独立作文求改

do you agree or disagree ......
for success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.
大家帮忙看看，TPO 21的独立作文

Many have yearning for success in their future occupation. Often, interpersonal skills is really important to your career prospects as well as job satisfaction. Admittedly, one who is adept in tackling with interpersonal issue, is more competitive in their career path. However, Laying a solid foundation in academic technique, in all likelihood, is the cornerstone of one’s future success in their career.
It is not uncommon in modern society that jobs are clearly classified into a wide array of categories, some of which requires employees to deal with interpersonal relations, such as advisors, while others never. University professors, or more specifically, are supposed to be bent upon academic research and sharpening their intellect, while relating well with patron is an essential ingredient of success in business for any businessman. Therefore, it is too simplistic to say that the ability to relate well with people is more important. Even though job seekers are sophisticated in dealing well with their customers, Lots of companies are reluctant to recruit those who have poor performance in their school.
Studying assiduously makes students well-rounded. In other word, tenacity, patience, team spirit and persistence brought about by it are all indispensable for one’s success. Students are always exposed to some daunting tasks which often asks them to collaborate with classmates. Being Poor informed, uninformed and even misinformed of teammates’ thoughts is likely to cause grave consequence. Numerous students, more or less, learn how to convey their idea clearly, cooperate with their teammates and avoid conflict, cultivate their team spirits in this process.
On the other hand, not only can studying hard afford team spirit, but of importance is that students persist in overcoming hinderance as they combat with formidable issue.        
Today, potential pressure from cultivating children, making ends meeting prompts us to study harder. Studying hard significantly gives students the competitive edge on the way to success. Incisive analysis and mastery to your own area are all based on a solid foundation laid in the school. I recall , when I looked for job several months ago, a majority of requirements of high-paying job set a bottom line for applicant whose GPA must be over 3.0. one, believe it or not, has hard time earning as high as 3.0 without spending sufficient time on their studying.
Consequently, there is no exaggeration to say that studying hard is a gateway to future success.

写的挺好的，用词很丰富，不过语法上单复数有一点小问题。