PS cs申请phd 求批改 跪求狠批

马上deadline了 求狠批

暂定申请phd     求大家狠批   

我会给下载的童鞋加分的  求大家不吝赐教

一坨屎的PS啊啊啊.pdf (119.62 KB, 下载次数: 93)

2013-11-23 00:04 上传

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编程能力你可以通过代码量来体现啊，诸如积累了几万行代码，这个就很直观又不用太像流水账。

......PS看起来有点像CV啊...感觉一段段只有2，3句话。。

kankankankan

Personal Statement
Tuoyangzheng                Applying for PHD in XXXXXX Personal Statement Tuoyangzheng



I have defined my career goal as being a leading specialist in computer science and there is a roar in my heart, inspiring me walking steadily on my way, utilizing innovative technologies to address the challenging problems in the academic fields of network security.

After the highly competitive National Entrance Examination, I entered XXX. Inspired by various interactions science as my major.



I treat basic courses seriously and regard them as a foundation of my CS career. Fully engaged in both theory and practice, I have obtained an impressive transcript with GPA 90.14/100, and ranking 2/241.

. .иMeanwhile, fully interested in programming, I read the book “Modern Method for C Language Program Design” after class. Though not allowed for laptops as a freshman, I found my paradise, a lab, where computers are available for all students. Finding it a waste of time typing in the lab, I wrote lines of code in a notepad in advance such that I can input directly in the lab and do debugging. Compiling all the codes, linking and debugging, the output of my notepad shows the great enthusiasm of a neophyte for programming.

Later, I participated ACM training team and learned algorithm as well as data structure by myself, such as DFS, Dijistra, etc. Digesting efficient and interesting algorithms, I nearly spent the whole Spring Festival in online judge, POJ, Top Coder, etc. Though a tough time concentrating to both courses and algorithm in ACM, it pays. Later, I won the 3rd prize in the ACM contest in southwest of China, sponsored by Alibaba.

Not satisfied with single *.Cpp files, after a selecting, I joined in Network System Lab and under supervision by Dr. Gui. We were in a project about smart home network. I assisted to design UI in C#, implement functions, and do testing. On that time, virtual reality and openGL is new to me and it was rare tough.

There is a sub-project uncovered. I engaged in both demos and codes of open source projects and proposed the idea to utilize virtual reality to simulate Chinese Ink Drawing on computer. After making PPT, which includes an analysis of possibility, design, and budget, I gave a speech in the lab. Later, I was in charge of it. I co-operate with three mates on that project. I concentrated on algorithms and logical coding, and we finished it with an effective schedule I proposed. During the project, a contest sponsored by Intel and

XXX was invited. I passed interview and organized 1 of the 4 teams representing XXX. I put forward
the idea that develop our project in Atom, with wearable camera and I acted as the leader. I did the major design, re-constructing functions and interfaces, focused on tracing algorithm, and tested most of functions. On that summer, I exhibited our project in Shanghai and competing with 190 teams from China, Indonesia, and Mexico, we were honored with 3nd prize. After ending ceremony, I was fortunate to talk with Pranav Mehta from Intel. We talked about programming I still remembered his words algorithm is the art to use programming as a tool. After back home, I looked through various papers on network and gained a broader view. I was motivated by the world of computers.

At the beginning of my junior, I contacted to Prof. Li, who finished his post-doc career in University of

1

Waterloo. Beneficial from both my impressive transcript and project experience, I was admitted to his lab. In order to strengthen my background of research, I mastered LaTeX and MatLab skillfully by myself. I wrote reports for every paper and send them to Prof. Li. I have read a wide range of papers on network security in smart grid. Meanwhile, I assisted to edit, review papers, as well as draw figures, analyze data, etc. Obtaining an overview of smart grid, I spotted an undergoing improvement in communication between markets and control center. I discussed with Prof. Li to design an efficient outsourcing scheme thus can decrease workload in control center as well as avoid privacy leakage. Without experience on re-encryption, I searched plenty of safe outsource schemes and a lot of cryptograph schemes. After deducing formations, doing calculations of various papers, I derived an algorithm from proxy re-encryption (PRE). Analyzing it under system models, security requirement and security assumptions, it is demonstrated to be effective and efficient.

However, due to majority of time spending on courses and research, I did not make sufficient preparation for standard tests. As a consequence, my scores of Toefl and GRE are not perfect and I will to retake standard tests.

I am determined to apply for a PHD in network security related areas. And I know XXX is the ideal location for my study. I have looked through courses, projects and research in your department which really attracting my passion. Your department occupies a forefront position in this field. My investigation of your program revealed both an honorable academic community, and stimulating research atmosphere. I am longing for start a broader view of my world in XXX, please open doors for me!

Sincerely yours, XXX



纯文本格式  

1. PS不是写信，不需要写成信件的格式
2. 虽然段落短一点看着很舒服，但是你整体上看段落也太多了= =，好多段只有一句话啊。这样显得思维跳跃太大了
3. 还是一样的建议，很多人都注意不到：研究计划重要的不是说你做的流程，更重要的是要说你遇到了什么困难，你是怎么思考的。在这个流程中展现出你有Prof感兴趣的思考、研究、解决问题的能力。单单一句我这个项目做得很棒拿了很多奖励，没有说服力。
4. Beneficial from both my impressive transcript and project experience, I was admitted to his lab. 废话
5.  I derived an algorithm from proxy re-encryption (PRE) 同第三点，我觉得这是一个成就，可以展开写你是怎么derive的。受谁的启发，从哪里derive出来
6. However, due to majority of time spending on courses and research, I did not make sufficient preparation for standard tests. As a consequence, my scores of Toefl and GRE are not perfect and I will to retake standard tests. 不要写
7. I have looked through courses, projects and research in your department which really attracting my passion. 空洞无意义。说哪些教授研究的什么方向你感兴趣，申PhD不需要写你们课程设置很棒
8. please open doors for me! 不要写
9. 最后一段加强一下，突出你和对方项目的match
10. Sincerely yours, XXX删掉

1. 流水账太严重

2. 你申security为什么前大段都与security无关？重点不突出

3. security教授看中的能力比如math modeling你强调了么，通过做什么project/上什么课之类的，还有其他相关的能力也没有强调突出

pigonline 发表于 2013-11-23 11:43
1. PS不是写信，不需要写成信件的格式
2. 虽然段落短一点看着很舒服，但是你整体上看段落也太多了= =，好多 ...

真心感谢 我再修改一下 有些段落只有一句话可能是粘贴过来格式错误 不过确实分段太多了  我按照你的建议再修改一下

我的托福太低了 所以想说明一下 这个是不可以的吗

因为之前的项目coding和调试居多  涉及算法和高大上的东西太少   所以没办法展开写   这个请问有什么好建议吗

asdfyou6 发表于 2013-11-23 11:56
1. 流水账太严重

2. 你申security为什么前大段都与security无关？重点不突出

因为也想突出编程能力 所以就写了之前的编程经历

数学模型这个因为我确实没有涉及  之前没考虑到这一点 我再自己改一下 先感谢了!

immortaliqi 发表于 2013-11-23 12:36
真心感谢 我再修改一下 有些段落只有一句话可能是粘贴过来格式错误 不过确实分段太多了  我按照你的建议再 ...

我觉得是你的解释感觉不够有说服力
TOEFL这种可以反复考的你说全部都没准备好吗？
反而会对教授们强调一下你在GT的劣势。。

Chinglish 好严重，句式用词要找native speaker改一改啊

只看了一眼觉得However, due to majority of time spending on courses and research, I did not make sufficient preparation for standard tests. As a consequence, my scores of Toefl and GRE are not perfect and I will to retake standard tests.
这句千万不要，美国人不喜欢找理由，不要解释，考完直接update就可以