【综合】求各路高人重拍TPO7~ecocertification

The lecturer who we hear in the listening material totally disagrees with what we have learned from the reading passage, and points out its flaws with cogent evidence.
Firstly, the passage says that the consumers won't be interested in the ecocertification lable, for there are excessive advertisement around them everyday. However, the professor points out that, those certifications issued by this company is totally different from those common advertisements. As a matter of fact, consumers have confidence in those certifications. And products that are ecocertified will surely attract people's attention.
Secondly, the professor says that the difference in cost won't drive people away at all. He says that consumers only concerned about the price when the difference of two identical products is too large. While in this case, the minor increase in cost, say about 5 percent, won't influence their choice. And the consumers will be more concerned about whether what they choose will have a negative impact on the environment.
What's more, the third claim is totally unreasonable. According to the professor, what the company should care about is not foreign consumers, but foreign competitors. If they didn't publish their own ecocertified products, when products from abroad the country flush in, they will have no market share.
To conclude, the lecturer agrees with none of the claims raised in the reading material and think the ecocertified products will be popular. In a word, what we hear totally contradicts what we read.
Words: 239
这篇是讲有家美国认证公司将推出自己的环保认证，并且指出这个在世界上已经很流行了。阅读部分说这个环保认证在美国不会吃香，因为：1、现在的人们不相信广告；2、羊毛出在羊身上，认证后的产品价格会高一些，人们会更愿意购买较为便宜的未认证产品；3、这些公司应该放更多注意力在国外的市场上。
教授不同意，理由如下：1、专业的认证和广告不同，人们还是比较信赖这种大公司的专业认证的；2、人们只有在两个产品差不多，而一个产品比另一个贵很多时才会在乎价格，这种认证后的产品贵不了多少，人们还是更看重环保；3、这些公司更应该关注的不是国外的客户，而是国外的竞争者。如果现在还不推出自己的环保认证产品，很快市场就会被国外的这类产品占据。
希望大家着重从语言上狠拍！
结构上综合写作据说是要把阅读内容带着写一下，是要在第一段简单介绍一下比较好，还是讲每一点时提一下，望大牛指点

The lecturer who we hear删 in the listening material totally disagrees with what we have learned from the reading passage, and points out its flaws with cogent evidence.这句好像是模板句吧？TOEFL和GRE作文机经里面都有的，千万不要用，自己paraphrase一下
Firstly, the passage says that the consumers won't be interested in the ecocertification lable, for there are excessive advertisement around them everyday. However, the professor points out that, those certifications issued by this company is totally different from those common advertisements. As a matter of fact, consumers have confidence in those certifications. And products that are ecocertified will surely attract people's attention.
Secondly, the professor says that the difference in cost won't drive people away at all. He says that consumers only concerned about the price when the difference of two identical products is too large. While in this case, the minor increase in cost, say about 5 percent, won't influence their choice. And And/But不可以拿来作句首的额the consumers will be more concerned about whether what they choose will have a negative impact on the environment.
What's more, the third claim is totally unreasonable. According to the professor, what the company should care about is not foreign consumers, but foreign competitors. If they didn't publish their own ecocertified products, when products from abroad the country flush in, they will have no market share.
To conclude, the lecturer agrees with none of the claims raised in the reading material and think the ecocertified products will be popular. In a word, what we hear totally contradicts what we read.
Words: 239
这篇是讲有家美国认证公司将推出自己的环保认证，并且指出这个在世界上已经很流行了。阅读部分说这个环保认证在美国不会吃香，因为：1、现在的人们不相信广告；2、羊毛出在羊身上，认证后的产品价格会高一些，人们会更愿意购买较为便宜的未认证产品；3、这些公司应该放更多注意力在国外的市场上。
教授不同意，理由如下：1、专业的认证和广告不同，人们还是比较信赖这种大公司的专业认证的；2、人们只有在两个产品差不多，而一个产品比另一个贵很多时才会在乎价格，这种认证后的产品贵不了多少，人们还是更看重环保；3、这些公司更应该关注的不是国外的客户，而是国外的竞争者。如果现在还不推出自己的环保认证产品，很快市场就会被国外的这类产品占据。
希望大家着重从语言上狠拍！
结构上综合写作据说是要把阅读内容带着写一下，是要在第一段简单介绍一下比较好，还是讲每一点时提一下，望大牛指点
阅读内容应该是讲每一点时在段首或者段末提一下。
文章基本没有问题，不知道是不是TPO 7的综合写作比较简单的缘故，考试时的listening material信息量好像比你写的要大一点，每一段都举了详细的例子，说出三个针锋相对的大论点+复述出听力材料里面的所有三个具体例子，才能拿满分

perlin 发表于 2013-11-16 09:48
The lecturer who we hear删 in the listening material totally disagrees with what we have learned fro ...

受教！
综合作文的用语一直在努力学习各种范文，才知道不能落入模板，好险
可能这一篇我听力没有听的很好吧
对于文章结构又学到了重要的一点！
多谢版主！！

巴斯光年2013 发表于 2013-11-16 11:31
受教！
综合作文的用语一直在努力学习各种范文，才知道不能落入模板，好险
可能这一篇我听力没有听的很 ...

客气         

perlin 发表于 2013-11-16 09:48
The lecturer who we hear删 in the listening material totally disagrees with what we have learned fro ...

连词这方面我一直也是有些问题，不知道什么时候该用什么时候不该用，以及用什么。像版主指出的那里（不过这里是一个错误的用法就另谈了），我感觉可以进入下一点了，不用连词的话又怕衔接的不好，用的话又不知道用什么

巴斯光年2013 发表于 2013-11-16 11:36
连词这方面我一直也是有些问题，不知道什么时候该用什么时候不该用，以及用什么。像版主指出的那里（不过 ...

表递进或者的连词有很多啊，百度上应该能搜到有人总结的