最好方法就是避免逻辑跳跃。在论述一个事件的过程中，像剥洋葱一样一步步论述，自然就可以写出多个句子。
2. 反驳1感觉是在反驳观点，但事实上有点加强观点的意思：因为shunning the truth 不等于 lying，所以政治家不tell truth，只shunning truth就好了。这其实是在说complete virtue是不必要的。所以，反驳2开头的moreover有点奇怪，因为和前面一段其实是相反的意思...建议楼主可以基本同意题目的观点，把反驳2作为一个让步段来写，而把其他部分作为主体来写。

katsuragiai 发表于 2013-8-19 14:42
It’s true that politicians are sometimes reluctant to tell the truth. However, it doesn't follow th ...

你太酷炫了，一眼看出了我的逻辑跳跃性！
非常感谢支持，我先去研究一下再回复你~

katsuragiai 发表于 2013-8-19 14:42
It’s true that politicians are sometimes reluctant to tell the truth. However, it doesn't follow th ...

点我签名 去要1个学分吧  一篇G作文 1个学分

katsuragiai 发表于 2013-8-19 14:42
It’s true that politicians are sometimes reluctant to tell the truth. However, it doesn't follow th ...

二战作文还是3分

marine 发表于 2013-9-22 16:23
二战作文还是3分

这。。。请允悲。。。还准备再考吗？

katsuragiai 发表于 2013-9-23 04:34
这。。。请允悲。。。还准备再考吗？

不玩了，就这样吧，3分没啥大不了的。。。