SOP求拍求修改

跟这个学校的教授有过交流，他建议我在写PS的版本的时候customize一下，写一写跟他的交流。我在想刚刚600words吧，只有一面是不是显得略少了点。研究经历和这个申请的方向不是很match，所以写的不是那么多。。


I got the will to further my study in Mechanical Engineering because the undergraduate experience in courses of Thermodynamics, Heat Transfer and Fluid Dynamics interests me so much that it inspired my desire to explore the area of thermal and fluid science and engineering. Due to my interests and efforts, I got percentage score above 95 in all the three principle courses mentioned above. My background and fair performance in thermal and fluid engineering encouraged me to apply for the doctoral program in Mechanical Engineering in RPI.
I have communicated with Prof. Aram Chung through email and Skype. He introduced his research to me which is very fascinating. He focused on investigation into fusions of microfluidics and optics, with potential applications for biology and manufacturing. During the conversation via Skype, I am especially impressed by the research which utilized special geometry structures to induce inertia forces, further the particles in the fluid would be focused in a single stream. Microfluidics, a very promising field, has shown multiple possibilities in many fields like manufacturing, diagnosis etc. It would be great pleasure if I got the opportunity to work with Prof. Chung.
    To prepare myself for the future research, I took part in the research program into osmosis. I encountered and figured out the problem why aquaporin could behave like a Maxwell’s Demon without breaching the Second Law of Thermodynamics. The diameter of vestibules of the aquaporin would affect the osmotic pressure experienced. This size effect makes this special kind of proteins behave like a Maxwell’s Demon. I managed to calculate the entropy change in the process. The calculation demonstrated that the entropy did not decrease because the aquaporin recognized only fraction of the solute particles and the remains failed to contribute to osmotic pressure. The osmosis process would cause a loss of information, i.e. an increase in entropy which compensate the negative change of entropy of mixing. Although this work is still unpublished and remained to be discussed, I am proud of this work because I managed to explain this Maxwell’s Demon problem which is recently noticed by the biologists focused on research into aquaporins.
   This research experience made me confident in my academic potential. Research into Bio-Optofluidics would require interdisciplinary knowledge and the undergraduate research confirmed my ability to learn and apply knowledge from different fields. Therefore, I am confident that I am qualified to join the PhD research program.
   Besides the doctorate, I also expect enjoying my research during my PhD candidate experience at RPI. The doctorate is a result and recognition for one’s work. It is the research process that would train my scientific research skills as well as build my character. The process of pursuing for a PhD degree would not only open the gate into academic research but also make me a person with determination. It will be a precious experience that will have profound effect on my whole life.
   RPI is the oldest technological institute in USA which enjoys worldwide reputation in the field of science and engineering. What’s more, RPI enjoys strong research power in the field of thermal and fluid engineering. For these reasons, I am eager to continue my research and education in the Mechanical Engineering PhD program at RPI.

呃。。木有人看啊。。求拍啊各位大神。。谢谢啦

感觉楼主写得挺好的，又很简洁，点也到了
专业上的问题不懂
第二段再加强一下比如对教授研究领域为什么感兴趣，自己希望的研究方向和教授在方向上的契合点之类的。。During the conversation via Skype之类的可以简单改成和教授的交流吧。。不要这么详细。
然后倒数第二段的比如, I also expect enjoying， The doctorate is a result and recognition for one’s work这样的用法感觉比较中式，建议修改
最后就是觉得开头不太出彩，不过也还可以啦，看楼主有没有更好的开头咯。
加油