自己写的推荐信，求修改

请大家看看这三份推荐信有何不妥之处，能用否？第一篇
To whom it may concern:
In the capacity of the dean of the Department of Radio Physics in XX University, I am very glad to write this recommendation for Li, an undergraduate of my department, so as to support his application for admission into your MSEE program and for your consideration of his financial support.
Li enrolled in XX University as an undergraduate student with strong interests in the research in 2008. With strong enterprise and interests, he was the first person who took initiatives to ask for permission to learn to do some work in my lab. He was well prepared for the work because he had done much preparation to learn my research before entering my lab. I was glad to introduce him to Professor Yang to learn the high frequency ground wave radar because I didn’t have any appropriate project for him then. I often saw him discussing with Professor Yang. With the spirit of insisting on getting to the bottom of the matter, he often came to the lab even Professor Yang had gone home.
Li took one of the courses I gave, Radio Wave Propagation. It is a core curriculum course for him and is difficult because of its theory and mathematical requirement. He would sit in the front of the classroom, listening intently and taking notes. He spent a lot of time understanding the textbook. I often saw him reading or doing some mathematical calculation between classes without taking a break. As a result, he has got a high score in the exam.
Having a clear concept in his research, he can instantly elaborate his logical ideas fluently. Meanwhile he has known some basic research procedures in Labs. These characteristics give him a chance to be a potential researcher. From these, I can see  Li is a diligent student. So, I am confident to assert that Mr. Li has the potential to make himself a successful student and researcher, and that this potential will be fully exploited if he could be accepted for further pursuit in your institution. I shall appreciate it if you will consider his application in light of this potential.  
Sincerely,
XXX

这是第二篇

To whom it may concern:
In the capacity of associate dean of College of Optoelectronic Science and Engineering in AAA University (P. R. China), I am writing with pleasure to recommend Mr. Li to your esteemed graduate school. He is an undergraduate who studies in ABC University which is not far away from mine.
I got to know  Li personally 4 years ago as soon as he entered the university. He asked me for permission to enter my Lab as an intern and to know my researches about the application of photoelectric measurement and control technology in Biomedical Photonics. Seeing his strong interests in researches, I introduced him some experiment equipment, such as helium–neon laser and meniscus lens. He also observed some experiment about laser speckle imaging. These things broadened his horizon with no doubt and intensified his interests on scientific research. Driven by the interests on experiments, Mr. Li made a high constant current LED driver in my Lab. He told me this was his first experience in completing a small project independently. Through these activities, he has learnt a lot: He learnt how to collect the necessary information for research, how to design and complete a circuit with a certain function, how to conduct the experiment and how to record the result of the experiment. Following my advice, he attended the Photonic and Optoelectronics Meetings in 2009 (OPEM2009) which was held in National Laboratory for Optoelectronics. To a freshman in the university, this experiment contributed to form his concept about the scientific researches. Generally speaking, He learnt some basic methods and procedures for research in my Lab as soon as he started his college study.
Based on Mr. Li’s performance, I find he is a hard-working man. He often showed up to my Lab to study and observe the experiment at night. When he had free time, he always went to the Lab even in the hottest days of Wuhan. Besides, he is also a person who can devote himself to scientific research. He was so absorbed in his research and study that he often forgot the meal. Communicating with him makes me believe that he can elaborate his logical ideas fluently and expressed his idea clearly. He has interests on the unknown things in research and pursues his goal firmly. I was glad to see his strong interests on scientific research even after he entered the university immediately. Although compared with other members of my group, Mr. Li was lack of some experience, his ambition and persistence impressed me. His devotion and persistence can make him a potential researcher.
Although he studies in another university, he frequently keeps in touch with me. I feel very delighted when he told me he would like to pursue his advanced studies in your honored program. I trust his academic spirit of devotion and personally warrant his application. Should there be any way in which I can be of further assistance in your deliberations, please do not hesitate to contact me directly.
Sincerely yours,

这是第三篇
To whom it may concern:
I take great pleasure in recommending Mr. Li for acceptance to your distinguished graduate program.
I knew Mr.  Li 2 years ago after Professor  Wu introduced him to me. Then he often came to my lab to discuss some problems concerning the high frequency ground wave radar, one of my projects. He acted initially to collect related information about this project and often came to my lab to share his idea with me. I found he had learnt some basic methods and procedures for research by talking with him. His logical expression on the project also impressed me. At that time I let him complete a project about the frequency synthesis. During that period, he frequently showed up in my Lab to discuss the new problems and difficulties he came across. His performance suggested that he can search for help in different ways from the Internet and libraries to his classmates and teachers as well as make his own judgments based on others’ advice. Then He completed a linear frequency-modulated continuous wave of single slope as a part of a radar responsor. I can see his diligence and devotion in this project because he accomplished this project in his busiest semester. He often came to the Lab even after I had left. Generally speaking, based on his performance in my Lab, I find Mr. Li is a person who has a strong interest on research with diligence and devotion.  
During these years, I often talked with Mr. Li about his study and life in XXX University. He had personal talks with me several times. Sometimes, he would come up to me with some specific and practical problems he met in his study. He also talked to me about his plans of further education after graduate from Wuhan University. From that time on, he impressed me as an energetic and ambitious student. He always held a positive attitude and looked at the bright side of everything. As to his personality, I would like to say Mr. Li is a warm-hearted, honest and upright student. He is also firm and staunch. When he learnt some challenging courses which have a high requirement like Microwave Principle and Radio Propagation, he came across some difficulties. But with the strong interest on these subjects he never gave up and got high scores in final exam.
To sum up, I would like to conclude my recommendation as follows: he is a diligent, intelligent and optimistic student who voluntarily takes any challenge in study and research. Therefore I recommend him without reservation for his admission and financial aid to your program. Please feel free to contact me if needed.
Sincerely yours,
XXX

请各位提出修改的意见

好奇地看了下~感觉问题还挺多的~就看了第一篇
下面就改了下语法，话说lz是申phd还是master?如果是申phd的话感觉研究说得太少了
感觉第二段，除了前几句体现你积极参与科研，后面半段没说什么，第三段，应该还要写你这么课的分数，以及名次（最好是第一，前五也不错）。然后认真听讲啥的估计就不用写，最后一段如果是突出研究能力的话，你到底研究啥了还是没写。而且作为总结的话，啰嗦了点，没提供具体例子
那啥。。。英文的东西我改多了，看一篇要被我改的东西总觉得错得很多。。。我自己的rl才刚弄好。。。
下面是那些语法错误。。。

To whom it may concern
上次在哪看到有查过，这句已经过时了，不要这么用，就说Dear sir or madam
so as to support his application for admission into your MSEE program 中(admission into your)删掉
in the research in 2008.  the 去掉
because I didn’t have any appropriate project for him then. then换成at that time
He spent a lot of time understanding the textbook. 话说，老师怎么知道你花了很长时间干这事？
As a result, he has got a high score in the exam.  去掉has
he can instantly elaborate his logical ideas fluently. 说的太概括了，要具体例子
Meanwhile he has known some basic research procedures in Labs. has known改成knew
From these, I can see  Li is a diligent student. 为啥有clear concept，能elaborate fluently, know research procedures的人是diligent?
Mr. Li has the potential to make himself a successful student and researcher 你上面不是已经说了These characteristics give him a chance to be a potential researcher. 嘛
if he could be accepted for （further pursuit in your institution）.（）里的读不通
this potential. this改成his

回复 5# dsfish


    俺也在纠结rl, 想从PS中把一些话拿过来改，纠结，看到dsfish的修改功力，确实很强，能介绍一些写rl的原则和经验吗～

回复 6# jojo_0214
之前改过挺多英文的东西，不过纯粹改语法
我也纠结着，能改别人的改不来自己的。。。
rl的话，我看的是地里分享的那本best phrases for rl大概是这名字
然后我碰到的问题是，按照那本书里说的，说问题要具体，说一个人非常adj.,重要的是要举具体例子，不能说完adj.就了事了
结果一个rl就写掉1页。。。好像有点长

回复 7# dsfish

前面改得很好，谢谢！但我有个问题：为什么说if he could be accepted for （further pursuit in your institution）.（）里的读不通呢？我觉得for+名词pursuit做目的状语，此处意指“他被录取以实现进一步的追求”或者说白一点“为了帮助他实现进一步的追求，对方接受他”。这有错误吗？？还有，能评价下后两篇吗？

老外心中不是每个教授每个推荐人都是写文章的高手的，特别是中国推荐人的话。
句子太地道，肯定会被怀疑。

我觉得rl内容最关键，说清楚为啥推荐，看中这个学生哪点优点就行了，优点不在多，一条有含金量的足以。
语法以及结构不要太在意了。

回复 9# ytsr     实在话！