bmbdl-已修改年轻人现在更可能提供帮助吗？

Young people now are more likely to help others than young people were in the past.

Is it the truth that young people are now more likely to lend a helping hand than their counterparts did before? Some people claim that young people are no longer willing to help other than they were in the past. From my perspective, however, I strongly disagree with those people. My point of contention with those people involves easier access to aid others and better education young people receive, as discussed below.

To begin with, the development of technology no doubt offers more avenues to assist others’ troubles. With the aid of Internet, we can answer people’s questions more quickly and efficiently. A good case in point is that when my classmates, who have trouble with their homeworks at home, can simply turn on their computers, connect them to a network, and turn to each other for helps, at the same time they are able to offer solutions convenienly through the Internet. However, the network was never handy in the past, when young people could only go to teachers’ offices or visit their homes in person. Besides, faster and more convenient as the transportation is, it is no longer a problem for one to come in person to help another if they are far away from each other. Therefore, to give a hand is becoming easier with the help of advanced technology.

In addition to easier access to aid others, young people nowadays receive better education than they have ever been before, within which offering kind help is imparted to students as a virtue over and over again. For example, when I was a little boy, my Chinese teacher Tony in primary shool taught me, “A good boy should help those who are in trouble”; when I was in middle school, class teacher Jenny said at the very first lesson, “Help others, help yourself”; and when I entered high school, classmates’ willness to help each other makes me realize that helping others is literally a joy. Nevertheless, those who received less education or even had no opportunity for good education were less likely to be aware of what a giving hand can bring about.

However, those who disagree with my statement may argue that more frauds are taking advantage of people’s kindness, thereby making people afraid to help other. Admittedly, these phenomenon do exist. Yet it cannot change the warm hearts of individuals to help other, since it is huamn nature to help.

To sum up, despite few cases that frauds used people’s kindness happened, young people never stop giving their hands, for easier access to help others and a better education they receive. And I do believe that a giving hand makes the world a better place.

求改 不要沉啊

我觉得LZ的行文还是挺好的，话题的develop和例子都比较好。主要问题是语法。语法完美的话就是篇好文了。

Young people now are more likely to help others than young people were in the past.

Is it the truth that young people are now more likely to lend a helping hand than their counterparts did before? Some people claim that young people are no longer willing to help other than they were in the past.

这里 other 泛指，应该用 others。另外，后边有个 than，但是前边没有比较级（no longer 可不是哦）。

From my perspective, however, I strongly disagree with those people.

不同意这些人，但实际上还是同意题目观点的，对吧。这样写，感觉饶了个弯。。

My point of contention with those people involves easier access to aid others and better education young people receive, as discussed below.

access to 后边要接名词。

To begin with, the development of technology no doubt offers more avenues to assist others’ troubles.

avenue 的这种用法好像挺生僻啊，而且能接 to do 么？

With the aid of Internet, we can answer people’s questions more quickly and efficiently.

因特网是一个特定的东西（全世界就一个），应该用 the Internet。

A good case in point is that when my classmates, who have trouble with their homeworks at home, can simply turn on their computers, connect them to a network, and turn to each other for helps, at the same time they are able to offer solutions convenienly through the Internet.

at the same time 貌似得另起一句吧？

However, the network was never handy in the past, when young people could only go to teachers’ offices or visit their homes in person.

在以前网络不是不 handy，而是根本不存在 ;)

Besides, faster and more convenient as the transportation is, it is no longer a problem for one to come in person to help another if they are far away from each other. Therefore, to give a hand is becoming easier with the help of advanced technology.

In addition to easier access to aid others, young people nowadays receive better education than they have ever been before, within which offering kind help is imparted to students as a virtue over and over again.

than 前后应该是相同形式，后边用 been 的话一般是被动，应该用  done。over and over again 重复了吧。

For example, when I was a little boy, my Chinese teacher Tony in primary shool taught me, “A good boy should help those who are in trouble”; when I was in middle school, class teacher Jenny said at the very first lesson, “Help others, help yourself”; and when I entered high school, classmates’ willness to help each other makes me realize that helping others is literally a joy. Nevertheless, those who received less education or even had no opportunity for good education were less likely to be aware of what a giving hand can bring about.

However, those who disagree with my statement may argue that more frauds are taking advantage of people’s kindness, thereby making people afraid to help other. Admittedly, these phenomenon do exist.

phenomenon 有复数形式的。

Yet it cannot change the warm hearts of individuals to help other, since it is huamn nature to help.

To sum up, despite few cases that frauds used people’s kindness happened, young people never stop giving their hands, for easier access to help others and a better education they receive.

应该用 a few，因为确实有发生，few 实际表否定了。另外，despite 后边好像很少接 that 从句的，一般就接个名词，我搜了下找到这个讨论 http://www.englishforums.com/English/DespiteThatClause/bpmjz/post.htm

And I do believe that a giving hand makes the world a better place.

bmbdl 发表于 2013-8-17 22:20
我觉得LZ的行文还是挺好的，话题的develop和例子都比较好。主要问题是语法。语法完美的话就是篇好文了。

...

感谢bmdl的修改 好仔细 指出了好多错误 感谢~~~ 有一点avenue其实用的很多啦 我看多很多范文写的都有