附上pS，申MIS，求点评！

Prepare an essay that discusses your educational experiences, activities, and goals.  The essay may include influences in your life and reasons you decided to apply.  Discuss your career plans and in what way you believe this program will allow you to achieve them or assist you in realizing your personal and professional goals?  Please give these questions extensive thought before formulating a well-prepared

Self-introduction

As a student of Information Management and the Information System (IMIS) at Harbin Institute of Technology, China’s top 3 institution of MIS field, I would like to scale higher intellectual heights by undertaking advanced studies in your MSIS program. For the purpose to take system analyst as my career path, such studies will help me strengthen my business skills and technical expertise.

Why this field

With keen interest in both business and information technology, I chose IMIS as my major. At first I saw myself to be a pure technologist working for IT companies in the future. Right after the course “Introduction to Management Information Systems” in my freshman year, I got a better view about my major and my career goal became clearer. In this course I learned the application and development of MIS in electronic business, ERP, enterprise information system and project management. I got to know that a system analyst plays the key role of bridging business and technology who not only can contribute a lot to the development of a firm, but also has a promising prospect. This is right to my interest, and from then on I determined my career path as a system analyst- a business technologist- in the future, designing and developing information systems to solve the business problems in enterprises and government offices.

Your academic ability - CS

The technical skills that I gained from courses in my major is helpful for me to successfully accomplish the projects and internships in both work and study, and also important for me to fulfill the graduate study. The courses like C programming, Object-Oriented programming and Web-based system development techniques, guarantees me a good programming ability to further my study in this field. These courses are tough, but with perseverance and keen interest I won high scores on these courses (85%, 91% and 93%). I have also successfully applied the knowledge into practice and completed some projects on my own. I once was designated to develop a database management system for a virtual mini-supermarket. With a thorough understanding of  database, I designed the system by drawing E-R model and Data flow diagram, clarifying relationships between different entities, then I solved some technical problems, such as how to link the database to the system, how to realize the function of event action, and programmed an application with Java and SQL. The application, run smoothly and got me praise from my teacher. However, due to my lack of knowledge on business analytics, the application was not so powerful. In this process, I realized the basic functions of MIS and successfully put technology into product. I also came to understand that a combination of business and technology could bring more powerful products.

Your academic ability - Business

A system analyst should be one who can skillfully use business concepts and models to analyze business problems. I have taken some business courses i, from which I learned marketing strategies, decision-making models and basic skills and etiquettes of effective business communication. Though my business analysis ability is limited, I could still form a kind of business thought and successfully integrated it into practice. In the “Challenge Cup” Entrepreneurship Competition, as the team leader I discussed on innovative product with teammates, made a clear distribution of labor within the team, and was responsible for market analysis, competitiveness analysis and developing marketing strategy for our “company”. I applied tools like SWOT Analysis Model to analyze the situation, used market sizing methods to predict the market size and fix the price. We ended up with a business plan and a presentation of our new product, which won us a small prize in our university. A business thought is essential for a man who wants to become a system analyst in the future, and I hope to further develop business thought in graduate study.

Working experience

The internship experience I got enables me to fully integrate knowledge into practice and get a better view of the role of system analyst. From July to September, 2012, I worked as an internship in China Vanke.Co.,Ltd., the largest real estate company in China. I was a member of the business process team, which was responsible for project management and business process reengineering. In this internship, my leader and I held the JAD conferences to identify demands and collect support data; we determined the problem domain, analyzed the former business processes of different apartments and redesigned new ones with Turtle graph, and developed a PERT/CPM Chart to illustrate the general redesigned process to the management staff for further discussion and revision. A new procedure processing information system will also be developed after the redesign phase. From the internship, I improved my business analysis ability, which was what I lack in: I got an overview of SLDC, got deeper understanding on how to identify demands, how to analyze business process and how to implement project management in a company. After the internship, the role of a system analyst became clearer to me.

Your academic ability - Contest

My excellent learning ability and an earnest attitude will help me to inspire my potential in further education in academic career. In winter 2012, I participated in the Interdisciplinary Contest in Modeling (ICM) held by COMAP (the Consortium for Mathematics and its Applications). The task was to find out suspicious criminals using data of a network of conversation among people. To solve the problem, we need a very good understanding of social network analysis and data mining. My teammates and I had never learned anything about this before, all we could do was to work together read papers on the subjects and found out data on related algorithms to form a model on our own within 3 days. Finally I gained inspiration from “virus transmission model” and used latent semantic analysis and text analysis techniques to determine the relationships between people. Our final solution won the “Honorable Mention” Award, which was a demonstration to my learning ability and teamwork spirit.

Why us

I have long had aspiration for the MSIS program in Kelly Business School because I believe from this program I can learn a lot more on how to integrate business thoughts with IT technologies. From the courses in this program I can strengthen my skills in programming, analysis, design, IT management and strategy. The different concentrations of the curriculum gives me the opportunity to specialize on System Analysis and Architecture, which is keen to my career goal. The MBA elective courses provide me with the opportunity to learn more on business methods and further develop business thoughts, which I think is critical for system analyst and what I lack. Moreover, the unique teaching style -- Experiential Learning Style in this program like Capstone Project, case competitions and internships--will give me a chance to apply knowledge into practice. This program provides me with the opportunity to both enjoy the diversity to get a wider view of the world, and start to build my own social network through the top alumni resource of Kelly graduates. I have to say that to pursue further education in Indiana University, Bloomington is the best way to fulfill my academic and career goal.

BD IUB 加油，我继续苦逼写ps去

yyy884849 发表于 2012-10-10 15:12
BD IUB 加油，我继续苦逼写ps去

求点评，求互改。。

PS 头痛。。。。。

好多字嗷啊。。。看不下去。。

谢谢楼主的分享~~~~
共勉。

謝樓主分享

媽媽說過 所有用 some 的地方都要改得更specific才行

IUB的MSIS在Kelly商学院下面？

感觉挺不错

点都抓到了，但是能在简略点就好了，另外这样分点写的格式不知道可以不可以啊……