【独立】jj作文求改~

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays do not respect their teachers as much as they did in the past.

思路：同意题目观点，提出两个理由（社会文化改变--有利，教学方式改变--不利），最后总结。共339词。

Education is one of the key words in the society which always triggers hot discussion. The relationship of teachers and students, directly or indirectly, influences education quality and determines their academic performance and future career development to some degree. Indeed, young people nowadays do not respect their teachers as much as they did in the past, due to cultural differences and the change of education methods and objectives.
（首段肯定题目中的观点，并且提出两个原因）
Compared with ancient China, nowadays teacher-student relationship seems to be more friendly and equally. In times of Confucius, students were not allowed to speak freely in class, let alone discussing or debating with teachers on a specific question. It was a common sense for students to regard their teachers as fathers. While nowadays, students can sit together with teachers and provide various prospective in class. It seems that they respect less than the past, while this kind of equality breaks the absolute authority of teachers, sparks inspiration in study and foster critical thinking ability of students.
（原因一：文化变化，对比中国古代，现在的师生关系更加和谐平等，这看似是没有之前尊重，但其实是一种很好的现象。）
Furthermore, the tremendous change of education methods and objectives has decreased the respect from students to their teachers. Students nowadays pay more focus on extrinsic motivation such as grades and rewards. The natural desire of obtaining knowledge has been distorted to a higher grades in order to applying for a promoting job or a graduate school. Strict teachers who are knowledgeable but offer low grades are not welcomed by students and receive few respect. For example, more students apply for the limited seats in a loose class, regardless their interest in the content of the lecture, just because the teacher in this class allows absence and demands simple assignments. Such is the case that students do not respect teachers as the past, which should be improved.
（原因二：学生更加注重分数而不是知识本身，对于老师的学术方面就不够尊重了，这种情况应该加以改善。）
In conclusion, as the changing of the culture, the relation of students and teachers changes. In addition, students pays more attention on grades rather than the knowledge they can acquire from teachers. Both of the reasons lead to the situation that students do not respect teachers as the past.
（总结段是不是写的有点机械的重复上面的观点了？）

写作文小错误不断……看了几遍才觉得改的差不多
觉得句子结构有些把握不好，是不是用了太多从句，显得读起来很累很冗长？
另外，在文章思路上还有段落结构上，希望加以评价~~
多谢各位大虾的批评指正~~^ ^

自己来顶一下，不要沉下去啊，大家帮忙看下~~

观点鲜明最好 但建议有一定的反面 可以说明你思考的critical和全面

我觉得观点的 develop 挺好的。不过语法错误不少。（看了几篇文章，发现我最喜欢批改这样的，能读得下去，错误也好找 ;)

Education is one of the key words in the society which always triggers hot discussion.

这里是不是该用复数形式呢？定语从句修饰的是 key words 吧。

The relationship of teachers and students, directly or indirectly, influences education quality and determines their academic performance and future career development to some degree. Indeed, young people nowadays do not respect their teachers as much as they did in the past, due to cultural differences and the change of education methods and objectives.
（首段肯定题目中的观点，并且提出两个原因）
Compared with ancient China, nowadays teacher-student relationship seems to be more friendly and equally.

friendly 是形容词，equally 呢。。

In times of Confucius, students were not allowed to speak freely in class, let alone discussing or debating with teachers on a specific question. It was a common sense for students to regard their teachers as fathers.

common sense 不可数。

这个类比挺好，但是要注意的是这只在中国文化中成立，西方文化并没有「父-子」那种对立关系。其实这两段的论证都有这个问题，列举的现象和原因可能只有对中国文化比较了解的人才能明白。不知道批改中国考生的考官是什么情况，但我觉得最好要体现出这一点，比如可以简单提下不同文化的区别。

While nowadays, students can sit together with teachers and provide various prospective in class.

你想说 perspective 吧（另外，这个词可数，various 后应该用复数）。

It seems that they respect less than the past, while this kind of equality breaks the absolute authority of teachers, sparks inspiration in study and foster critical thinking ability of students.

respect 需要宾语。foster 应该用单数。

（原因一：文化变化，对比中国古代，现在的师生关系更加和谐平等，这看似是没有之前尊重，但其实是一种很好的现象。）

这个观点挺好，但是实际的英文并没有很好的点明观点，应该显式地指出这种现象「很好」。

Furthermore, the tremendous change of education methods and objectives has decreased the respect from students to their teachers. Students nowadays pay more focus on extrinsic motivation such as grades and rewards.

pay 还是跟 attention 吧。focus 可以用 be focused。

The natural desire of obtaining knowledge has been distorted to a higher grades in order to applying for a promoting job or a graduate school.

冠词和单复数问题。in order to do。promoting job 是什么意思捏。。

Strict teachers who are knowledgeable but offer low grades are not welcomed by students and receive few respect.

few 要跟 可数名词，用 little。

For example, more students apply for the limited seats in a loose class, regardless their interest in the content of the lecture, just because the teacher in this class allows absence and demands simple assignments.

应该有比 loose 更合适的词修饰 class 吧。regardless of。

Such is the case that students do not respect teachers as the past, which should be improved.
（原因二：学生更加注重分数而不是知识本身，对于老师的学术方面就不够尊重了，这种情况应该加以改善。）
In conclusion, as the changing of the culture, the relation of students and teachers changes.

relationship 吧。

In addition, students pays more attention on grades rather than the knowledge they can acquire from teachers.

pay attention to

Both of the reasons lead to the situation that students do not respect teachers as the past.
（总结段是不是写的有点机械的重复上面的观点了？）

LZ 是不是想说 respect 确实少了，但是不一定是坏事。是的话就应该明确地点出来，这样立意就更好了。

写作文小错误不断……看了几遍才觉得改的差不多
觉得句子结构有些把握不好，是不是用了太多从句，显得读起来很累很冗长？

挺好的，不感觉冗长。（论坛小建议，标题最好把题目写上 :)