11月9日鸡精作文：students will not use printed books anymore

写到第二个观点的时候发现字数已经差不多了，所以只写了两个。时间差不多一小时，又超标了……分享一下

题目：In 20 years from now on, students will not use printed books anymore

提纲：
Agree
We can read book on electronic devices such as computer, cell phone or ipad. 轻便，容量大，网络。
Production of books will consume a lot of trees, result in pollution.
学习的方式，信息的来源更多样化，不仅限于看书。

In the past decades, our society has changed a lot due to the rapid development of modern industry. Viewing these changes, some researchers predict that students will get rid of books as an important learning source and turn to other learning methods in 20 years from now on. I totally agree with this idea. As the impact of technology is everywhere, any one cannot deny the probability of big change to our reading books.

To begin with, our modern life is filled with various electronic devices such as computers and cell phones. Integrated many useful functions, their utilization as reading material is fascinated by lots of people. Especially for students, who are usually very young and willing to try new things, electronic reading devices are much more attractive. These devices are quite convenient, because of the light weight, strong storage capacity and quick access to Internet. For example, you can find millions of different books by browsing on the Internet, download them and storage them on your cell phones. Then you can read them whenever you want. But if you want to read books, you have to spend time to go to a library or a book store, and you can just pick up several books at a time. These books are so heavy that you just want to read them where there is a table, which may make you feel inconvenient. Always attracted by the useful new features of electronic reading devices, students are always ready to embrace these devices as a new way of absorbing knowledge.

Secondly, books consume lots of woods, and have put serious threats on the natural environment. Because of the increase of population and high degree of education on people in these days, the requirement of books have aggrandized immensely. More books mean more woods, and more trees to be cut down. Nowadays, deforest has caused a series of environmental problems, like less rainfall, desertification, soil erosion and rising of globe temperature. All of these are signs of danger. Therefore, to solve these problems and guarantee the sustainable development of human society, many steps should be taken, and replacement of books with other environment friendly material, like computer, is one of the most important one. As most consumption of books is concentrated in education, many researchers and environment organizations claim that an alternative of traditional education relying heavily on books is desirable. And many governments start to take the idea of getting rid of books in schools into consideration.

For these reason, I think that there will be a big change in our reading material and a reformation on education methods. Students are always willing to embrace this new coming learning style, not just for it is convenience, but also because it is good for environment.

学习的方式，信息的来源更多样化，不仅限于看书。（感觉这个跟以后用不用书貌似没什么关系。。多样的话，有的人也许就乐意看书啊。。。）

In the past decades, our society has changed a lot due to the rapid development of modern industry. （感觉这句话貌似用处不大。。是不是可以直接整合到后一句里呢。。？把these changes 替换掉。。？）Viewing these changes, some researchers predict that students will get rid of（摆脱。。？好像一般指不好的事情。。贫困啊饥饿啊啥的。。） books as an important learning source and turn to other learning methods in 20 years from now on. I totally agree with this idea. As the impact of technology is everywhere, any one cannot deny the probability of big change to our reading books.（主题很鲜明，这样很好~但是最后说“即将发生在书上的巨变”感觉有点怪怪的。。说“任何人都不能否认现在很多场合纸质书本都已经被取代。而且这样带来了很多好处：论据提纲。通过这些不难预测出20年后人们不会再用纸质书籍了”怎么样。。？）

To begin with, our modern life is filled with various electronic devices such as computers and cell phones. Integrated many useful functions, their utilization as reading material is fascinated by lots of people. （这句话貌似前后换主语了的说。。？）Especially for students, who are usually very young and willing to try new things, electronic reading devices are much more attractive. These devices are quite convenient, because of the light weight, strong storage capacity and quick access to Internet. （句首加个because。。？说“because these devices are quite convenient with light weight，strong storage capacity and quick access to Internet”。。？）For example, you can find millions of different books by browsing on the Internet, download them and storage（store） them on your cell phones. Then you can read them whenever you want (加to...?). But if you want to read （paper）books, you have to spend time to go to a library or a book store, and you can just pick up several books at a time.These books are so heavy that you just want to read them where there is a table, which may make you feel inconvenient.（感觉例子的细节很奇怪。。可以说“如果读纸质的书，要做到这样的话，你需要随时带很多很重的书在身上，而这是不可能的”）  Always attracted by the useful new features of electronic reading devices, students are always ready to embrace these devices as a new way of absorbing knowledge.（不应该说students喜欢new way才喜欢电子资源。应该是电子资源有这么多好处，而学生在学习生活中【这就还需要例子】很需要这样的好处，所以电子资源会取代纸质书本）

Secondly, books consume lots of woods, and have put serious threats on the natural environment. Because of the increase of population and high degree （有这种用法么。。？这个我不懂。。）of education on（？） people in these days, the requirement of（for） books have aggrandized immensely. More books mean more woods（wood）, and more trees to be cut down. Nowadays, deforest（deforestation ） has caused a series of environmental problems, like less rainfall, desertification, soil erosion and rising of globe temperature. All of these are signs of danger. （这句话。。貌似没什么用。。？）Therefore, to solve these problems and guarantee the sustainable development of human society, many steps should be taken, and replacement of books with other environment friendly material, like computer, is one of the most important one. （therefore怎么出来的，没看出来。。前面讲了好多，我还以为都是在说书呢。。结果最后才发现书只是一部分。。逻辑没错，但是读起来感觉好神奇。。）As most consumption of books is concentrated in（on） education, many researchers and environment organizations claim that an alternative of traditional education relying heavily on books is desirable. And many governments start to take the idea of getting rid of books in schools into consideration.（可以加点例子给education很费书）

For these reason（s）, I think that there will be a big change in our reading material and a reformation on education methods. Students are always willing to embrace this new coming learning style, not just for it is convenience, but also because it is good for environment. （后半句是讲学生主观吧。。？感觉之前没啥论证啊。。。？至少要说学生都知道这些好处也关心这些好处可以改变的东西【需要例子】，所以乐意这样做啊。。那个反复出现的new跟主题没啥关系的说啊。。）

另外，感觉整个文章中lz都没把纸质书和电子书区分开的。。都要读完句子才知道说的是哪一个。。Orz。。

个人观点的说。。lz加油(ง •̀_•́)ง

qingshan412 发表于 2013-11-28 13:39
学习的方式，信息的来源更多样化，不仅限于看书。（感觉这个跟以后用不用书貌似没什么关系。。多样的话，有 ...

太谢谢你哈~这是准备托福2战的时候写的，以为不会有人来看了，这些意见给的非常好~~
一个月之后再看自己的文章，感觉整篇文章很糟糕，一方面逻辑混乱，另一方面光顾说理，没什么例子，这样让人更读不懂这篇文章。
之前一直想着用一些高级词汇，短语，后来发现自己目前还没那个能力。
2战托福整个写作的套路打偏，所以结果很惨。怪只怪没认真看OG……
其实托福作文在语言能力没达到某个层次之前，用最简单的语言表述自己的想法就够了，而且最好用一些比较贴合实际生活的事例支持自己的观点，一方面自己好写，另一方面看的人也容易懂。惨痛的教训啊~

smellycat 发表于 2013-12-11 19:06
太谢谢你哈~这是准备托福2战的时候写的，以为不会有人来看了，这些意见给的非常好~~
一个月之后再看自己 ...

嗯嗯，这番话说得很有条理呢~感觉lz进步很大嘛~加油~！