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[T作文-已改] 鸡精写作—Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

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本帖最后由 q198800287 于 2013-8-21 17:57 编辑

写完才发现把题目的范围缩小了,effect happiness直接写成了bring happiness,不知道这样妥不妥当,大神们路过的过给点意见撒,3q啦。

文章大概结构:
开头,表示同意
人们考工作养活自己,只有能养活自己,才有happiness可言
热爱工作是快乐的源泉
结尾,提升立意,说了点人类共同的幸福

Today, everyone has a job, and everyone needs a job. Also, in a world with highly developed communication technology, social life begins to play an important role in our every life. So which one brings us more happiness? It’s really hard to tell for most people. However, in my opinion, job is always the real source of happiness, while social life can improve our life quality only when we have jobs and are able to earn money.

Job supports people’s life. Only by working, we could be repaid, and with money, we could purchase food, cloths, house and any other stuff. We even won’t live a normal life without these supplies. Especially, some people have to support their family, their parents, wife and children. Family is always the center of people’s life, and watching TV, doing sporting exercise or traveling with family members makes people feel relax and comfortable. So job gives us happiness by offering money we can spend freely. On the contrary, social life is based on our income. Think about a person who has no job and no salary. He might gain happiness by playing with his friends, talking with neighbors and so on, but this won’t last long. One day he would run out of his money and realize that his life is in a mass, all the happiness has gone away.

One of the most wonderful things for people is that they like their own job. If you have a job like this, you’d better cherish it because it could be the significant source of your happiness. And if not, try to find one. A creditable job with good pay makes people feel satisfied, secure, independent and confident about their future life. People who favor their jobs tend to be good at regular their current life and plan their future career, and lead to a success and happy life. The queen of talk show Oprah favors her career as a media player, and her humor and confidence are characters that audiences always appreciate. After decades of onerous searching and delicate planning, she now is a consultant of a magazine and leading a peaceful life on her own farm. And she says that it is her job and career who remind her that what she really wants and what is the real happiness, and thanks to the job, she has found the real meaning of life and the peace of mind. Social life might contribute to our happiness, too. However, aside friends met in our early life, most social connection are built from work, especially the jobs we are willing to devote to. In this case, we can also see the fundamental role of job.

According to above discussion, it’s safe to say that job gives more happiness to people than social life does. In a rapid developing society, we need to contribute to our city, our country, even the whole world by working hard, not just for our own happiness, but the happiness of all the human beings.

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xzb88 2013-8-19 16:00:02 | 显示全部楼层
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本帖最后由 xzb88 于 2013-8-19 16:09 编辑

Today, everyone has a job, and everyone needs a job. Also, in a world with highly developed communication technology, social life begins to play an important role in our every life. So which one brings us more happiness? It’s really hard to tell for most people. However(没有转折不需要用however), in my opinion, job is always the real source of happiness, without which no one can improve the quality of life.(TS句不要含糊)

Job supports people’s life. Only by working, by acquiring the savage can we purchase food, cloths, house and any other stuff. We even will not live a normal life without these supplies. Especially, some people have to support their family, their parents, wife and children. (Family is always the center of people’s life, and watching TV, doing sporting exercise or traveling with family members makes people feel relax and comfortable.)(这里论证family的好处感觉会让论证混乱) So job gives us happiness by offering money we can spend freely. Besides, social life is based on our income. Think about a person who has no job and no salary. He might gain happiness by playing with his friends, talking with neighbors and so on, but this will not last long. One day he would run out of his money and realize that his life is in a mass, all the happiness has gone away.

One of the most wonderful things for people is that they like their own job. If you have a job like this, you’d better cherish it because it could be the significant source of your happiness. And if not, try to find one. A creditable job with good pay makes people feel satisfied, secure, independent and confident about their future life. People who favor their jobs tend to be good at regular their current life and plan their future career, which leads to a success and happy life. Let me give an example. The queen of talk show Oprah favors her career as a media player, and her humor and confidence are characters that audiences always appreciate. After decades of onerous searching and delicate planning, she now is a consultant of a magazine and leading a peaceful life on her own farm. And she says that it is her job and career who remind her that what she really wants and what is the real happiness, and thanks to the job, she has found the real meaning of life and the peace of mind. Social life might contribute to our happiness, too. Moreover, aside friends met in our early life, most social connection are built from work, especially the jobs we are willing to devote to. In this case, we can also see the fundamental role of job.

According to above discussion, it’s
convincing to say that job gives more happiness to people than social life does. In a rapid developing society, we need to contribute to our city, our country, even the whole world by working hard, not just for our own happiness, but the happiness of all the human beings.


句式比较单一,许多表达不流利,最好还是3个分论点。
我也写成了bring happiness, 个人觉得有跑题风险

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 楼主| smellycat 2013-8-19 17:23:55 | 显示全部楼层
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xzb88 发表于 2013-8-19 16:00
Today, everyone has a job, and everyone needs a job. Also, in a world with highly developed communic ...

好的,我再仔细看看,那个论证family是少写了一句话
关于审题今天看了一篇文章http://bbs.xiaoma.com/thread-458853-1-1.html,感觉还是挺有用的
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