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本帖最后由 oifhyvsps 于 2016-7-4 11:18 编辑

题目:Because modern life is very complex, it is essentialfor young people to have the ability to plan and organize.
TPO48 INDEPENDENTWRITING
Because modern life is very complex, it is essentialfor young people to have the ability to plan and organize.
With the rapid development in all-rounded areas, weare exposed to massive information in our daily life, which means we have tofigure out the problems by selecting the essential information from hundreds ofand even millions of data. What's more, living in a relatively competetive era,we are asked to chase the pursuit of becoming extraordinarily outstandingpeople because all of us don't want to the one who lag behind. As a result, fewof us would deny that we young people need to master the skill of doing thingsin a planned and organized way, which is the basic skill for us to lead a orderlylife.
To begin with, other than spending much time onfocusing on study like taking courses and doing some field study and so on, westudents must spare much time to do exercise, which is essential in helping usbuild up strong bodies. Take myself for example, apart from spending enoughtime on taking courses in economics, I have to take much time to go swimming,which is a good way for me to relax myself, thus being much more energetic.There is no doubt that I have to make it a plan, because I cannot choose to goto the swimming pool exactly at the time when I am supposed to take amicroeconomics course, which must lead to a time conflict. To make sureeverything can go on routinely and efficiently in my daily life, I just makemyself a schedule, setting an exact period for me to go swimming, avoiding timeconflicts. Consequently, with a daily routine to follow, I lead a healthylifestyle more efficiently.
Meanwhile, meeting people and being prepared forentering the society are also important for us young people, which means weshould add all kinds of activities into our schedules. With the aim of huntingfor a good job in the talent market after garduation, we students must bepeople who develop themselves all-rounded. It is known that students who excelnot only in study performance but also in extra-curricular activities can meetthe needs of the job market, indicating that we have better grasp the abilityof behaving well in group activities which requires the skill of planning andorganizing well. Here is a case just matching my argument: When I was a firstyear student, I just spared no efforts to get involved in all kinds ofactivities because I believed that it is a virtue to experience the things youhaven't done before. However, when you want to stand out from others, you mustbe the leader first, which means you should master the skill of finishingprojects with your group members in a planned and organized way. As I didn'thave any experience before, I just made everything terrible when I alwaysmissed some significant details in those peojects.
Another crucial perspective we cannot ignore is thatsometimes we have to work in groups where things should be processed gradually,which means every group needs a well plan and a leader who has the skill oforganizing things well. It is noticeable that working in groups is all aboutcommunication and cooperation, which definitely require the skill of planning andorganizing. Sine without a processive plan, it is very likely for group membersto feel overwhelmed by those massive tasks which should be carried on step bystep.
There is no doubt that nowadays our daily life aremuch more complicated than the old times, leading to the fact that we need tostrike a balance between many different things. Consequently, we should learnto master the skill of leading our lives in a planned and organized way, whichcan make our life much more efficiently.

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yzabc007 2016-7-4 12:28:02 | 只看该作者
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本帖最后由 yzabc007 于 2016-7-4 12:38 编辑

我主要看以下逻辑和语言
逻辑:
论点一是协调学习和运动导致健康生活 论据是自己上课 评价 这个论点没毛病 论据一般 不过也能自圆其说
论点二是学会安排时间好找工作 论据是自己当领导没能协调好 评价 这个论点和论据结合的有问题 论点说好找工作 论据没能接上 而且跟下面的团队合作有点重复-baidu 1point3acres
论点三团队合作需要计划 论据是团队需要交流合作 评价 这个论点跟上面的两个不是很连贯 论据也不是很有力
语言:.--
有三个错别字 句式有变化 但是重复了两边there is no doubt 而且句式用的比较僵硬 ,which的定语从句用得比较多 词汇没有很高级的 运用一般. 1point3acres.com
整体打分应该是在21-23左右
建议:这个题目其实算是比较麻烦的 但是麻烦的反而可以写很多 所以其中利弊自己掌握
题目中三个要点complex; young people; plan & organize 缺一不可 后两点都有所涉及 complex强调力度不够. 1point3acres.com
按照你的思路 如果要修改的话 可以这样写
首段 首先定义complex 具体说明啥是complex complex对年轻人有啥影响 无非是工作紧任务重没时间-->引出年轻人怎么应对
段一 学习工作-安排好-健康生活 论据 自己上课就行
段二 老板教给你的工作-安排好-好找工作 论据 这个应该往年轻人找工作上靠 就说自己找实习啥的 实习中学到计划的重要性
段三 团队合作-安排好-效率高 论据 这个例子再具体点 比如组织出游 安排人员 订票 食宿 都是需要严谨的计划. Χ
这个题目找论点的话 除了跟上面 按照行为的结果 规划的好处-健康生活好找工作效率高 来写思路 还可以从年轻人的角度 为什么年轻人就得好好规划呢而不是老年人 强调年轻人的特殊性 1年轻人没经验做事慢需要规划 2年轻人课多娱乐活动多时间少需要规划 3年轻人培养良好的习惯规律的生活节奏需要规划 等等 再举举不规划没计划的严重后果 就OK了或者是针对规划的内容 怎么规划 这样规划的好处 比如每天做计划有啥好处 定闹钟有啥好处 等等
或者是针对complex 社会怎么复杂了 年轻人怎么应对 有啥好处 比如时间少 任务重 精力多 等等
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伯阳 2016-7-5 15:26:16 | 只看该作者
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一亩三分地严打"顶""好贴""收藏了"之类的垃圾回复帖!被警告三次,系统会自动封杀ID!

想支持楼主,请点击帖子下方的"好苗""分享""收藏"键,酌情给楼主加大米(系统不扣你自己的分)。. 1point3acres.com
积分不够看不了帖子,请参考论坛导航里的"帮助","新手提纲"里有攒积分指南
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yzabc007 2016-7-4 11:20:41 | 只看该作者
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考托福不易 给你看看吧
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yzabc007 2016-7-4 11:49:41 | 只看该作者
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一亩三分地严打"顶""好贴""收藏了"之类的垃圾回复帖!被警告三次,系统会自动封杀ID!

想支持楼主,请点击帖子下方的"好苗""分享""收藏"键,酌情给楼主加大米(系统不扣你自己的分)。
积分不够看不了帖子,请参考论坛导航里的"帮助","新手提纲"里有攒积分指南
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 楼主| oifhyvsps 2016-7-4 21:19:38 | 只看该作者
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yzabc007 发表于 2016-7-4 12:28
我主要看以下逻辑和语言
逻辑:. ----
论点一是协调学习和运动导致健康生活 论据是自己上课 评价 这个论点没毛 ...

天呐 太赞了! 谢谢你! 我写的时候一只觉得写不出第三个了,所以第二个第三个重复了。所以是要好好审题,对于给出的信息点都要提及。非常感谢你!
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 楼主| oifhyvsps 2016-7-4 21:19:55 | 只看该作者
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萝卜家的青菜 发表于 2016-7-4 15:18
去蘑菇夺分网站,在TPO48把你的作文填写到作文答题框提交,会有老师免费批改的

好的,谢谢你!
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yzabc007 2016-7-5 07:31:01 | 只看该作者
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oifhyvsps 发表于 2016-7-4 21:19
天呐 太赞了! 谢谢你! 我写的时候一只觉得写不出第三个了,所以第二个第三个重复了。所以是要好好审题 ...

写不出第三个 不要强写 写个反例段也可以 自己好好琢磨琢磨
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