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[申请文书] 20FALL EE转CS PS/SOP求批 有加米~~

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根据papersogay的编辑建议改的第一版PS/SOP,是以申请UT Austin ECE-SE为模板的,其他学校估计只会调整最后一段。因为只改了一次,估计还有很多不足之处,个人感觉最后讲未来的打算和学校的还是有些乱,但又不知道该怎么调整。。另外有学长说最好多谈谈研究相关的,但是我以后目标就是进公司做码农,申请的也都是就业导向的项目,自己也没有研究经历,感觉在文书里讲想做什么研究会比较奇怪。。
希望大家能够给些建议!认真回复的都加米!谢谢~

My passion for computers dates back to when I was twelve years old. At the time, I independently assembled my first computer. Through the process of selecting hardware, I accumulated significant knowledge about what a computer consisted of and how the different components cooperated collaboratively — I was fascinated by this process. Throughout the summer holidays after high school, I took a trip to the California and visited Intel. The human intelligence demonstrated through the transition from a pile of sand to a sophisticated CPU left a deep impression on me. It was that experience that inspired me to focus my undergraduate major in electrical and computer engineering and to pursue a career in computer science.

The first specific field I came into contact with was web development. With approximately three months of hard work, my first personal blog website was completed. I encountered several barriers throughout the development process. One challenge I faced were how to manage the relationship between comments and sub-comments and it puzzled me for a long time. To solve this problem, I turned to my database textbook for assistance and reviewed important theories regarding the different mapping relationships between tables. What’s more, the requirement of improving concurrent processing capabilities compelled me to study operating systems and the Java virtual machine. This experience greatly enhanced my understanding of what I had learned in courses. Additionally, it also equipped me with the most up-to-date programming concepts, such as aspect-oriented-programming and the MVC structure. The sense of achievement I felt through such accomplishments further cultivated my determination to devote myself to computer science in the future. Notably however, frequently getting into trouble made me recognize my lack of knowledge, and that it is necessary for me to expand my knowledge on computer science.

This summer holiday, I was fortunate enough to be admitted by Microsoft as a software engineer intern, where I worked with the MMX team on the development of Microsoft Edge for Android. The first assignment I was tasked with was fixing a bug that caused the most visited websites not to update automatically. Debugging it was a great challenge for me not only because I had no prior experience dealing with such a big project but also because that several design patterns were frequently applied — something I was unaware of. During that period, I dedicated immense time to studying debugging skills and design patterns on a daily basis and I was finally able to work it out. The following task for my internship was to develop performance tests for the browser with Telemetry, an auto perf test framework. As I was new software testing, I spent two weeks reading its source code written in Python and JavaScript to figure out how this framework worked and how I could design my own tests. Finally, the auto perf tests I developed replaced the previous manual testing methods, and thus improved efficiency and accuracy. The experience of composing perf tests made me realize the importance of testing and the vital role it plays in software development. In the last month of internship, I utilized the singleton and observer design pattern to add the feature of selecting download directory to the browser, which would become available on the Microsoft Edge for Android in the near future. The three months that I spent working in Microsoft equipped me with invaluable development and testing skills as well as the necessary knowledge necessary for collaborating in a team. This new experience was the first step for me on the path of becoming a real software engineer.

In the future, I hope to acquire a software engineer position in big companies like Google or Microsoft, focusing on backend service and systems, developing impactful software for people worldwide and devoting the rest of my life to computer science. However, the more I have learned from projects and work, the more I have become aware of the immense knowledge I have yet to acquire along the path of pursuing my dream. This is one of the core reasons why I am determined to further my study at The University of Texas at Austin. I still remember the summer in 2018, when the professor in the department of ECE at UT Austin, Yale Patt, came to Shanghai Jiao Tong University and offered the course, Introduction to Computing Systems. He clearly demonstrated the overall working process of computers with interesting examples and metaphors, and since then, UT Austin has become my dream school. Considering my major, ECE, and my experience as a software developer, I am confident that the MSE in ECE with a concentration in Software Engineering is the most suitable program for me. I am especially interested in the EE382V Systems Programming course in that this course would assist me in gaining a better understanding of computer and software architecture, thus developing software with better performance. It is my heartfelt desire that I may continue my study in this program and become an outstanding software engineer after graduation.. Waral dи,

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adorn18 2019-9-22 15:54:48 | 只看该作者
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第三段最后
necessary knowledge necessary for collaborating in a team
连着两个重复的词有点怪,可以考虑换一个类似essential啥的synonym吧

plus, 想问一下有啥好的文书机构推荐吗~
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污与伦比 2019-10-21 11:06:06 | 只看该作者
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我觉得楼主的两段经历写的挺清楚的~虽然有些看不懂但是能看出是按照负责什么-遇到哪些问题-如何解决的思路写的。担心项目经历写的台太详细AO没耐心看+1
P.S. 楼主可以留个联系方式互改一下SoP嘛
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cyclexuxu 2019-9-18 01:30:05 | 只看该作者
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整体结构挺好的,我就说说自己读下来的几个细节感受:
. Χ
1、第三段讲了 debugging skills and design patterns,但没讲过程。我认为你在写学习的时候讲过程和收获写出来会比较有说服力。 ..
2、第四段的前半部分感觉有点乱,或者说三四段过渡不是特别自然。很明白你想表达的意思,但个人认为pursue graduate education的理由没必要这么细节地写出来,可以考虑在第三段最后一笔感悟带过。然后第四段直接进入career goal 和 why school。
3、关于why school, 我觉得如果是就业导向的项目,文书中不写科研问题不大。但是切入的时候,可以从学校怎么support 你的career aspiration 的角度(如课程、老师、实习政策等)角度挖掘一下,可能会比dream school的点要更具象一些(之前看过一个学校的文书指导材料提到dream school 这一点在招聘委员会看得太多了,会有免疫)。
4、可以考虑用一些从句之类的,让文章读起来更紧凑更流畅。内容改好了最好还是能够找native speaker 读一下吧,有些选词啥的,他们更有说服力。

希望能帮助一点点吧。

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参与人数 1大米 +1 收起 理由
chelly_EGOIST + 1 很有用的信息!

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 楼主| chelly_EGOIST 2019-9-17 21:41:15 | 只看该作者
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爱新觉罗.翠花 发表于 2019-9-17 17:14
芝士圈有外籍native speaker的免费试改,你可以去试试看,不过每天只有三个名额比较难抢,https://www.zhis ...

好的,我关注一下,谢谢~
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 楼主| chelly_EGOIST 2019-9-18 12:39:56 | 只看该作者
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cyclexuxu 发表于 2019-9-18 01:30
整体结构挺好的,我就说说自己读下来的几个细节感受:
..
1、第三段讲了 debugging skills and design patte ...

非常感谢!都是很有帮助的建议。我再去修改一下!. .и

补充内容 (2019-9-18 13:42):
PS:关于第一点有一些疑问。。我之前papersogay的编辑对我初版PS的评价是技术细节太多,过于detailed,而您的建议是写出学习的过程,感觉一旦写不好又要变成detail了,这个度应该怎么把握比较好呀
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 楼主| chelly_EGOIST 2019-10-10 09:33:46 | 只看该作者
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adorn18 发表于 2019-9-22 15:54
第三段最后. 1point 3 acres
necessary knowledge necessary for collaborating in a team
连着两个重复的词有点怪,可以 ...
.1point3acres
啊 不知道为啥你的回复没有推送给我 刚刚看到不好意思~
文书机构我到现在只用过一次papersogay,没有从结构上做大的修改,主要改了一些语言上的表达方式,关键是便宜哈哈哈哈,其他的我也不太了解_(:з)∠)_
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seventailcat 2019-10-10 19:46:52 | 只看该作者
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爱新觉罗.翠花 发表于 2019-9-17 17:14
芝士圈有外籍native speaker的免费试改,你可以去试试看,不过每天只有三个名额比较难抢,https://www.zhis ...

您好,我没有找到免费试改。请问是在主页面上面吗?
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seventailcat 2019-10-11 10:37:43 | 只看该作者
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爱新觉罗.翠花 发表于 2019-10-11 10:26. .и
不是,在研究生文书页面,下面的角落里。。。。火眼金睛

谢谢!我找到了!今天的已经结束了。我看看明天吧~
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