套磁结果不佳，请大佬们帮忙看看套磁信是否有问题

我准备申请加拿大ECE硕士，8月开始联络了16个不同学校的教授，研究方向是比较符合的。
不过目前只有一个从中国大陆过去渥太华的老师回复了我（他同时是隔壁大学有职称的老师，视频面试gg了），其他教授过了很久都没有回，哪怕有的还在主页上说招学生。
所以我觉得有可能是套磁信出了问题，麻烦大家帮我看一看哪里需要改进。是太长了吗？还是内容太过宽泛，让外国教授觉得是群发。

我有用模板，会根据不同教授的信息去修改内容。这个是套磁UBC分校的一封，请大家帮忙看一看。

Dear Professorxxxx:
This is a letter ofapplication for a master program.
I am currently inmy final year of a Bachelor of Optoelectronic Engineering degree at xxxUniversity, majoring in optical communications. A score with an average of 87%was obtained in my studies. I would like to ask if you have positions for MAScin xxxx Laboratory for 2021 Fall.

My research area isoptical sensor and optical communications. My paper "xxxx", in whichI proposed an optical sensor for cure monitoring, was published inCommunications. In addition, I had the experience of investigating thegeneration of soliton pairs and simulating the propagation of solitons onMatlab in a group studying the diffusion effects of crystals. A paper based onthis research is under review and a co-authorized patent was generated. Ifneeded, I will send my paper to you.

I want to furthermy study in optoelectronic engineering and explore free-space opticalcommunication. I believe this would cater well to my aspirations because I havespent my undergraduate research career in gaining a deep understanding ofpassive optical components and optical communications. I would certainly beinterested in continuing this line of work in graduate school. Also, I couldbring the perspective and experience I have accrued from working on opticalsensors and solitons. You are the top expert in fiber-optic technologies andhave done a lot of work in photonic devices and optoelectronic sensors, which Iam interested in significantly. Continuing my graduate study under yourguidance would provide me a strong environment for pursuing my interests andadvancing my research. I hope to study FSO communication or terahertzcommunication. If you have other topics to explore, you can also assign me one.

Meanwhile, I amadept at using Microsoft Office software, familiar with Matlab, and have abasic knowledge of C programming. I am able to communicate effectively with mysupervisor and colleagues to obtain valuable results for the research. I hopemy solid background in engineering can meet your general requirements. I deemit a great honor to become a graduate of UBC, if admitted. Would you pleaseconsider my application and tell me whether it is possible for me to beenrolled as your graduate?

Thank you very muchfor your kind assistance. I am looking forward to receiving your reply.
Sincerely,
xxxx


Postscript:enclosed in this letter is my CV, please check it.

可以短和精炼一点，几句话就okay。除非深度套，看他的paper去聊这种，表决心太空洞了。但主要陶瓷，收不到回信很正常。 投十来个，一个都收不到非常正常。老师可能根本不看外校邮箱的邮件。

EstelleYWAJ 发表于 2020-9-4 04:26
我感觉你没讲为什么一定得是这个老师，为什么是这个research topic，还有就是你内容和语句要更精简一些。例 ...

嗯，套句用得太多了，我应该写得简单一点。
“为什么是这个老师”应该从哪个方面来讲更好呢？我觉得"You are the top expert in... Continuing my study under your guidance would provide me..."这两句解释了为什么选择他（*...*)

wangzhijie003 发表于 2020-9-4 06:10
太长了，大部分老师都不会有看下去的动力的。。。建议还是言简意赅，重点给老师看cv和成绩单吧

补充内容 ( ...

是啊，”为什么是他而不是同一学院相同领域的其他教授“不容易解释(ㄒ…ㄒ)
感觉是太宽泛了，代入谁好像都可以

太太太太长了🤣

个人感觉太长了，后两段可以不用写，套词信是很实际的email，不用大段的来表决心

同意太长了，没有重点，一般这种邮件教授会就看个标题看两句开头然后直接删了或者放弃

我感觉你没讲为什么一定得是这个老师，为什么是这个research topic，还有就是你内容和语句要更精简一些。例如你的第一句话感觉没必要，你第一句话就要表明你这封邮件想干什么，可以写I am writing to ....，接着后面讲“the score with an average of 87% was obtained in my studies.” 感觉你为什么要把这么简单的东西写那么长呢？ 直接说你的gpa是多少不就行了？全篇这种类似的句子太多啦，而且像gpa这种cv里就有的信息不提也罢。就是我个人看法。

太长了，大部分老师都不会有看下去的动力的。。。建议还是言简意赅，重点给老师看cv和成绩单吧

补充内容 (2020-9-4 06:14):
点出你在research area的highlight，或者你觉得自己为什么适合这个导师的lab就行了。。。其他都可以涵盖在cv里。
以及，没收到回复也是挺正常的，很多导师都会等系里面筛完一遍人再去挑自己感兴趣的

fangxRGXE 发表于 2020-9-3 13:56
个人感觉太长了，后两段可以不用写，套词信是很实际的email，不用大段的来表决心

十分感谢。确实最后那段相对前面不算太重要，渥太华教授和我面试的时候也没我问编程那些的。