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[托福] 8.25鸡精第二篇独立写作——你的工作相对于社交生活对你的幸福影响更大?

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本帖最后由 q198800287 于 2013-8-25 00:07 编辑

张红岩十天搞定托福作(笔记).zip (230.92 KB, 下载次数: 0) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.
你的工作相对于社交生活对你的幸福影响更大?-baidu 1point3acres
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In my mind, there always exists a sentence which one of my college philosophy teacher told me in one class, “People live for happiness, and happiness comes from two aspects. One is that people will grow continually, and the other one is that people can bring happiness to other people.” I totally agree with what my philosophy professor had said. In addition, the mean by which a person can achieve these is to own his enterprise which can make him become stronger, have ability to assist others and then get happiness. Therefore, in my point of view, job has much more effect on happiness than social life does.

. From 1point 3acres bbsFirst of all, job can make a person grow again and again, which is difficult for social life. When you are at work, you must learn major knowledge and technology, try to adjust yourself to group work with your colleagues, improve your ability of getting along with your boss and know how to deal with different kinds of difficulties. On the other side, the main purpose of social life is for fun, so it’s not so valuable for a person to grow constantly.  In most people’s mind, a person who does excellent job but has bad social life is often happier than the person who gets everything wrong but has an exciting social life. Take Kobe Brant (one of the most famous NBA stars) for example, as we know, he is outstanding for his hard working which seems so mad to some people. He often gets up very early in the morning, such as 4 o’clock, and keeps exercising all the day. On the other side, his hard working also make him have few friends. But could you say that he is not happy at all? The guy who have got 5 championships?

Job also offer you power by which you can help others and bring happiness to them. Helen Keller once said, “I find life an exciting business and most exciting when it is lived for others.” When you own a good job which provide you money and make you are able to buy new comfortable house for your parents, wouldn’t you feel happy? When you have the chance to go to the poor religion in your country and finance the dropout children to go back to school again, wouldn’t you feel happy? When you get advance in your work and have the ability to help your colleagues solve problems, wouldn’t you feel happy? The answers to these question are absolutely yes. You will be happy when you spread happiness to others.

However, it doesn’t mean social life is not vital at all. We couldn’t live without social life. We need social life to relax ourselves; we need spare time to meet with our friends and family members and have fun together; we need opportunities to make new friends. But compare with our jobs, social life’s influence on happiness is much smaller. Usually a person has to work for five days a week and eight hours every day. So you can see that job occupy most of a person’s life, and even person who has abundant social life has to work a long time to support himself.

In conclusion, job and social life both influence our happiness. But in my opinion, job has more effect on our happiness. It is not only because that people could get growth form their job, but also because that job provide the ability of spreading happiness to them. Moreover, considering that job takes over most time of our life, I think job has more effect on our happiness.
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观点:工作影响大
理由:(1)工作能让一个人更好地成长,这是社交很难做到的。工作中你要学习专业知识和技能,要学习和同事一起团队合作的能力,学习如何和上司打交道,学习抗挫折的能力,这些都能让你在工作中迅速成长;而社交生活虽然能培养你与人打交道的能力,但是社交更多是为了休闲和娱乐,是在一种轻松的氛围下进行的,远不如工作这种有压力的环境锻炼价值大。一个工作出色但是社交差的人常常比一个工作糟糕社交活跃的人更容易取得成功获得幸福,科比就是一个典型的例子,他工作勤奋,经常给自己加练不断磨练自己的球技,但是他的交际圈很小朋友少甚至还有不少讨厌他的人,可是他却取得巨大的成功——为湖人赢得5枚总冠军戒指,难道你能说他不幸福?正如格雷森曾经说过,辛勤工作的人几乎总是幸福的。
    (2)工作能让一个人有能力帮助他人,给别人带来幸福。海伦凯勒曾经说过,我发现生活是件令人激动的事情,尤其是为了别人而活着时。(排比)当你工作以后有能力挣钱了,可以让你的父母住进更舒服的大房子时,你会感到幸福吗?当你有机会走到贫穷的地方,如你们国家的山区或者非洲的贫穷家庭,你有能力资助他们辍学在家的小孩上学,你会感到幸福吗?当你在工作上越来越熟练,可以主动帮助新来的同事解决工作上的难题时,你会感到幸福吗?答案毫无疑问是yes。工作让你有了物质基础,专业技能去帮助别人,让你感觉自己是被需要有价值的,这确实是一件幸福的事情。
    (3)第三,然而并不是说社交生活对幸福不重要。它很重要,它是我们工作之余娱乐生活的主要部分,让我们在工作之余放松玩耍;它让我们有机会和亲朋好友相聚,不至于让亲情和友情变得疏远;它也让我们有机会认识新的朋友,开拓自己的朋友圈。然而,就对幸福感的影响程度而言,社交生活远远比不上工作,人一周得工作五天,一天8小时,可以说大部分的时间都是在工作 ,所以工作时心情的好坏,工作量的多少,工作场所的舒适程度,办公室氛围的融洽程度,这些都很大程度地影响着一个人幸福感。比较起来,即使是交际达人,用在社交生活的时间也比工作少得多,因为要养活自己首先他得每天工作吧。. From 1point 3acres bbs
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------. Χ
总结:
1.一共603字,是在没计时的情况下写出来的,考场上肯定是写不了这么多字的;.--
2.明天第3篇鸡精准备计时;
3.明天同时开始练习综合写作(求宝贵意见);
4.感觉自己的作文单词略简单,句型略简单;
5.做得比较好的地方有:学会了用反问排比,引用名人名言;
6.还需要搜集名人例子来充实文章。
7.最后传一个别人的独立写作经验,感觉对我影响较大,没几页,一会儿就看完了。

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xzb88 2013-8-22 01:32:35 | 只看该作者
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本帖最后由 xzb88 于 2013-8-22 01:40 编辑

In my mind, there always exists a sentence which is told by one of my college philosophy teacher in one class, “People live for happiness, andhappiness comes from two aspects. One is that people will grow continually, andthe other one is that people can bring happiness to other people.” I totallyagree with what my philosophy professor had said. In addition, the mean bywhich a person can achieve these is to own his enterprise which can make him become stronger and more competent to assist others, and eventually gives him happiness. Therefore, in my point of view, job has muchmore effect on happiness than social life does.

个人认为引用名言意味着展开论证了,开头引用不如开门见山指出观点来的好。名言放到下面再用。

First of all, job can make a person grow gradually, which is difficult for social life(这里会让人以为job can make这个动作是difficult的,有歧义). When you are at work, you must learn major knowledge and technology, try to adjust yourself to group work with your colleagues, improveyour ability of getting along with your boss and know how to deal withdifferent kinds of difficulties. On the other side, the main purpose of sociallife is for fun, so it’s not so valuable for a person to growconstantly.  In most people’s mind, a person who does excellent jobbut has bad social life is often happier than the person who performs badly in jobs but has an exciting social life. Take KobeBrant (one of the most famous NBA stars) for example, as we know, he isoutstanding for his hard working which seems so mad to some people. He oftengets up very early in the morning, such as 4 o’clock, and keeps exercising allthe day. On the other side, his hard working also make him have few friends.But could you say that he is not happy at all? The guy who have got 5championships?(设问完最好给出回答)

Job also offer you power by which you can help others and bring happiness to them. Helen Keller once said, “I find life anexciting business and most exciting when it is lived for others.” When you owna good job which offers you money and make you able to buy new comfortable house for your parents, wouldn’t youfeel happy? When you have the chance to go to the poor religion in your countryand finance the dropout children to go back to school again, wouldn’t you feelhappy? When you get advance in your work and have the ability to help yourcolleagues solve problems, wouldn’t you feel happy? The answers to thesequestion are absolutely yes. You will be happy when you spread happiness toothers.

However, it doesn’t mean social life is notvital at all. We could not live without social life. We need social lifeto relax ourselves; we need spare time to meet with our friends and family members and have fun together; we need opportunities to make new friends. But compared with our jobs, social life’s influence on happiness is much smaller. Usually a person has to work for five days a weekand eight hours every day. So you can see that job occupy most of a person’slife, and even person who has abundant social life has to work a long time tosupport himself.
. check 1point3acres for more.
这段可以只讲social life好处,后半段关于social life less influence的理由不够充分。
. ----
In conclusion, job and social life both influence our happiness. But in my opinion, job has more effect on our happiness. It is not only because that people could get growth form their job,but also because that job provide the ability of spreading happiness to them.Moreover, considering that job takes over most time of our life, I think jobhas more effect on our happiness.
.google  и
make太多,简单句较多,在能写完的基础上最好能美化下语句,多些复合句。后面改得较少,楼主自行斟酌。。

. From 1point 3acres bbs

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参与人数 1大米 +40 收起 理由
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 楼主| yughjbn007 2013-8-22 11:04:33 | 只看该作者
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xzb88 发表于 2013-8-22 01:32 . check 1point3acres for more.
In my mind, there always exists a sentence which is told by one of my college philosophy teacher in  ...

写完没改就传上来,问题确实很多,谢谢你的建议~我会继续努力的
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ilovemango 2013-9-1 21:08:54 | 只看该作者
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600多字,OMG,太能写了
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