推荐信求改

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am pleased to write this letter of recommendation for Miss W, in support of her application for your graduate program.
I have know Miss W for a long time since she enrolled in my class on Practice for Bank Accounting. Among all the students who have taken part in the course, Miss W is one of the few who stood out and left with me a positive impression. She always had passion for the lesson and was willing to interact with me. She often came to me discussing various questions and problems she encountered in her coursework. Her performance was excellent with a superior grade of 93 which is considered "A" , the highest level.
Due to the excellent academic performance, Miss W was selected to join in my market research project. She is working as one of my assistants. She has spent all days shuttling from one bank to another to collect first-hand information and has sacrificed rest time for summarizing and analyzing primary data. I have to say that she is a competent assistant. Miss W really has good communication skills and strong sense of team work. She accepts responsibility and is meticulous in doing her best in everything she does. She puts her heart and considerable intelligence into the work. In her, I see the qualities of a good researcher, including dedication, ability to work independently and in groups, and high professional standards.  
I feel very delighted when Miss W told me she would like to pursue her advanced studies in your honored program. I am firmly convinced that Miss. W will make a successful graduate student. Your favorable consideration of her admission will be highly appreciated.
Sincerely yours,

刚刚给老师去签，老师说有好多错误
现在心情好down，好想哭

这个还错误很多么...看不出来啊，修改一下再去找呗，干嘛这么down

第二行第三个词known，第三行left 啊

没说完，left me a positive impression。。。诸如此类，要改，不过要中国老师写的英文滴水不漏，那也不现实。。。找修改机构看看也行

LZ：我想提一个建议-你这推荐信的tongue能瞬间看出来是出自学生之手。建议对于事实的描述尽量的做到客观一些，不需要有太过于主观的意见-比如prof.说你是one of the few...不需要带上对于你定位上的评论，平实一点更像是教授的语气，比如：she reveals great enthusiasm along with good research habits which helps to deliver the work assigned to her, etc, etc吧。 你写的稍微有点emotional, 太感性了,这才是症结。语法错误不是大事儿

jayjia 发表于 2014-9-30 15:51
LZ：我想提一个建议-你这推荐信的tongue能瞬间看出来是出自学生之手。建议对于事实的描述尽量的做到客观一 ...

可是昨天看了一个帖子说推荐信应该要富有感情，平淡描述只会让人认为推荐人其实不是很愿意推荐被推荐人

jayjia 发表于 2014-9-30 15:51
LZ：我想提一个建议-你这推荐信的tongue能瞬间看出来是出自学生之手。建议对于事实的描述尽量的做到客观一 ...

而且reveal这些词都被认为是禁用的词，因为没有任何效果