小站论坛上改了一次，想问下大家意见

改回来的作文只有21分，改回来的都是英文的，我怀疑是不是外教改的，总之评论里给了一些建议，但是我不是很认同，问问大家怎么感觉
Do you agree or disagree: it is better to use your own knowledge and experience to solve problems than to ask other people for advice.


[INSERT GENERAL STATEMENT] As for the importance of asking for others’ suggestions when facing difficulties and obstacles, some people claim that it is unnecessary and indispensable because people [themselves] have the ability to deal with the problems rest on their experience. However, for the majority of people with limited knowledge, it is more sensible to ask for others’ advice[,] which is [a] conducive [way] to handle problems more efficiently and, in the long run, broaden their views and enhance their capability.

First [For one thing], there are many benefits of asking others for advice, and [the] chief [one] among them is it is of great help for people to enhance their academic skills and boost [their] efficiency. In [the] current fast-developing society where novel ideas and technological innovations are emerging everyday [every day] in various fields, scholars who prefer to draw others’ experience will be [are] [considered as] the biggest beneficiaries. With limited experience, it is easy for people to feel confused when dealing with problems of new[insert space]branches of science. In this case, pioneers’ advice will be [are] precious and help [helpful] [for] people [in order to] avoid making [committing] the same mistakes and thus boost their efficiency.[insert space]Further, communicating with others and listening to their suggestions are helpful even for [those] people who already have some knowledge and experience. For instance, for students with low grades, asking for classmates’ and teachers’ favors can help them find out their weaknesses more quickly[;] and, hence, they are able to improve their skills and enhance their grades more quickily [expeditiously]. However, if these students stick 1tousing 1[better use the variant spelling tousling] their old methodology to study based on their own experience, there are [will be] much probability/likelihood for them to fail in the coming exams[,] which may frustrate them[insert space]and even sap their enthusiasm for study [learning]. [INSERT CLINCHING SENTENCE]

Also [For another thing],[insert space]the process of asking for other’s advice enable [enables] people to give [upgrade] their interpersonal skills an upgrade. That teacher [Mainstream] in the school [teachers’] encourages [encouragement] [to their] students to study in groups is testimony to its importance. In a study group, students have a chance to communicate with others if [whenever] they meet troubles, during which they are able to learn how to collaborate with others to tackle with [their] problems more efficiently [dexterously]. It is still meaningful for people after their graduation when they are working in the company. 2Research shows that people who like to connect with others and ask for others’ help are more welcome in a particular group. 2[Citation needed] In contrast, people who always like to handle problems on their own might be considered solitary and inhospitable. In the long run, these people might be isolated fromother [from the other] members of the group. Thus, people are able to enhance social skills and are more likely to earn others’ friendship [back] during the process of asking for others’ advice.

[INTRODUCE THE OPPOSING ARGUMENT] Admittedly, it is reasonable that others’ knowledge and experience may not be suitable to people’s own situation. However, this problem can be handled by consulting more people who will [can] offer different considerations from their own aspects. Thus, it will be more sensible to figure out the most constructive advice from these suggestions compared with merely listening to a particular person’s advice. Taking [An example is] my own experience for example. When I participated in the GRE test for the first time, I did not exert myself to prepare for it because I heard from one of my friends that GRE is [was] easy. However, it turned out that I was totally at loss facing those intricate questions in the text. Hence, after the exam, I chose to listen to more friends’ advice and drew on their experience. 3Finally, I improved my grades largely. 3{The experience you shared was very helpful to support the refutation.} This experience helps me to realise that [it is better] [to accept] the more suggestions you get, the better.

In conclusion, instead of using [one’s] own experience and knowledge, asking other people for help is beneficial to boost both academic skills and interpersonal skills[,] which have great positive influence on people’s daily life [lives] and for their development in the future. [INSERT SUPPORTING PREMISE] [INSERT GENERAL PREMISE]

RATER’S COMMENTS:

TASK RESPONSE [4]
1st Body Paragraph- You provided relevant and ample major and minor details.
2nd Body Paragraph- You provided relevant and ample major and minor details. However, you could have mentioned the source to make the example more convincing.
3rd Body Paragraph [Refutation Paragraph]- You provided sufficient supporting details to acknowledge the parts of the opposition that were valid.

ORGANIZATION AND DEVELOPMENT: [2.75]
Introductory Paragraph- You provided a supporting statement and a thesis statement; however there was no general statement.
1st Body Paragraph- You provided a topic sentence, but there was no clinching sentence.
2nd Body Paragraph- You provided a topic sentence and a clinching sentence.
3rd Body Paragraph [Refutation Paragraph]- You were able to acknowledge the parts of the opposition that were valid, to counter the argument, and to introduce the conclusion. However, you did not introduce the opposing argument.
Concluding Paragraph- You provided the reiteration of the main premise, but you did not provide a general premise and a supporting premise.
NOTE: The introductory paragraph has a general statement, a supporting statement, and a thesis statement. 
DEFINITION: The general statement is a broad introduction to the paper's topic. 

COHESION, COHERENCE, AND UNITY: [3.50]
The essay displayed unity, progression, and coherence, though it might contain some occasional digression.
TIP: Use for one thing and for another thing in providing two supporting details.

LANGUAGE USE [2.25]
SENTENCE STRUCTURE AND GRAMMAR- You were able to construct a variety of sentence structures; however, there were some noticeable grammar lapses.
RULE 1: Use articles/determiners before particular nouns in specifying them.
EXAMPLE: In [the] current fast-developing society where novel ideas and technological innovations are emerging everyday [every day] in various fields, scholars who prefer to draw others’ experience will be [are] [considered as] the biggest beneficiaries.
RATIONALE: The article the was used to modify or limit the phrase current fast-developing society.
RULE 2: Every day is an adverb. Everyday is an adjective.
EXAMPLE: [Consider the previous example.]
RATIONALE: The adverb every day was used to modify the verb phrase are merging.
VOCABULARY AND SPELLING- You used an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. However, some words were repetitiously used.
TIP: Use synonyms to avoid repetitious terms.
EXAMPLE: In a study group, students have a chance to communicate with others if [whenever] they meet troubles, during which they are able to learn how to collaborate with others to tackle with [their] problems more efficiently [dexterously].
*Dexterously means in a skillful or dexterous manner.
PUNCTUATION, CAPITALIZATION, AND SPACING- You generally used correct mechanics; however, there were still some lapses.
RULE: There should be a comma to set-off a non-restrictive clause.
EXAMPLE: However, for the majority of people with limited knowledge, it is more sensible to ask for others’ advice[,] which is [a] conducive [way] to handle problems more efficiently and, in the long run, broaden their views and enhance their capability.

OVERALL COMMENTS:
SCALE-SCORE: 3.25 [21/30]
Brainstorming is really important in most cases. Overall, your essay addressed the topic and task using developed explanations; however, some grammar lapses were noticeable. I am looking forward to reading more of your essays.