「argument」25-25/100/102/164 jazz club [求改]

题目：
25) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.



作文：
In this argument the arguer comes to the conclusion that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise.To justify the conclusion, the author points out that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away from Monroe and jazz is extremely popular in Monroe so that establish a new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself.The author also cite the recent survey that over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer and those typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.However, close scrutiny of this argument reveals that it is unconvincing in serveral aspects.

To begin with, the author unfairly assumes that jazz is popular in local residents in Monroe due to over 100,100 people attended Monroe's annual jazz  festival last summer,but the author fails to consider other possible explanation for this phenomenon.Perhaps most of the 100,000 people is extraneous, or perhaps people attended this festival just want to see the extraneous famous jazz stars those might only come to Monroe in important days.Thus the evidence does not support the conclusion that a new jazz club is popular in Monroe and it could have enough local market.

In addition, the author claims that several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'jazz Nightly', but this fact contribute little to support that  the new jazz club will benefit a lot from this.It might be sure that the jazz musicians perfers to hold their show in other city but not in Monroe.Even if the musicians concede to perform in local jazz club,it's still need further inverstigate whether people would contribute their time to local jazz club.Perhaps they don't like the musicians live in Monroe, or perhaps they rather listen jazz radio program in home than spend time in jazz club.

Finally, even if all the foregoing assumptions are justified, the argument still suffers from claiming that the new jazz club will be profitable due to the arguer fails to provides representative evidence showing general trends in typical jazz fans willing to spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment does apply specifically to Monroe City.The author shows no information about the number of people participated in this survey.Moreover, since the survey only covers typical jazz fan,it's entirely possible that they are in fact not representative of all those people speed time and money in jazz, which renders the inference based upon it highly suspect.

In sum, the conclusion reached in the argument is invalid and misleading.To make it logically acceptable, the author should have to demonstrate that people in Monroe is really want to consume their time and money in local jazz club.Moreover, I would suspend my judgement about the credibility of this argument until the arguer can provide more information about whether the well-known jazz musicians is willing to hold their shows in local jazz club,not other jazz clubs.

In this argument the arguer comes to the conclusion that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise.To justify the conclusion, the author points out that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away from Monroe and jazz is extremely popular in Monroe so that establishing a new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all(这个有点中式英语吧） to itself.The author also cites the recent survey that over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer and those typical jazz fan spends（三单？those fan?） close(我觉得almost更好吧) to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.However, a close scrutiny of this argument reveals that it is unconvincing in serveral aspects.

To begin with, the author unfairly assumes that jazz is popular in local residents in Monroe due to over 100,100 people attended Monroe's annual jazz  festival last summer,but the author fails to consider other possible explanation for this phenomenon.Perhaps most of the 100,000 people is （are）extraneous, or perhaps people attended this festival just want to see the extraneous famous jazz stars those might only come to Monroe in important days.Thus the evidence does not support the conclusion that a new jazz club is popular in Monroe and it could have enough local market. (个人觉得你可以加一些论证，你只证明了它的论据不支持结果，而有些题目要求是你提出这个结果需要哪些extra evidence,而你没有写这一部分啊)

In addition, the author claims that several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'jazz Nightly', but this fact contribute(s) little(little这个用的有点中式吧。。) to support that  the new jazz club will benefit a lot from this.It might be sure that the jazz musicians perfers(主谓有不一致了，多加注意了，后面再有就不改了) to hold their show in other city but not in Monroe.Even if the musicians concede to perform in local jazz club,it's still need further inverstigate whether people would contribute their time to local jazz club.Perhaps they don't like the musicians live in Monroe, or perhaps they rather listen jazz radio program in home than spend time in jazz club.(还是上面的问题，你要写出这个结果需要什么extra evidence,后面两段没有什么大问题了，argument对语言要求不是很高，但是不要常犯低级错误，影响别人对你的印象，还有就是建议你添上我说的另外一部分，其他就没有什么了，加油！)

Finally, even if all the foregoing assumptions are justified, the argument still suffers from claiming that the new jazz club will be profitable due to the arguer fails to provides representative evidence showing general trends in typical jazz fans willing to spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment does apply specifically to Monroe City.The author shows no information about the number of people participated in this survey.Moreover, since the survey only covers typical jazz fan,it's entirely possible that they are in fact not representative of all those people speed time and money in jazz, which renders the inference based upon it highly suspect.

In sum, the conclusion reached in the argument is invalid and misleading.To make it logically acceptable, the author should have to demonstrate that people in Monroe is really want to consume their time and money in local jazz club.Moreover, I would suspend my judgement about the credibility of this argument until the arguer can provide more information about whether the well-known jazz musicians is willing to hold their shows in local jazz club,not other jazz clubs.

小样天黑了 发表于 2013-8-27 11:04
In this argument the arguer comes to the conclusion that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a trem ...

求帮改，我可以回批

xzb88 发表于 2013-8-29 04:17
求帮改，我可以回批

什么意思。。。

小样天黑了 发表于 2013-8-29 12:08
什么意思。。。

因为改G的少，所以希望有一起准备的，就互相批改，这个意思。

xzb88 发表于 2013-8-29 23:45
因为改G的少，所以希望有一起准备的，就互相批改，这个意思。

我已经考完一年了。。。