depression

I should write down every thing that come into my mind/the images that traverse my mind.

And by doing this I can keep myself busy at something but not indulging in my painful and exhausted empty and meaningless thinking, which could slow my life down to a startling pace, as I can not keep myself away from those dark, passive, self-degrading mood. Why don’t I use this progress to do something may a little bit meaningful, at least can help my other situations better.
So I will write down all my mind flow, at least to some degree,  this would force me to practice my english writing.

The two useful website I found before, the linggle and netspeak. These two sites may be used to write the papers someday.

And the most immediately wanted feature of these two site is the synonyms. Which could help to enlarge my spectrum of using of words since I think my English organizing skill is limited most. The most obvious evidences are when I think of something in english, I can not find the appropriate way to express. Then I will reconsider another way of saying. Or I will think of the chinese sentence in my mind at first, and then try to translate them into the english sentences. I think the middle progress is low efficient and not very accurate. So I need to figure it out that how can I improve my express ability in english.

The juku site is also very useful, if I don;t have an english version of expression of  my mind at all. Which means I barely met or read some words or sentences in english that have same meaning in chinese which I can easily express. I think in most case, the situation would be I read them a lot, but the reading process and the speaking/writing are quite different. Then the reading process doesn’t help to the writing and speaking ability in essence. So I must try to experience how the writing and speaking actually happen in my mind when I get improved. which would benefit me to get more advance in both two skills/ abilities.

I think to write these trivial things down can also help to check my errors that I make/ commit in the subconscious, because my grammar is basically ok. So if I re-read the sentences that I wrote, I think I will find the mistakes and I will correct them intentionally/ consciously.

When I finished organizing and tidying my thoughts, I think I should do some serious work to  get over the real things that troubling me. Obviously, at the aspect of my English ability, I need to improve my speaking and writing.

I even found I am too shame to write those meaningless things down to the paper. That’s a big big good discovery! I just keep writing then I would not indulge in those things at all. The things I wrote at least are related to my study or work.

I need to re-read the project of my cv and the books and conceptions I mentioned in my paperwork, in case when I get an interview,by preparing these things, I will not be get awkward.

To do such a thing is not very helpful than I first thought, I am already starting to get anxiety. Cause I still do noting very helpful although this is much better to do nothing and lying in the bed.

zzzzzz

Whenever I feel like writing something down to the “real paper“, I should notice myself that actually, it is better to write these things on my evernote. Then if I need a paper version of these words, I just print them out and it is quite easy. But if I write some useful information on the notebook or a piece of paper then I will lose them very soon. I always have such a situation, something reminds me that I wrote some important thing but I can not find them. Or I throw them away when last time I clear up my archives. The loose-leaf binders are used to be my favorite notebooks or memos.  But they are too easy to fall into disordered, and when I organize then, I can’t help to throw some of them which seems not very useful anymore. But evernote have no such problems at all.

Ok, keep writing, today is going off a big part, but I have almost nothing done. I should read something. I think I should read the materials listed on my “ideas” note.
I will read 3 sections of them. keep moving on.

Starting to have stress response to coffee, I had a cup of warm latte and had being retched for hours.