PS求好心人帮忙修改一下！谢谢！

competitors involving in the game 是不是应该改成 involved in the game？

好的地方不说了，挑点刺哈。
通读了一边，感觉你就在叙述一些你本来可以写在简历上的东西，写得过于详细了一些。感觉你换专业的事情，可以写得深入一点，用点感情，突出你真的喜欢现在的专业。另外，感觉有点消极，比如下面一段：
Although we only get the third prize in the competition, I was really proud of my teammates and myself, because we all knew how hard we worked and how much we learnt, and what matters most, we successfully converted an idea to a real functional injector.
. Χ
如果改成下面的,是不是感觉好一些，突出你有自信，并从你的成功中感受到喜悦。
We all worked hard and successfully converted an idea to a real functional injector. I was really proud of myself and my teammates because we won the third prize in the competition.

让自己变得unique，这样叙述故事肯定不行，比如你的teammates是不是可以和你写一样的东西？

下面是我看到Harvard director of admission关于PS写的：

What I would love to have people do in preparing their essays is to do a great deal of self-assessment and reflection on their lives and on what's important to them because the most important thing to us is to get a very candid and real sense of the person.

个人感觉是，PS是写what happened in the past that have shaped the person who you are now, how you become who you are now so that people can see that you are likely to succeed in the future.

be confident in yourself and be proud of what you have achieved so far. Write with true feelings and talk about the negative in a positive way.

另外，好多语法错误哈

加油！

事例觉得还蛮感人，但是有点记流水账的形式了，如果列出一个小例子去说明自己的收获和感受比较好

顺其自然123 发表于 2013-9-23 20:06
好的地方不说了，挑点刺哈。
通读了一边，感觉你就在叙述一些你本来可以写在简历上的东西，写得过于详细了 ...

谢谢你~@顺其自然123~帮我写了这么多，蛮感谢的啊~

徐小桃 发表于 2013-10-1 10:00
事例觉得还蛮感人，但是有点记流水账的形式了，如果列出一个小例子去说明自己的收获和感受比较好

嗯，@徐小桃，我正在改动中，谢谢~~~

我把我改动后的第2版也PO上论坛了，http://www.1point3acres.com/bbs/ ... id=73162&extra=， 各位有空可以去帮我看看吗？谢谢偶尔~~

囧~~忽略 typo“偶尔”~~