EE SoP只求看两段话很短的！求建议 回复都加米！

大家好！！diy选手 申请2020fall ee

背景：sop基本定稿了，核心部分已有一段详细的研究经历（遇到了什么问题，用什么方法解决，收获是什么 这种具体的有内容的经历）
问题：现在问题是另一段 在犹豫：
                写法A. 泛泛而谈把两段实习拼在一起，加一点感受  
                写法B. 也用上面括号里那种详细的写法
写了两个版本 希望大家帮我二选一：

A. 看起来比较全面，就有点像CV扩充
A qualified engineer must walk into the real world instead of settling with sitting in the classroom, so I sought every opportunity to join research projects and internships. In junior year, I was admitted to XXX公司 as an intern, where I got the opportunity to be involved in the process of designing a DSP chip based on PAM-4 signal. One of my jobs was to design the circuit and layout of a 2-stage operational amplifier using Cadence Virtuoso. During this process, I realized that a good analog circuit design requires a combination of theoretical knowledge and practical experience. In another internship at the XXX研究院 later, I was responsible for collecting and analyzing data about the AI Robot & E-Learning, and writing Literature Review to prepare the R&D Team for future progress. These served as valuable and influential experiences that lit up my passion for circuit design and drove me to pursue graduate studies.

B. 更具体一些，但就是感觉写的技术太low了还不如泛泛而谈.............希望EE的同学看一看是不是太low... TAT
A qualified engineer must walk into the real world instead of settling with sitting in the classroom. In college, I sought every opportunity to join research projects and internships. In my junior year, I was admitted to the Guangdong Provincial Institute of Semiconductor Industrial Technology as an intern. In one of the projects, I was responsible for the circuit and layout design of a 2-stage operational amplifier. When adjusting the parameters of MOSFETs, I found it difficult to meet all the requirements at the same time. The desired bandwidth and phase margin could not be achieved when AV reached 50dB. To solve this problem, I applied equivalent substitution to determine which MOSFET parameters had the biggest impact on the performance. With patience and persistence, and after hundreds of attempts, I eventually figured out a group of satisfactory width-length ratios of the MOSFETs. During this process, I realized that a good analog circuit design requires a combination of theoretical knowledge and practical experience. As an engineer, it is important to apply theory to practice. This was one of the most influential experiences that drives me to pursue graduate studies.

感觉都是写的做了什么，想要再学什么，不知道sop里面需要添加一点激情表决心的东西吗

我觉得你可以大致说说做了什么 (what you have done)，带了什么影响 (your impact)， 然后更多 focus 在这个项目中学到了什么，what you have learned during the experience (not the specific knowledge) and what it means for you, 如果是 PhD 的项目，再加上 how does it relate to your interest and future researches

1a1a11a2 发表于 2019-11-20 11:14
我觉得你可以大致说说做了什么 (what you have done)，带了什么影响 (your impact)， 然后更多 focus 在这 ...

明白你的意思！感觉讲的更像写法B ？

感觉第二段写得比较充实。本人不是EE专业，所以谈不上具体意见。如果能够简单叙述今后的方向，和导师的研究Match，是否会更好些？

janejanejane 发表于 2019/11/20 12:16:12
感觉都是写的做了什么，想要再学什么，不知道sop里面需要添加一点激情表决心的东西吗

审题 只是其中一段，其他段写这些了而且已定稿

wyang9311 发表于 2019/11/20 12:08:56
感觉第二段写得比较充实。本人不是EE专业，所以谈不上具体意见。如果能够简单叙述今后的方向，和导师的研究Match，是否会...

感谢建议!

"got the opportunity to be involved in the process of designing .. " 会不会太passive voice了。 尽量用主动的动词 比如"participated in designing" 感觉会好一些。

感觉第二段很详实，读起来很通畅，但是逻辑感好像不强，比如为什么做，做了什么，做后的结果好像划分得不明显。

传说中的N 发表于 2019/11/24 11:31:25
感觉第二段很详实，读起来很通畅，但是逻辑感好像不强，比如为什么做，做了什么，做后的结果好像划分得不明显。

好的！谢谢