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[托福] 鸡精作文求改环境问题可不可以被一个人解决~~~~~~~

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The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual.
. .и
With the increasing deterioration of environment, people's concerns about the environmental issue are more than have ever been before. People, especially the environmental scientists, are having strong desire to solve this issue. Some individuals even claim that they are able to solve the problem alone. From my perspective, however, given the varieties of environmental issues and the limitation of individual ability I can hardly agree that a person can handle such a complex issue without any help of others.

Admittedly, some environmental scientists have made tremendous contribution to the protection of environment, curbing the environmental degradation to some extent. To solve the resource shortage, scientists begun to search for new energy resource; to solve the water pollution, scientists invented devices for cleaning up waste water; to solve the acid rain, scientists found chemicals to absorb sulfuret. Nevertheless, all these discoveries and methods are not figured out by a single person but, at least, a team or an organization. -baidu 1point3acres

One major reason of complexity of environment is that the environmental problems are too much to be fixed by a single person. Nowadays, we human beings are faced with hundreds of problems related to environment, such as water pollution, acid rain, sand storm, global warming, desertization, resource shortage, the list will go on and on. Even though thousands of scientists are making joint effort to prevent the environmental degradation, the outcome turns out to be disappointment, let alone a single person. A good case in point is that almost all of countries are pulling together to work out a solution of global warming, but the fact is that global warming has not been stopped or even slowed down. Therefore, the answer to whether can the individual handle the environmental issue is obviously “no”.
. 1point 3 acres
Furthermore, the protection environment takes a great amount of knowledge as prerequisite and foundation. A sole environmental issue may involve with various subjects, including mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology, geology and so on. Since the time and energy of a person is limited, it is almost an impossible mission for one to learn all those subjects in his or her lifetime. Some may argue that it is not a difficult task to master general knowledge of these subjects, but solving the environmental issue requires people to be experts in all those fields, which usually require more than just one person. It can be seen from the fact that even a professor, who is highly established, has to recruit several PhD students to aid his or her research. Thus the limitation of ones’ ability makes it impossible for one to take care of the environmental issue.

Even though I wish there is a hero who could take care of all those environmental issues so that we can live on the earth happily, it is unrealistic because of the varieties and complexity of the environmental issue.  

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参与人数 2大米 +54 收起 理由
perlin + 34
vincent11 + 20

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上一篇:紧急求助,托福考了整100,还需要再刷吗?
下一篇:9.14 求大神帮忙批改,小弟感谢不尽。。。
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perlin 2013-9-10 16:21:15 | 只看该作者
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本帖最后由 perlin 于 2013-9-10 16:22 编辑

这个话题其实很好写。

开头段:精彩!Topic Sentence: however, given the varieties of environmental issues and the limitation of individual ability I can hardly agree that a person can handle such a complex issue without any help of others.这句不仅语言OK,而且下文也确实是贴合这句话写的。

第2段:精彩!一个小建议To solve the resource shortage; to solve the water pollution; to solve the acid rain三句里面的the都可以去掉,另外三句都用solve虽然保持了队形很有气势,但会显得有点词汇贫乏,可以把后两个solve改成cope with, tackle, deal with之类的单词,或者更高级的GRE单词。

第3段:例子举得很好

第4段:the protection environment中间少了个of.  
           A sole environmental issue may involve with various subjects, including mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology, geology and so on.这句是不是说得稍微抽象了?老美听了不一定懂哦,可以具体举例:研究PM2.5需要知道光学、微粒化学、数学里的神经网络等等.1point3acres

其他的不作修改,整篇文章语言很好。整片文章还是蛮不错,raw score大致4分。但是一个问题是——全文都在讲一个论点(不知我有没有理解错),都是从“问题复杂需要很多知识一个人学不过来”这个角度讲的,论题展开的variety的要求好像没有充分做到。其实可以分其他论点来证明环保光靠一个人是不行的,比如环保的资金投入巨大一个人负担不起需要团体组织来运作(可以举例中国的北方防护林和Nevada到California之间庞大的调水系统)、环保本身其实是一种风气一人环保难以带动全民环保(可以举例对比日本台湾的全国垃圾分类和印度脏兮兮的恒河). Χ

求加米,谢谢

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参与人数 1大米 +3 收起 理由
ScottShao + 3 thx

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 楼主| ScottShao 2013-9-11 09:23:14 | 只看该作者
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perlin 发表于 2013-9-10 16:21 . check 1point3acres for more.
这个话题其实很好写。. ----

开头段:精彩!Topic Sentence: however, given the varieties of environmental  ...

感谢 perlin的修改~~ 话说raw score是什么?
“研究PM2.5需要知道光学、微粒化学、数学里的神经网络等等”
这些单词都不会 =。=
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perlin 2013-9-11 09:27:46 | 只看该作者
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ScottShao 发表于 2013-9-11 09:23
感谢 perlin的修改~~ 话说raw score是什么?
“研究PM2.5需要知道光学、微粒化学、数学里的神经网络等等 ...

raw score是考官给你打的初始分数,每篇作文5分对应15分,4.75分对应14分,往下推...

哈哈,现在还在练习嘛,可以查词典的呀~
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tacit 2013-9-11 10:22:22 | 只看该作者
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perlin 发表于 2013-9-11 09:27 . check 1point3acres for more.
raw score是考官给你打的初始分数,每篇作文5分对应15分,4.75分对应14分,往下推...

哈哈,现在还在练 ...

求版主大牛帮忙看下我这篇 写的很艰难
http://www.1point3acres.com/bbs/thread-71679-1-1.html
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perlin 2013-9-11 12:40:47 | 只看该作者
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tacit 发表于 2013-9-11 10:22 . .и
求版主大牛帮忙看下我这篇 写的很艰难
http://www.1point3acres.com/bbs/thread-71679-1-1.htm ...

版主是大菜[哔~]。。。好的帮你看看
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