科技会让人的生活简单吗~~求狠批~~

The progress of technology has alway accompanied advancement of standard of people’s life. Recently, a question arises: with the help of technology, are people’s life becoming simpler or more complex? Surprisingly, some individuals clams that technology complicates people’s life. From my perspective, however, people’s life are becoming increasingly simple, for the convenience the innovation of computer and advanced transportation have bring about.

To begin with, the innovation of computer technology brings people about more much than a electronic device. It has made the earth a little village. Nowadays, instead of sending paper letter, people employ e-mails to communicate with each other, even two individuals far away from each other are able to receive other’s mails within few minutes, making their communication quick and convenient. Besides, computers enable people to work efficiently. With the help of Words, Excel, PowerPoint, employees are able to easily organize their work documents and finish work with efficiency. Therefore, there is no doubt that technology has made people’s life simpler.

In addition to convenient aspects the computer technology has bring about, people’s lifes are also made easier by the fully developed transportation. People now can choose which ways, including airplane, bus, taxi, subway,train and ship, to travel around city, country or even the world. The advanced transportation makes previously impossible trip available. For instance, before the invention of airplane, if ones take ship, a journey from Shanghai to New York would not only take them months but also a large amount of cost, which is almost unavailable for ordinary people. On the other hand, the advance of transportation equip ones the ability to go anywhere they want. Accordingly, it is totally irrational to say that the development of technology has brought complexity to people’s life.

. 1point3acresAdmittedly, the progress of technology has also brought some troubles and originates dilemmas. For example, nuclear weapon has been a tremendous threat for every country, since it can readily kill millions of people; human cloning causes a panic among people, since it is terrible for people to have another “myself” in the world; even one of the most concerned issue--environmental problems are resulted from the progress of technology.

To sum up, although there are some side effects the advance of technology brings about, given the convenience and people’s simpler life it brings about simultaneously, these side effects seems secondary. And these side effects are also gradually eliminated by new technology, undoubtedly, people’s life will become rather simple in the future.

前几天放假，晚了几天 The progress of technology has alway accompanied advancement of standard of people’s life. Recently, a question arises: with the help of technology, are people’s life becoming simpler or more complex? Surprisingly, some individuals claims that technology complicates people’s life. From my perspective, however, people’s life are(is) becoming increasingly simple, for the convenience the innovation of computer and advanced transportation have bring about.(开头很自然，好！) -baidu 1point3acres To begin with, the innovation of computer technology brings people about（about去掉） more much （much more）than a electronic device. It has made the earth a little village. Nowadays, instead of sending paper letter, people employ e-mails to communicate with each other, even two individuals far away from each other are able to receive other’s mails within few minutes, making their communication quick and convenient. （例子本身不错，但是换做我会这么写：Today, instead of sending paper letters, people enjoy the speed of communication via emails. For instance, when Mr.Williams would like to show gratitude to Mrs.Swift for those delicious cuisines served in her dinner party last week, he might choose to send an electronic thank-you note to Swift's Gmail address, which can be received within seconds.可以感受一下这种写例子的风格，以及读起来的效果）Besides, computers enable people to work efficiently. With the help of Words, Excel and PowerPoint, employees are able to easily organize their work(work去掉) documents and finish work with efficiency. Therefore, there is no doubt that technology has made people’s life simpler. In addition to convenient aspects the computer technology has bring about,（这个词前面用过了，最好paraphrase: lead to/ cause/ conduce） people’s lifes are also made easier by the fully developed transportation. People now can choose which ways, including airplane, bus, taxi, subway,train and ship, to travel around city(cities), country(nations) or even the world. The advanced transportation makes previously impossible trip available. For instance, before the invention of airplane, if ones take（改：one takes a） ship, a journey from Shanghai to New York, would not only take them months of time but also a large amount of costs, which is almost unavailable (改成nearly impossible或者unaffordable/ formidable)for ordinary people. On the other hand, the advance （这个词前面用过几遍了，最好paraphrase: development/ evolution或者更形象地，blossom） of transportation equip ones the ability to go anywhere they want. Accordingly, it is totally irrational to say that the development of technology has brought complexity to people’s life. （这句话多余，TOEFL作文只要求你立论，没必要驳论。况且, 这个结论突然出现在文章里，下得没有来由。再况且，你这里讲“科技进步带来麻烦这种想法是totally irrational的”，下面一段又说“Admittedly，...has also brought some troubles ”,岂不是自相矛盾） Admittedly, the progress of technology has also brought some troubles and originates (好词) dilemmas. For example, nuclear weapon has been a tremendous threat for every country, since it can readily kill millions of people; human cloning causes a panic among people, since it is terrible for people to have another “myself” in the world; even one of the most concerned issue--environmental problems are resulted from the progress of technology. To sum up, although there are some side effects the advance of technology brings about, given the convenience and people’s simpler life it brings about simultaneously, these side effects seems secondary（更高级词：subordinate）. And these side effects are also gradually eliminated by new technology, undoubtedly, people’s life will become rather simple in the future.（结尾段写得非常漂亮！） 你进步超大的，例子举得很好虽然最好再练练，整篇文章读起来已经比较舒服，raw score估计至少打4.25分，再接再厉！

perlin 发表于 2013-9-22 10:12

thx 感觉好久没被改了。。。

perlin 发表于 2013-9-22 10:12

thx 感觉好久没被改了。。。

perlin 发表于 2013-9-22 10:12

thx 感觉好久没被改了。。。

perlin 发表于 2013-9-22 10:12

Accordingly, it is totally irrational to say that the development of technology has brought complexity to people’s life. （这句话多余，TOEFL作文只要求你立论，没必要驳论。况且, 这个结论突然出现在文章里，下得没有来由。再况且，你这里讲“科技进步带来麻烦这种想法是totally irrational的”，下面一段又说“Admittedly，...has also brought some troubles ”,岂不是自相矛盾）
这里我是想给段落下一个结论，是不是改一个其他句子会比较好呢？比如说
Accordingly, the development of technology enables people to live their live readily.

ScottShao 发表于 2013-9-22 13:37
Accordingly, it is totally irrational to say that the development of technology has brought compl ...

对的，这个句子就好一点