机经作文求改求估分

1.自我感觉好像有偏题的可能性
2.感觉有些词用得太频繁，有木有赶脚？
3.大神求修改。
4.求估分呗。

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people nowadays do not
respect their teachers as much as they did in the past.

With the development of the economy, people's relationship with each other changes. One of the changes is the relationship between students and their teachers. It is obvious that students show less and less respect to teachers, no matter in the public places or in the class. As far as I am concerned, both teachers and parents should be blamed for such variation.

For parents, it is no denying that the declining of their children's morality cause such consequence. Parents, their first teachers, throw themselves into work, in order to feed their family in such a competitive society, which makes them have little time to educate their children about the social morality, including the respect to teachers. Once we pay attention to the newspaper, we can easily find some students have committed a crime such as stealing other's asset, raping and taking drug. What's more, after investigation, it is usually found that their parents are away from them in order to feed them. What it shows is that lacking education about morality from the society makes students lack the sense of behaving properly, which leads them to show little respect to teachers.

For teachers, the responsibility of them is not only to teach students about the knowledge of the mathematic, chemistry and physics, but also about how to behave properly in the society and cultivate their morality. However, having payed too much time on the former one makes them have little time to teach, influence and help students to form good qualities. It is not rarely seen in the newspaper that a student, did well in his study, hurt or even killed others deliberately. Such bad news alarms us that it is urgent for the teachers to spend more time in helping their students to grow up as normal persons, instead of fearsome killers with high score in test.

.--In a word, students are blank paper as they were born. What the society needs to do is to paint them in proper color, in proper proportion and in proper way. Both the parents and the teachers are responsible for such a task.

怎么都没人来帮帮忙评呢。为什么呢。为什么呢。

中间两段可能太少了 建议两正一反 或者两反一正

1.自我感觉好像有偏题的可能性

是，题目问的是，你是否同意这条论断，而不是它产生的原因。这样写相当于默认了论断的正确性。

2.感觉有些词用得太频繁，有木有赶脚？

make 用得太多了，而且都有点别扭。

你用了两次 "makes them have little time" 和一次 "makes students lack"，这显然是从「使得」直译过来的嘛。。

"makes them have little time" 可以换成 "leaves them little time" 这种。

不论主题的话，还是挺好的，下边随便挑点刺儿哈。。

With the development of the economy （随着经济的发展么 - -，这个还是少用吧，不能什么问题都随便归结于经济发展，对吧）, people's relationship with each other changes. One of the changes is the relationship between students and their teachers. It is obvious that students show less and less respect to teachers, no matter in the public places or in the class. As far as I am concerned, both teachers and parents should be blamed for such variation （variation 是偏差的意思啊）.

For parents, it is no denying that the declining of their children's morality cause such consequence. Parents, their first teachers, throw themselves into work, in order to feed their family in such a competitive society, which makes them have little time to educate their children about the social morality, including the respect to teachers. Once we pay attention to the newspaper （看报纸不需要 pay attention 这么强烈的词，你可以说 pay attention to 报纸上类似的无数事例）, we can easily find some students have committed （好像有点别扭。。find 后边是个从句？乍看起来感觉像是 find sb do sth 的句式）a crime such as stealing other's asset（这几种罪用简单直接的说法就好了，没必要搞得这么具体，而且偷窃一般不说是偷人家的 asset）, raping and taking drug. What's more, after investigation, it is usually found that their parents are away from them in order to feed them （感觉有点别扭。。）. What it shows is that lacking education about morality from the society （from 修饰的什么？）makes students lack the sense of behaving properly, which leads them to show little respect to teachers.

For teachers, the responsibility of them is not only to teach students about the knowledge of the mathematic, chemistry and physics, but also about how to behave properly in the society and cultivate their morality. However, having payed too much time （时间用 spend 吧）on the former one makes them have little time to teach, influence and help students to form good qualities. It is not rarely seen in the newspaper that a student, did （doing）well in his study, hurt or even killed others deliberately. Such bad news alarms us that （alarm能接双宾语？）it is urgent for the teachers to spend more time in （on吧）helping their students to grow up as normal persons, instead of fearsome killers with high score in test.

In a word, students are blank paper as they were born. What the society needs to do is to paint them in proper color, in proper proportion and in proper way. Both the parents and the teachers are responsible for such a task.