独立作文求批 教师对young children有更大的影响力in the past than today

三个观点：
1.e-learning的蓬勃发展会在一定程度上降低teacher的地位
2. 随着社会竞争越来越激烈，很多人会选择接受更少的教育，直接进入社会工作，这也会消弱teacher的影响力。
3.让步。teacher在一些行业中影响力还是很大的，比如研究性行业。


Nowadays, the profession to be a teacher seems not to be so saint as before because people tend to think that teachers have relatively smaller influence on them and thus hold less respect for the teachers. So do teachers have less influence now than in the past? Basically, I agree with the statement that teachers really play a less important role now.

First of all, the flourishing e-learning process does degrade the position and effect of teachers. The main responsibility of the teachers is to inspire, enlighten and instruct their students and this is exactly where the respect and admiration of teachers come from. But we can see that nowadays with the rapid development of technology comes a new form of studying and learning: e-learning. Many colleges encourage their students to take online courses and many problems and confusion now can be easily and efficiently fixed through internet, all of which serve to reduce the influence of teachers and render the teachers less indispensible as they used to be in the past.


Moreover, since the world is becoming highly competitive and many people tend to skip the process of getting enough education and get into the society much earlier than before. I have heard many cases that the parents thought letting their children enter the colleges and ensuring and supporting them to finish the college education is a vastly huge amount of investment so they would rather encourage their children to get into society directly after high school than let them go to college. Since nowadays the job market becomes increasingly competitive and sometimes students with undergraduate or even graduate diploma may not possess so many advantages and superiorities as before due to the fact that most employers are willing to take more into the consideration the practical experience and operational ability which basically cannot be taught by teachers so it seems reasonable to get a job earlier than before. This process also largely reduces the influence of teachers on the young children.

However, we cannot deny the influence of teachers especially for some careers. To those people who attach greater importance on materialism, the influence of teachers definitely seems to be less important as their minds are full of worship of money so it's understandable for them to make money as early as they can. But there are many different kinds of people out there especially in academic world who really want to do some valuable research according to their interests and for these people teachers play a necessary and inevitable role. Since the academic world is becoming more and more deep and specific, the most important thing of doing research is to find a small and specific field and delve into it. As for this reason, teachers have greater influence than before because the guidance and support is becoming more and more crucial and helpful.

To sum up, generally-speaking teacher does play less influence on young people nowadays with the fast-changing world but it's too absolute to ignore the importance of teachers as for some kind of professions.

三个观点：
1.e-learning的蓬勃发展会在一定程度上降低teacher的地位
2. 随着社会竞争越来越激烈，很多人会选择接受更少的教育，直接进入社会工作，这也会消弱teacher的影响力。
3.让步。teacher在一些行业中影响力还是很大的，比如研究性行业。

一道JJ题，比较好写

Nowadays, the profession to be a teacher seems not to be so saint as before because people tend to think that teachers have relatively smaller influence on them and thus hold less respect for the teachers. So do teachers have less influence now than in the past? Basically, I agree with the statement that teachers really play a less important role now.开头篇幅刚好，读起来很自然。

First of all, the flourishing e-learning process does degrade the position and effect of teachers. The main responsibility of the teachers is to inspire, enlighten and instruct （押韵词，大加分！） their students and this is exactly where the respect and admiration of teachers come from. But we can see that nowadays with the rapid development of technology comes a new form of studying and learning: e-learning. Many colleges encourage their students to take online courses and many problems and confusion now can be easily and efficiently fixed through internet, all of which serve to reduce the influence of teachers and render the teachers less indispensible as they used to be in the past.这一段语法语言都OK，举例还可以再detailed一些


Moreover, since the world is becoming highly competitive and many people tend to skip the process of getting enough education and get into the society much earlier than before. I have heard many cases that the parents thought letting their children enter the colleges and ensuring and supporting them to finish the college education is a vastly huge amount of investment so they would rather encourage their children to get into society directly after high school than let them go to college. Since nowadays the job market becomes increasingly competitive （跟前面有些小重复，最好改掉，比如the competition becomes increasingly fierce）and sometimes students with undergraduate or even graduate diploma may not possess so many advantages and superiorities as before due to the fact that most employers are willing to take more into the consideration the practical experience and operational ability which basically cannot be taught by teachers so it seems reasonable to get a job earlier than before. This process also largely reduces the influence of teachers on the young children.（这段的开头一句话，个人觉得是有点问题的，社会发展至今愿意受教育的人应当是在增加，而不是人们都倾向于早就业）

However, we cannot deny the influence of teachers especially for some careers. To those people who attach greater importance on materialism, the influence of teachers definitely seems to be less important as their minds are full of worship of money so it's understandable for them to make money as early as they can. But there are many different kinds of people out there especially in academic world who really want to do some valuable research according to their interests and for these people teachers play a necessary and inevitable role. Since the academic world is becoming more and more deep and specific, the most important thing of doing research is to find a small and specific field and delve into it. As for this reason, teachers have greater influence than before because the guidance and support is becoming more and more crucial and helpful.

To sum up, generally-speaking (删) （加a） teacher does play less influence on young people nowadays with the fast-changing world but it's too absolute to ignore the importance of teachers as for some kind of professions.
文章整体不错，篇幅足够，raw score 大致4分，举例子的篇幅占得比较大很好，但是例子不够detailed，感觉不到美式逻辑的味道，可以看看我给别人改的几篇作文有detailed example的参考范例，所以文章读起来像一篇很优秀的四六级作文。
还有个有点严重的问题，通篇很少提及young children这个问题，要注意命题人要求你写的是对于kids的影响，不是teenager更不是需要考虑competitive society的大学生。千万注意审题

perlin 发表于 2013-9-24 13:39
三个观点：
1.e-learning的蓬勃发展会在一定程度上降低teacher的地位
2. 随着社会竞争越来越激烈，很多人 ...

Thx~ 学到了~看了要改一下写作风格