独立写作求修改

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to relax by reading a book or watching a movie than by doing physical exercises?

  Have you ever played a basketball game with your friends after studying for a whole day? Have you ever ride a bicycle with your classmates along the Yangtze River in holiday? Have you ever jogged around the East Lake under the setting sun?
  If you have never had such experience, you would never know how relaxing doing physical exercises are.
  Doing exercises can offer a lot of benefits to one’s physiological process. First, doing physical exercises can consume much energy, which is very helpful to keep people from being fat. Everyone knows that obesity is the source of many illnesses, such as diabetes, high blood pressure and etc. So doing physical exercises is a good way to keep in health. Besides, doing physical exercises can make people become stronger and stay in shape. A good body shape always make people happy.
  Moreover, exercises encourage socialization and team building, which is much greater way to relax than being alone. For example, when people are playing basketball joining a team riding with others, they make friends and share their happiness and excitement with each other. As a result, they all get much higher levels of enjoyment and satisfaction. By contrast, reading a book or watching a movie is often solitary experience, which is a little boring.
  Of course, some people think that reading a book or watching a movie is a better way to relax. By reading a book, they can know more about the world, get more knowledge and then enjoy more spirit happiness. But, sometimes there are lots of bad information in a book or a movie, some people may develop bad habits because of the effect of reading books or watching movies.
  With all aspects carefully considered, for my honesty, doing exercises is a better way to relax than reading a book or watching a movie. And our bodies need more regular exercises to keep us healthy and active.

看了第一段，吓着了。这是托福作文？你怎么用“you”啊？跟阅卷人对话？他们的任务就是给分，没什么想真诚听你讲话的欲望的。
physiological 跟 physical 有没有区别？为什么你混着用？
检查下主谓一致。
这个长度多少字啊？感觉好短啊。

byt2015 发表于 2015-10-31 11:46
看了第一段，吓着了。这是托福作文？你怎么用“you”啊？跟阅卷人对话？他们的任务就是给分，没什么想真诚 ...

第一段那个，我是尝试着用排比反问句式开头的，参考张红岩那本《十天搞定托福作文》写的，phisical exercises是身体锻炼，physiological process是生理过程，个人感觉应该不矛盾吧，字数确实很少，只有320字。