刚进大厂职业焦虑 不知道继续坚持还是另寻他路

I did 2 years IT course after completing a bachelor degree in business administration.
At the time I thoroughly enjoyed all logical challenges such as data structures and algorithms. Suffice to say I did not learn much about operation system, networking etc. Nor do I feel I had any interest, I was just happy to solve some logical puzzle and make things happen.

Going into the industry I started as a web dev, learning both front end and backend and my interest of course geared towards backend, after a couple of years my company made me a "Senior Dev" and I'm dedicated for a product our company offers which has complex business logic/rules and a decent amount of data volume.

I enjoyed working there for a further couple years but I was certain I'm no Senior in terms of technology. I'm merely very logical and knows a lot about the product and can code to deliver values and investigate and resolve issues when system failure inevitably happen occasionally.
I think it's suffice my business team and my employer was very happy with me I felt I'm very useful there.

Life fast forward, I became a bit tired of doing the same thing. Thinking in ten years I'd still be getting some requirements about business features, make some coding changes make it happens kind of bored me out.

After some exploration internally as analyst role, I decided I need to see what other companies are like (after staying 8 years in my first job) and push myself out of my comfort zone maybe will force me to become a better developer.

With my algorithm skills I got into bigget tech company. And that's where the massive imposter syndrome started. I guess it's not a syndrome, I'm an imposter!

I don't have much cloud experience. Forgot all about networking, protocol, and no idea bout containers and...you get the idea.

Now I'm really struggling to feel good myself mentally. (Despite my employer hasn't expressed any real concern to me, yet). In fact feel very bad about myself.

Anxious whenever I get a another ticket, yet again something I don't have ideas how to do.

I'm trying to force myself to learn additional things to catch up during weekend but it felt entire life has been consumed by work related anxiety. Instead of having a weekend, I just felt like I need to catch up with work.

And Rome is not been built in a day. So many years of knowledge I missed I won't be able to catch up that fast.

So I don't see a short way out and I can't stop wondering to myself, do I really feel interested to learn all these thing? I don't feel that interested actually.
But i felt obligation to perform and seek validation from others that I CAN do it.  
Will the interest come with time? Or I really should explore what truely interest me? What is that.

I'm at an impasse.

ehhh, do you speak ze chinese?

okay okay but seriously,  I think it's pretty natural for a newcomer in a company to feel the IPS, especially when you are paid 300k+ a year or something and surrounded by people who know what they are doing. I think a part of it is just not to be too hard on yourself and let your knowledge accumulate over time. Assuming your manager and teammates are reasonable people, these are issues you can talk to them about, they should understand and help you if they can, if they refuse then I don't think you are in a good team.

In terms of lack of interest, I think that depends on what kind of person you are. Some people find enjoyment in doing something they are good at and feel useful, and that's good enough for them. If that's you then it should get better over time. If not then feel free to explore around and see what's out there, as long as it's kind of related to what you are currently doing. Don't wake up one day and be like "oh gosh, I wanna be a high school teacher!" and you should be fine.

Just remember that compared to an average person, you are already incredibly lucky and successful, working as a developer in a big tech company. It's okay to sit back and relax a bit once in a while. Sometimes people forget the bigger scope when they are surrounded by people whom they perceive as better than themselves.

Good luck!

哎呀。。。好长看不下去

https://www.1point3acres.com/bbs/thread-955682-1-1.html?mobile=2

spitz6860 发表于 2023-01-17 00:32:43
ehhh, do you speak ze chinese?

okay okay but seriously,  I think it's pretty natural for a newco

Thanks very much for your reply.

(Yeh. I do speak Chinese. I made the post for Reddit but found out I couldn't post 😹 not enough karma.)

Agree with you I will need to take things slowly, chipping away little by little. Hope knowledge and progress brings in some interest and overtime may feel more useful and better about myself.

If all efforts failed to improve perhaps explore surrounding related roles to see what sparks more motivation and passion.