25fall cs phd sop求非常非常非常狠的狠狠狠狠批！！感谢各位！！

大家好！自己diy了一份sop，一直改来改去，但是还是不放心；还请地里大家帮忙看看，主要想从三个方面向大家请教：1）内容上来说是不是应该是sop所需要的？2）写作足够流畅吗，怕自己写的不够natural，晦涩让人读不懂；3）还有没有其他应该注意的问题？

提前谢过各位！！！我给各位加米！加米！加米！


【有一些关于研究方向的内容由于涉及到目前的工作，就用...代替了，其余的有一些名字用XXX代替】






My decision to pursue graduate studies stems naturally from my research experience as a master’s student. During this time, I developed a strong interest in generative models and controllable visual generation, with a primary focus on image/video generation, manipulation, and their interaction with other modalities. I am particularly interested in the problem of XXX. Through graduate studies at XXX, I wish to delve deeper into this topic, but I am open to trying new ideas as well.


My academic journey began with studying reinforcement learning. However, after publishing a paper on this area [1], I found myself more interested in generative AI, especially editing algorithms which creates intriguing effects on images. As a result, I turned my focus to generative adversarial networks and their applications. When diffusion models emerged, I noticed their Markov inference process, though effective for generation, could lead to error accumulation when used for image editing. Based on this, I proposed XXX [2], which integrates a well-designed hyper-network and an optimized training algorithm to reduce error propagation in editing process. This work was then published in AAAI 2024. As my first research endeavor, it taught me great lessons of how to conduct research. One key lesson was not to take action only after everything is perfect. I used to overthink whether my ideas would work rather than conducting quick experiments to test them, and have dismissed many promising ideas for fear that they were not perfect. Since then, I have developed a fast research pace through trial, error, reassessment and iteration, which I consider crucial for research.


During my master’s studies, I’ve also engaged in projects across various domains. I led an AI-for-Science project on protein sequence generation. This is a biological problem that can be modeled as a natural language processing task, a field in which our lab had nearly no experience before. Embracing the challenge of self-learning, I independently resolved the issues I encountered while studying relevant papers and codes. After considering ..., I developed .... It successfully ... (This work is ongoing). Learning knowledge from other domains constantly provides me with new insights. While working on this task, I drew extensive inspirations from the pretraining techniques in large language models, such as hierarchical tokenization and mask modeling. These projects have helped me develop the ability to learn quickly about unknown areas, as well as apply learned knowledge across different contexts.


Most recently, I undertook a six-month internship at XXX, where I worked on the controllable generation of large video models. In collaboration with Dr. XXX, we discovered current large video models are incapable of performing general camera control—text can only affect content and style, while finetuning is constrained by the lack of sufficient and diverse camera-annotated datasets, limiting their practical applications, e.g., film generation with cinematography. To address these issues, we proposed XXX [3], a training-free approach that provides camera control for almost any video diffusion models. It outperforms finetuned methods in both generation quality and camera motion accuracy, and more importantly, achieves truly generalized camera control across diverse video contexts. We built a website to exhibit these excellent results. Through deeper exploration, we found this method has greater significance than merely controlling video’s camera motion: Our experiments revealed that, XXX…


This finding is exciting, because … From this perspective, … I strongly believe it is a topic that will have profound influence on the field of computer vision, it will … This topic is so significant that it drives me to pursue further studies, with the aspiration to resolve it and … [这一段都是research proposal的叙述，都省去了，所以有点短]




XXX University is my top choice, it has charming campus, picturesque scenery, and distinguished faculty who have made exemplary contributions in computer vision. Prof. Dr. XXX are the faculty I would especially like to to work with. I deeply respect their cutting-edge research in … and am confident we can achieve groundbreaking work together. I believe my research experiences, and more importantly, my insatiable desire to learn and solve problems, have prepared me adequately for dealing with the challenges in PhD and making contribution to my research. From the first day of my enrollment, I will commit myself to my research and pursuing my career goal as an accomplished researcher. I am excited about the opportunity to study at XXX, and am ready to contribute to its legacy of innovation and excellence.

大家好！我根据楼上各位同学的意见修改了一遍，我本来想把第一条帖子修改一下指向新帖子链接，结果没有道具无法操作，为了防止麻烦大家又帮忙judge一遍我之前写的版本，我把新的帖子的链接在这里置顶！
https://www.1point3acres.com/bbs ... ead&tid=1101855

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------根据楼上各位同学非常有用的建议又改了一遍，这下大家看看如何呢

My pursuit of graduate studies comes from my research experience as a master’s student at University of Science and Technology of China, where I focused on generative models and controllable visual generation. My work involved image/video generation, manipulation, and interactions with text and 3D data, which sparked my strong interest in yyy. I wish to delve deeper into this topic at X University.
My academic journey began with reinforcement learning. After publishing a paper on the topic [1], I found myself more interested in generative models, especially editing algorithms that create intriguing effects on images. I thus shifted my focus on this. During my first project on image editing, I read extensive papers on generative adversarial networks and proposed several ideas, however, most were discarded as imperfect and my research progressed slowly. As I saw some of my unfinished ideas turn to impactful work, I realized my research approach needed to change. Later, when I noticed that the Markov diffusion process could lead to error accumulation for image editing, I grasped the chance, designed a hyper-network with an optimized training algorithm and addressed the issue [2]. The work was published on AAAI 2024. This experience offered me important lessons: one should not take action only after everything is perfect. Since then, I have developed a fast research pace through trial, error, reassessment and iteration, which greatly helped me in my later study.
Another research project I led focused on AI-for-Science. The goal of this project was to identify the YYY, and produce ZZZ. Our lab actually had no experience in this domain, so I was clueless about everything at the beginning. Rather than giving up, however, I spent time learning about sequence generation and natural language processing, particularly pretraining techniques like masked modeling and multi-embedding representation. Also, in each group meeting, I would stay longer and asked questions to the XXX experts we worked with. After considering the unique properties of X, I developed a generative framework based on their X and X. It successfully … (This work is ongoing). Through this project, I have learnt how natural language processing tasks are modeled and trained, and developed skills in self-studying and tackling interdisciplinary challenges.
Most recently, I took a six-month internship at A, working on video generation. In collaboration with Dr. B, we identified a critical limitation of large video models: they struggle with camera control. While text influences only content and style, large-scale finetuning is constrained by lacking sufficient and diverse camera-annotated dataset. To avoid domain collapse brought by finetuning, we leveraged the layout guidance of noisy latent in diffusion models and proposed CamTrol [3], a training-free method that provides general camera control for most video diffusion models. To showcase its excellent results, I built a webpage using HTML. Exploring deeper, we found it has meaning beyond camera control. Our experiment revealed that, by applying CamTrol, video models can generate dynamic, 3D videos, through a completely unsupervised manner.
This is an exciting finding, as it indicates …. I strongly believe it is a topic that will …. This topic is so significant that it drives me to continue my studies …
To further turn my research goal into reality, I am motivated to pursue a PhD at X University. This is because X is a leader in the field of computer vision and has a unique research atmosphere of inclusiveness and collaboration. I would especially like to work with Professor A, Professor B and Professor C for their cutting-edge research on Z and Y. After I finish my PhD, I want to continue my career as a researcher. I enjoy the rewarding aspect of identifying critical problems and solving them, and I believe my passion of researching will not cease.
I am excited about the opportunity to study at X, and am ready to contribute to its legacy of innovation and excellence.

总体感觉也还行 但第一段和最后一段感觉很不流畅 很多词句都可以直接删了或者压缩 第一句话读起来就能感觉出来是ESL写的 没重点

以下是把第一段压缩之后：
My passion for research during my master’s studies has led me to pursue a PhD in the field of generative models and controllable visual generation. My work focused on image and video generation, manipulation, and their interplay with other modalities, honing my expertise in this domain. I am especially intrigued by the problem of XXX and seek to explore it further at XXX.
改动1:把前两句话压缩了
改动2:删掉了but I am open to trying new ideas as well. 这个加在第一段就感觉很奇怪

中间几段讲project的就还好 最后一段又出现了很多好像没有什么必要存在的话 你可以直接prompt chatgpt让它帮你压缩一下

这位同学，直接正题就不客气了，虽然我出身商科，但也经历过各种申请和写作训练。。。整体看一下问题-
1 写作风格和书面化以及文书要求距离还是蛮大的，这里的问题是，如果阅读人是国人，一看就是中式英文，就算没有减分，也很难加分，如果是外国人看，很大可能会对某些描述产生误解（比如你最后一段，真的是云里雾里）
简单拿你第一段举例，My decision to pursue graduate studies stems naturally from my research experience as a master’s student. During this time, I developed a strong interest in generative models and controllable visual generation, with a primary focus on image/video generation, manipulation, and their interaction with other modalities. I am particularly interested in the problem of XXX. Through graduate studies at XXX, I wish to delve deeper into this topic, but I am open to trying new ideas as well. --》My pursue of a graduate study and research for XXX comes from an immersive experience of generative models and controllable visual generation at my post-undergraduate program of XXX. The focus on image/video generation, manipulation, and their interaction with other modalities led to my growing interest in the topic of how to resolve XXX in a way that ... I did XYZ to deepen my understanding in this area and as a result I learned my passion is to explore more possibilities/opportunities through next level education and research and my goal is XYZ (solve the problem you mentioned first).
英文文书写作讲究逻辑，也有结构要求，比如每一段第一句是最重要的，讲一个topic，然后每一句是提供和topic有关的细节，逻辑体现在key words （比如interest，passion，problem）要不断出现，且相互呼应，简单说每一段都是讲一个故事 of what - why - how - result
2 文书写作尽量避免过多用“I”和“ly”副词及被动式，一个训练就是如果写了“ly”副词，加一句详细描写的细节，然后把ly删了
3 文书中如果你写了一个观点（比如 XXX University is my top choice），你得有和你相关的facts 来支持，而不是罗列这个观点本身的xyz，你可以写 你是否去过XYZ，是否有知道XYZ alumni什么的，拍马屁得不露声色
4 最后每一段最后一句要么是再次总结，要么是引出下文，写完之后，copy 每一段第一句和最后一句，看看能不能读写来，说不说的通
还有就是写的时候，就要用chatgpt，不知道怎么写就问“how to write XXX in the tone of native speaker for XXX application”。每段写完让chatgpt 做readproof like local applicant
当然你也知道，文书只是一小部分，也别花太多时间，交个chatgpt就好，关键是说个故事把你自己的经历和学校/专业联系起来

Why school写的有点太泛了吧。感觉废话，客套话可以直接删掉，写点实际的东西

而且几个master‘s貌似都是用了中文输入法。

微风2003 发表于 2024-12-9 00:21
Why school写的有点太泛了吧。感觉废话，客套话可以直接删掉，写点实际的东西

而且几个master‘s貌似都 ...

感谢指出！确实why这部分有点薄弱；我把套话改成更valid的理由；

master's我看了一下我文档里确实是英文，粘贴上来变成中文了；

非常感谢回复！！

微风2003 发表于 2024-12-9 00:21
Why school写的有点太泛了吧。感觉废话，客套话可以直接删掉，写点实际的东西

. ----而且几个master‘s貌似都 ...

我才发现我的积分不够，现在无法加米，实在抱歉，等我积分涨到100之后，我一定回来给您加米！！

phpg16 发表于 2024-12-9 03:42
这位同学，直接正题就不客气了，虽然我出身商科，但也经历过各种申请和写作训练。。。整体看一下问题-
1  ...

非常感谢您详细的指正！！

1. 关于这个写作的整体风格，其实我是找了一篇模板参考写的，包括开头直接写research interest：

[SoP-Template/SoP.pdf at main · Swapnil-Gandhi/SoP-Template](https://github.com/Swapnil-Gandhi/SoP-Template/blob/main/SoP.pdf)

您说了之后我又看了一些其他的sop，之前我一直局限在一种思维说开头应该简洁明了表示自己的研究兴趣和研究方向，然后我就把我如何对这个感兴趣融入到了第二段的研究经历里，我是研究了一阵rl之后才开始转向generative ai的；（我觉得您的写法很logic，我看了不少sop也是这么写的，开头说产生兴趣的原因，我得类似这样改改这部分）

2. 这个是非常实用的建议，谢谢！我也觉得-ly加多有点口语化，感谢！非常受用！
3. 这个楼上有一位同学也提到了，非常感谢建议，why school这里确实不够valid
4. 关于chatgpt，其实我就是用chatgpt自己修改了很多遍，我给他的prompt包括你是admission committee请帮我修改sop，或是把某段话改的更加native一点，然后写完再让他proofread的。没想到写完还是不够好。多谢您的指教。

phpg16 发表于 2024-12-9 03:42
这位同学，直接正题就不客气了，虽然我出身商科，但也经历过各种申请和写作训练。。。整体看一下问题-
1  ...

中式英语这个也是确实，您一说我就被点醒了，还是英文读得太少

vista003 发表于 2024-12-9 10:20
总体感觉也还行 但第一段和最后一段感觉很不流畅 很多词句都可以直接删了或者压缩 第一句话读起来就能感觉 ...

非常感谢非常感谢！！

确实ESL这个问题，我自己读可能读不出来，大家一说我才发现太明显了；

第一段确实有点冗余，感谢您给的压缩后的范文！我也会再压缩一下！

关于这个but i am open to trying new ideas as well是参考另一篇文章写的
https://graphics.stanford.edu/~zhossain/grad/sop_mit.pdf
. Χ，本意是想表示我有一个明确的研究方案，但是不一定非得这一个，别的我也可以，因为我这个研究方案（文中省略了）比较明确；

关于最后一段话，其他给我建议的同学也提到了，看来最后一段真的问题很大，非常感谢您的指教。

我的积分太低了无法给别人加米，等积分够了之后我一定回来给您加米！