ISSUE-89

89.
题目：
[Claim]Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system.
[Reason] Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.

要求：
[Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.]

自己列的：
1.        Admittedly，必须承认社会上有很多问题仅仅靠法律是无法解决的。法律无法改变人们内心深处的劣根。在很多方面，即使有法律的限制，还是有人抱着侥幸心理违法犯法以谋求私利。比如，即使法律规定严禁走私贩毒，但依旧有人涉险走私毒品。法律改变不了那些走私贩贪婪的内心。而且，有些问题涉及道德伦理范畴，法律无法给出合理的解决方案。比如，基因工程、克隆人技术，既给人们带来了巨大利益，又引起了社会道德伦理恐慌。这些问题不由法律简简单单地给出一个对错好坏的答案。
2.        However, 尽管法律在某些方面存在一些不足和缺陷，但是要维持一个社会的秩序必须要有法律去约束人们的行为。法律在一定程度上改变着人们的意识形态。比如，林肯的奴隶解放宣言、Martin Luther King 的黑人民权运动，促成了1964年的新民权法案，争取黑人平等的权利，也改变了人们种族歧视的观念，使黑人在拥有平等的公民权利活跃在社会的每个阶层。
3.        In conclusion, 为了国家的安定、社会的和谐，每一个人都必须遵守法律法规，同时在自己的思想意识上谋求发展。

. 1point3acres.com 正文：
  With the explosive development of science and technology, laws play a more and more essential role in the modern society. However, some people said many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system, since laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.
  Admittedly, no one could deny that there are still many problems of modern society that cannot be solved by only laws. It is commonly accepted that one’s conscience also plays an important role in one’s behavior. Even if people recognize that what they do is illegal, they still do it when they lose their conscience. For example, smuggling is prohibited in many countries for the reason that it does harm to countries’ benefit. But inciting by significant profits many people still try to do that illegal thing. Obviously, laws and the legal system cannot change the vicious thoughts in human beings’ deep soul.
  In addition, it is indisputable that the rapid development of technology not only boosts the process of society but also bring to us more complex and difficult problems which cannot be solved simply by laws. For example, the technology of clone provides us with new method to solve incurable illness before and leads to a violent dispute about its morality among experts at the same time. Is homosexuality sinful? What’s wrong with abortion? Why is racism bad? Moral questions of this kind arise inexorably in almost any legal system. Being or doing good is not necessarily synonymous with obeying the law, even though the law, its ideas and its institutions, are often informed by moral values.
  However, although there are many defects and falls in the modern legal system, no one could deny the effect of laws to keep the order of society. Law is an imperfect yet indispensable vehicle by which both to conserve and transform society. Few societies achieve genuine harmony and accord; yet in the absence of law a descent into chaos and conflict would surely be an inevitable consequence for our increasingly polarized planet. In some degree, laws help to maintain the security and order of society by restraining the immoral behavior of human beings. In this progress, laws influence even change the ideology of people. The American Civil War is a good example in point. Before the Civil War, the laws in the south of the America permitted the white farm owners to have the black people as their private slaves. Obviously, these laws, which not only maintained the privileges for white people, but totally violated the human rights of black people, were unjust laws and must be resisted. Therefore, Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, led the Union during the Civil War to destroy the unjust laws in the south of the America and liberated the black slaves. Nowadays, it is commonly thought that all people have the same rights which is a result of laws.
  From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that in order to enhance the stability of our society, it is necessary for us to obey laws and the modern legal system. Meanwhile, we’d better strengthen our awareness of morality.
WORDS：530
PS：这是我自己已经修改过的，求建议。

你半个小时就能写530字？神牛啊

songcaoxian 发表于 2013-8-10 09:53
你半个小时就能写530字？神牛啊

当然这不算改，只是问问嘛

songcaoxian 发表于 2013-8-10 14:56
当然这不算改，只是问问嘛

==！当然不是啊，我已经写了PS。。。这是自己先修改过的。

正文还没看，看了楼主的提纲，说一点我的想法和楼主一起讨论。
它的要求是问你 the extent你 agree or disagree with the claim and the reason.
所以，我的思路是：
1. 质疑或赞同 claim
2. 质疑或赞同reason
3. 质疑或赞同claim和reason之间的逻辑关系,他们两个之间的因果关系是不是一定成立的。
看了楼主的提纲，楼主的思路应该是
赞同claim
质疑reason(你举了黑人的例子说明人们的意识形态在改变）
但是楼主的总结，是提出了一个自己的观点。 we may safely draw a conclusion that in order to enhance the stability of our society, it is necessary for us to obey laws and the modern legal system. Meanwhile, we’d better strengthen our awareness of morality.
是不是有的一点点跑题。因为claim是许多问题不能被法律解决而不是我们要不要遵守法律。

以上纯属个人看法，我自己也刚开始准备Issue，和楼主一起讨论下。

我觉得写GT作文，最关键的还是思路，这个是可以通过思考进步的。至于word choice以及sentence structure这个不是让人修改下就可以提高的，需要自己大量背单词，阅读英语文章以及练习。
你写的作文大致看了下，感觉中文思路很重，就是有种literally翻译的感觉，部分语法错误。关于你的提纲，有点建议：

首先，你需要明确自己的立场，是agree还是disagree，agree的话，是全盘agree还是部分agree. 这篇文章你的想法感觉是赞同claim，认同reason，因为法律不能改变人的意识形态，但是你指出，为了社会稳定，我们还是要遵守法律。

从结构上来看，你的连词用的不过准确。第二算开头：admittedly用得有点怪，这段应该是支持你观点强有力的一段，用这个连词，说明你在reconcile你的立场，不符逻辑啊。这个词用在倒数第二段开头，把however换成admittedly蛮好的。我觉得文章结构可以这样：1. 说明自己的立场；2. 论据支持自己的立场；3. additional论据支持自己的立场；4. reconcile一下，觉得虽然自己是这样认为，但是对立的想法也不是完全错的。但是一定要强调自己坚持自己的看法。好比看待一个问题，权衡利弊后取其利。ETS给的topic一般不会有绝对的对错吧

从逻辑上来看，我觉得让一篇文章cogent是最重要的，可能你实际上不这么想，但是如果这样比较好写，不妨这样写。你写的这篇文章，感觉是你认同法律没用很大用处，但是你认为还是要遵守法律，有点不是很convincing。为什么不写你不认同claim，法律还是很有用的，原因1，2， 然后你承认有些问题可能法律不能从根本上解决，但是这不妨碍法律在其他的领域发挥作用。因此，你主张每个公民遵纪守法。

个人看法。我保持一周写5-6篇issue的速度写了2个月了，都在找native speaker给修改提意见。还有3个星期就要考了。希望大家都考个好成绩！

自己列的：
1.        Admittedly，必须承认社会上有很多问题仅仅靠法律是无法解决的。法律无法改变人们内心深处的劣根。在很多方面，即使有法律的限制，还是有人抱着侥幸心理违法犯法以谋求私利。比如，即使法律规定严禁走私贩毒，但依旧有人涉险走私毒品。法律改变不了那些走私贩贪婪的内心。而且，有些问题涉及道德伦理范畴，法律无法给出合理的解决方案。比如，基因工程、克隆人技术，既给人们带来了巨大利益，又引起了社会道德伦理恐慌。这些问题不由法律简简单单地给出一个对错好坏的答案。
2.        However, 尽管法律在某些方面存在一些不足和缺陷，但是要维持一个社会的秩序必须要有法律去约束人们的行为。法律在一定程度上改变着人们的意识形态。比如，林肯的奴隶解放宣言、Martin Luther King 的黑人民权运动，促成了1964年的新民权法案，争取黑人平等的权利，也改变了人们种族歧视的观念，使黑人在拥有平等的公民权利活跃在社会的每个阶层。
3.        In conclusion, 为了国家的安定、社会的和谐，每一个人都必须遵守法律法规，同时在自己的思想意识上谋求发展。

vincent11 发表于 2013-8-11 22:25
正文还没看，看了楼主的提纲，说一点我的想法和楼主一起讨论。
它的要求是问你 the extent你 agree or dis ...

不好意思，月底快考了，这几天模考出来成绩不是很好，一直在补V，所以暂且把作文放了放，没有及时回复。
关于你所的跑题的问题，确实有点。其实是因为感觉最后一段不太好总结，导致看起来有点突兀。

顺其自然123 发表于 2013-8-16 20:44
我觉得写GT作文，最关键的还是思路，这个是可以通过思考进步的。至于word choice以及sentence structure这个 ...

说实话，我也觉得AW要提高肯定不是一朝一夕的事。但因为我时间比较紧张，AW我只准备了15天，没有像你那样有充足的时间去找native speaker修改，也没那资源，顶多让英语系的同学帮忙看看。如果你看过《南大牛人GRE作文5.5》，就会发现我写的基本是模仿他的，我那15的复习计划也是按照他的。
大部分提纲的观点都是：partly agree。
然后分三步走：
1.Admittedly...
2.However...
3.To sum up...
很多topic的提纲都是根据这个硬套上去的，有些就比较牵强了。。。
我感觉自己现在缺的例子，word choice以及sentence structure短时间内很难有大的提高，你说的中文思路就更难改了==。
我月底考，thanks for your time, and good luck!