tpo7,综合写作求改，两次都是fair，好囧啊~~~~~

两次考试，独立写作都是good,不过综合写作都是fair，也不知道是哪里的问题，我感觉点都听到，也写了的呀。发给TPO7，求指教
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　　The lecture points out that wood companies in the United States will receive ecological standard certification, which contradicts the reading passage.
        First, customers in the United States treat advertisements differently. It is the fact that customers in the United States strongly doubt the reliability of advertisement which is produced by the company to advertise its own products. However, the customers are favorable to the certifications with highly international reliability. Therefore, customers in the United States will certainly value or pay attention to the ecocertification label.
        Second, the price is not the only motivation of customers in the United States to purchase goods. The customers will be strongly motivated by price only when the price gap between two products is actually large, if the gap is moderate, the customers will take other factors, such as the ecocertification, into consideration.
        Third, it is necessary for American companies to keep up with the developments in the rest of the world. The lecture claims that receiving ecocertification is not for customers but for competing with other companies. The domesticate companies in the United States will lose many parts of their customers if they don't receive ecocertification compared with aboard companies who receive the certification, because ecocertification will certainly attract more customers.

综合写作记不大清要求了...不过貌似是需要将阅读和听力的内容都包括进去，进行比较，说明contradictions吧。感觉这个sample里没有提到两方面的材料对比哈。

同学我直说了，如果你考场上的综写也跟这篇类似的话，也许确实是fair的样子哎~

三点你应该是都听出来了，三段式总分总的格式是正确的，语言语法也很OK，但是只需要改掉下面3点应当可以raw score拿到4.00+(折算成综写的最后成绩12+, 满分15分)：

1. 同LS，除了开头段，后面每一段没有体现出reading passage和listening material的contradiction。同学你是不是只写了听力内容没写阅读？好像第2~4段都没有提到The passage mentions that... 和According to the listening material,...之类的字眼。虽说听力内容更重要，但是阅读的内容也不能一点都不写；
. 1point 3acres
2. 没有detail. 听力部分中教授除了讲3个points以外，肯定还举了具体例子的（某个详细数据，某种考古证据，为证明该opinion做的某个实验的步骤，举反例的具体驳斥思路等等），你没有写detailed examples/experiment；

3. 文章长度不够，225词的上限只是建议值，你如果要把这种contradiction说清楚的话，很可能会上260+词的。

perlin 发表于 2013-9-7 10:44
同学我直说了，如果你考场上的综写也跟这篇类似的话，也许确实是fair的样子哎~

三点你应该是都听出来了， ...

我也感觉OG上有强调需要将听力和阅读的都很好的结合呈现出来。
但是我看OG上的官方范文，不也是只在每段最后一句，加了个this directly contradicts what the passage indicates, this was another part where experience contradicted theory.
如果这样写够不够呢？
我记得我第二次考试的时候也是这样写的，结果分数还是不行那？
而且我觉得网上的一些模板又太死板了啊，一定要写成，the lecture states that...,  which contradicts the reading passge that indicates that...这样吗？

416800328 发表于 2013-9-7 15:28
我也感觉OG上有强调需要将听力和阅读的都很好的结合呈现出来。
但是我看OG上的官方范文，不也是只在每段 ...

我的习惯是，每段开头说“According to the passage,+1句话（不超过2句）”，然后，“However/Contrarily, the lecture states/mentions/argues that...接着开始着重讲lecture里的内容”

也没有任何which contradicts the reading passage或者this was a part where experience contradicted theory之类的话。

我两次都是这样写的，都28分，你的问题主要出在第1、2点，模板选哪个不重要。别人帮你提建议改作文记得加米，不会减少你自己的米

perlin 发表于 2013-9-7 16:17
我的习惯是，每段开头说“According to the passage,+1句话（不超过2句）”，然后，“However/Contrarily ...

thx~~~~不过怎么加米不会饿。。。第一次请教作文的事

416800328 发表于 2013-9-7 16:51
thx~~~~不过怎么加米不会饿。。。第一次请教作文的事

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