独立作文求改

.1point3acres
8.24 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.
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With the development of modern society, we are facing more and more pressure from work and life. So, relaxation becomes a necessity in our day to day life. However, when it comes to which way to be chosen to relax, people's opinion differs from person to person. Active people may choose physical exercise, while introverts prefer watching a movie or reading a book. On personal level, I'm fond of doing some physical exercise for some reasons listed below.

First and foremost, doing some sports means sweating, which would help excrete not only sweat but also stress from your body. It is the general situation, after you doing some physical exercise, you would feel relaxing and comfortable. In the mean time, your brain will not be as heavy as before, which will definitely bring benefits to your upcoming stressful work. Take myself as an example. When I was in high school, at the end of every semester, we had to face a bunch of final exams. Usually, in the interval of each exam, I would choose to conduct some jogging in the evening instead of intensively prepare for it any longer just before the test to help me breathe some fresh air and grab the best state to welcome the next challenge. My great performance each time seems to prove that doing the physical exercise paid off.

Besides the relaxing effect brought by physical exercise, we can also obtain a healthier body through doing so. It is self-evident that the more physical exercise you do, the better you health condition will be. Through the exercise, we could acquire two significant things at the same time. What a wise choice, isn't it? For instance, my father used to confront so much pressure from work that every night and weekends he just sat on the sofa and read a book trying to relax. After a long period of time, some troubles started to bother him like obesity, hypertension and so forth. Then the therapist suggested him doing some physical exercise in his leisure time instead of just sitting still. He did many items like jogging, some ball games and etc afterwards, and when time goes by, some of the above symptoms gradually disappeared, meanwhile, his work efficiency seemingly improved. See, how vivid this example is, showing the magic side of doing physical exercise.

From what has been discussed above, it is reasonable to believe that choosing physical exercise to relax is a better option. From one perspective, we release our pressure through doing it. From another, we can at the same time gain a healthy body. Therefore, why not take action to do some physical exercise when you want to relax.

总体感觉是有些口语化，不过作为T作文来说应该没什么问题。具体看下面

doing some sports means sweating, which would help excrete not only sweat but also stress from your body 这句话看不太出逻辑在哪，这是个人感受不是常识，不好这么用吧

instead of intensively prepare for it  (prepare -> preparing)

more physical exercise you do, the better you health condition will be  （其实这句话有逻辑错误。。）

Through the exercise, we could acquire two significant things at the same time （哪两种好处？如果是说好心情和好身体的话，你好身体还没展开论证呢怎么就开始总结了？放在父亲例子后面多好）

items 应该是物体的意思。直接用exercises就好啦

See, how vivid this example is, showing the magic side of doing physical exercise. 这个"See"略口语化啊

From one perspective, 我个人觉得是“从一个角度看”的意思，这常常意味着另一个角度的结论不一样（重申，个人感觉哈）。我觉得用on one hand要合适一些

最后补一句，LZ记得做新人报到哈

m4reiiy 发表于 2013-8-24 23:26
总体感觉是有些口语化，不过作为T作文来说应该没什么问题。具体看下面

doing some sports means sweatin ...

谢谢版主！
口语化的问题一直困扰着。主要还是自己的积累还不够，所以现在在看背更多范文和例子。
大致照版主的意见改了一下如下。
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With the development of modern society, we are facing more and more pressure from work and life, as a result of which, relaxation becomes a necessity in our day to day life. However, when it comes to which way to be chosen to relax, people's opinion differs from person to person. Active people may choose physical exercise, while introverts prefer watching a movie or reading a book. On personal level, I'm fond of the option of doing some physical exercise for some reasons listed below.

First and foremost, some scientific research and practical experience exhibit that doing some temperate sports and excreting some perspiration can help people reduce stress. It is the general situation, after you doing some physical exercise, you would feel relaxing and comfortable. In the mean time, your brain will not be as heavy as before, which will stimulate the brain to cope with the upcoming stressful work more actively and creatively. Take myself as an example. When I was in high school, at the end of every semester, we had to face a bunch of final exams. Usually, in the interval of each exam, I would choose to conduct some jogging in the evening instead of intensively preparing for it any longer just before the test to help me breathe some fresh air and grab the best state to welcome the next challenge. My great performance each time seems to prove that doing the physical exercise paid off.

. 1point 3 acresBesides the relaxing effect brought by physical exercise, we can also obtain a healthier body through doing so. As sports and health are intrinsically connected, doing sports will greatly increase people's metabolism and strengthen our physique, which will bring a better health condition to people. For instance, my father used to confront so much pressure from work that every night and weekends he just sat on the sofa and read a book trying to relax. After a long period of time, some troubles started to bother him like obesity, hypertension and so forth. Then the therapist suggested him doing some physical exercise in his leisure time instead of just sitting still. He did many exercises like jogging, some ball games and etc afterwards, and when time goes by, some of the above symptoms gradually disappeared, meanwhile, his work efficiency somehow improved by doing it. We have to marvel, how vivid this example is, showing the magic side of doing physical exercise. Through the exercise, we could acquire two significant things, relaxation and health at the same time. What a wise choice, isn't it?

From what has been discussed above, it is reasonable to believe that choosing physical exercise to relax is a better option. On one hand, we release our pressure through doing it. One the another, we can at the same time gain a healthy body. Therefore, why not take action to do some physical exercise when you want to relax.

your brain will not be as heavy as before （可能你想说的是doing exercise relieves one from heavy mental labor? heavy head算是口语表达，而且一般是说生病的症状）

he just sat on the sofa and read a book trying to relax. （he tries to relax by sitting on the sofa and reading a book看起来语序舒服一些？）

, and when time goes by, some of the above symptoms gradually disappeared, meanwhile, his work efficiency somehow improved by doing it. （这么长的句子这么多逗号，翻译成中文给你读你累不累？suggestion: As time went by, my father gradually got rid of some of the symptoms, and even managed to improve his working efficiency somehow by doing exercises. 统一主语看着顺一点，而且能显出主动性）

One the another -> On the other --或者更好的--> Furthermore/Moreover  就看你想用并列还是递进语气了

再次提醒哈，记得做新人报道

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?

It is better to relax by watching a movieor reading a book than doing physical exercise.

With the development of modern society, weare facing more and more pressure from work and life. So, relaxation becomes anecessity in our day to day life. However, when it comes to which way to bechosen to relax, people's opinion differs from person to person. Active peoplemay choose physical exercise, while introverts prefer watching a movie orreading a book. On personal level, I'm fond of doing some physical exercise forsome reasons listed below.

First and foremost, doing some sports meanssweating, which would help excrete not only sweat(一个句子里面就重了……) improve physical condition but also stress from yourbody release mental pressure. It is the general situation, after you doing some physical exercise, youwould feel relaxing relaxed and comfortable. In the meantime meantime, your brain will not be asheavy as before (这是神马意思，脑袋增肥了???), which will definitely bring benefits to your upcomingstressful work. Take myself as an example. When I was in high school, at near theend of every semester, we had to face a bunch of final exams. Usually, in theinterval of each exam, I would choose to conduct some jogging in the eveninginstead of intensively prepare preparing for it any longer just before the test to helpme breathe some fresh air and grab the best state to welcome the nextchallenge. My great performance each time seems to prove that doing thephysical exercise paid off.

个人感觉这段的论证需要再加强些，LZ说了A很重要，而不是重点A>B???

I would choose to conduct some jogging in the evening instead of intensively preparing for it any longer

这句话的逻辑是不是有问题，应该是进行休息而不是持续地准备下一场考试吧。。。

Besides the relaxing effect brought byphysical exercise, we can also obtain a healthier body through doing so. It isself-evident that the more physical exercise you do, the better you your healthcondition will be. Through the exercise, we could acquire two significantthings at the same time. What a wise choice, isn't it? For instance, my fatherused to confront so much pressure from work that every night and weekends hejust sat on the sofa and read a book trying to relax. After a long period of time,some troubles started to bother him like obesity, hypertension and so forth.Then the therapist suggested him doing some physical exercise in his leisuretime instead of just sitting still. He did many items like jogging, some ballgames and etc. afterwards, and when as time goes by, some of the above symptomsgradually disappeared, meanwhile, his work efficiency seemingly improved. See,how vivid this example is, showing the magic side of doing physical exercise.

From what has been discussed above, it isreasonable to believe that choosing physical exercise to relax is a betteroption. From one perspective, we release our pressure through doing it. Fromanother, we can at the same time gain a healthy body. Therefore, why not takeaction to do some physical exercise when you want to relax.

hdchina2010

2013-08-25

m4reiiy 发表于 2013-8-25 13:53
your brain will not be as heavy as before （可能你想说的是doing exercise relieves one from heavy men ...

斑竹，没事能否来下G求改版，帮帮改我的G作文，马上考。谢谢啊
http://www.1point3acres.com/bbs/thread-70792-1-1.html

hdchina2010 发表于 2013-8-25 21:59
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?It is better to relax by watching a movieor rea ...

非常感谢:)

m4reiiy 发表于 2013-8-25 13:53
your brain will not be as heavy as before （可能你想说的是doing exercise relieves one from heavy men ...

谢谢版主的意见！已修改如下
PS 马上去做新人报到:)
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With the development of modern society, we are facing more and more pressure from work and life, as a result of which, relaxation becomes a necessity in our day to day life. However, when it comes to which way to be chosen to relax, people's opinion differs from person to person. Active people may choose physical exercise, while introverts prefer watching a movie or reading a book. On personal level, I'm fond of the option of doing some physical exercise for some reasons listed below.

First and foremost, some scientific research and practical experience exhibit that doing some temperate exercises and excreting some perspiration can help people reduce stress. It is the general situation, after you doing some physical exercise, you would feel relaxed and comfortable. In the mean time, doing exercise relieves one from heavy mental labor, which will stimulate the brain to cope with the upcoming stressful work more actively and creatively.Take myself as an example. When I was in high school, at the end of every semester, we had to face a bunch of final exams. Usually, in the interval of each exam, I would choose to conduct some jogging in the evening instead of intensively preparing for it any longer just before the test to help me breathe some fresh air and grab the best state to welcome the next challenge. My great performance each time seems to prove that doing the physical exercise paid off.

Besides the relaxing effect brought by physical exercise, we can also obtain a healthier body through doing so. As sports and health are intrinsically connected, doing sports will greatly increase people's metabolism and strengthen our physique, which will bring a better health condition to people. For instance, my father used to confront so much pressure from work that every night and weekends he just sat on the couch and read a book trying to relax. After a long period of time, some troubles started to bother him like obesity, hypertension and so forth. Then the therapist suggested him doing some physical exercise in his leisure time instead of just sitting still. He did many exercises like jogging, some ball games and etc afterwards, and as time went by, my father gradually got rid of some of the symptoms, and even managed to improve his working efficiency somehow by doing exercises. We have to marvel, how vivid this example is, showing the magic side of doing physical exercise. Through the exercise, we could acquire two significant things, relaxation and health at the same time. What a wise choice, isn't it?

From what has been discussed above, it is reasonable to believe that choosing physical exercise to relax is a better option. On one hand, we release our pressure through doing it. Furthermore, we can at the same time gain a healthy body. Therefore, why not take action to do some physical exercise when you want to relax.