第一次发作文，求狠批

题目是20年后世界上的汽车是否会变少？
第一次发作文，求建议！求狠批！20天后就考t了，谢谢！！
With the development of economy and technology,there are more and more cars running on the road.However,will this trend continue in the future,or,in other words,will the number of cars be increase?Though different people have different ideas towards this topic,from my perspective,there will surely be more cars in twenty years.
First of all,considering the rapid development of economy,the developping countries like China an India will become much richer and thus the people in these countries will then enjoy the convenience of having cars.What's moe,the great population of these countries will also give rise to the booming of car industry,and finally resulting in more cars.Take China for example,there are only one tenth of Chinese family now owns cars,according to a survey conducted recently,and that demonstrates a huge market.As many economist predict,Chinese will be much richer in 20 years ,and then,they may just purchase something that seems too expensive,such as cars.
Besides,the new technology in producing cars will also make the cars much cheaper.The price of the cars has been decreasing during the few years because new materials is used to replace metal,which is very expensive.And the electronic devices will also be much cheaper and this will also contribute to the cars'price going down.And lower price means a greater market for cars.Along with the price going down,the efficience of cars burning fuel will also rise.It is reported that the scientists are now putting efforts to refine a specific engine so that it will take less petrolium and will be much more environmental friendly.Besides,as is universally recognized,the cars nowadays are producing less gas because of appliance of new technology.These changes will definitely make the cars much more popular not only in developping countries but also in developped countries.And therefor,the numbers of cars will certainly rise.
Last but not least,as far as I'm concerned ,in 20 years,cars can still be the most convenient vehicles.Bicylces and motorcycles will be less popular because they are too slow and considering there will be more and more highways in the cities,these two vehicles will disappear at last.While trains and ships can't take people to the destination which is not far from them,they will not take the place of cars.And plains,as many suggest,will still be too expensive to afford to the ordinary people.So the dominating status of cars will not be challenged,and it may even be strengthened for the reasons that I talk above.
More cars running on the road may bring people great convenience an promote the car industries,along with metal industries and energy industries,develop even more fast and stimulate the economy.

@_@ 好像没有人回答...我就抛砖引玉吧^_^
我尽量说我有把握的地方，其他地方你可以自己再考虑斟酌一下。

1.英文写作的格式问题
  >>每个标点之后要空一个格。包括逗号，句号，问号这些
  >>英文的分段不是单个回车，而是空一行分段

.. 2.文章的架构问题
  首段重述问题并给出立场
  接下来三段分别给了三个理由：
  国家更有钱了；车也更便宜了；车的应用性最优
  最后一段总结
  这个结构是挺好的，不过如果是我，我会倾向于把最后一个理由放在最开始说，因为一个物品的优点才是你需要使用的最大理由，国家有钱了不一定都去买汽车是吧。。先把主要原因说了，我们有这个需求，再说它的可行性，国家有钱，车也便宜了，我们买的起。这样的话逻辑推理感觉更顺畅一些。

3.论证方面的问题
  >>第一段感觉还行，但是对于到底是“国家发展”还是“人口增多”导致了买更多车？“国家发展”与“人口增多”并没有直接的因果关系，或者你想把这两点原因都算上去的话，那你的论点就需要再扩充一下。额外，在第一段的末尾你提到：that seems too expensive,such as cars. 这个是不是跟你第二段的内容有点自相矛盾呢？
  >>接上，在这一段你通过举例科学技术对汽车的优化来论述汽车更便宜了，更affordable了，我个人感觉有点勉强。科学技术发展，汽车价格下降，这是两个现象，你不能把两个现象说出来，就说明它们之间有因果关系。我还是没有看的很清楚，为什么科技发展后汽车价格下降而不是上升？因为你科技的发展和优化是需要投入成本的，这个成本到哪里去了？我认为你应该阐述清楚汽车价格下降的是那些中低档次的汽车，而不是那些高档的有先进科技的汽车。就好比苹果6出来后苹果5就降价了，因为相比6，5的档次就低一些。理解这个意思了么。
  >>最后一段整体还行，但是为什么单车和摩托车会消失……至少在大学里是单车是不会的。而且对这一点完全不需要论述出一个如此有风险的结论。你为了凸显汽车的应用性是好的，但不能通过否定其他交通工具的方式，这样做太危险了。因为这么大的一个论证责任很难说清楚，况且你还没有数据支持。我们随随便便就能想出很多反例，自行车我刚才说了，火车的话你想想春运。飞机的话现在机票也并不贵，淡季的时候经常就是1 2折，况且就算坐不起飞机那就买得起汽车吗？如果只是去坐汽车的话，对汽车数量的增加又有什么关系呢？这中间的逻辑链你需要展开，不能就这么jump into conclusion了。

4.细节方面的问题
  >>拼写错误：作者基础功不够扎实，developping(developing), moe(more), developped(developed), therefor(therefore), plain(plane), China an India(China and India)还有一些其他的请作者自己仔细看...
  >>其他建议：
       thus...then...感觉多余，删掉一个比较好；
       there are only one tenth of Chinese family now owns 既然用了复数are, 那后面就应该是families，并且there be句型中后面的动词应该是非谓语，要么用owning/owned/to own，不可能用原型，就算用原型，也应该主谓一致用复数own。
       for the reasons that I talk above. 主语是reason，那么后面的talk要加about，因为不能talk reason...
       最后一段主句就是第一句了，主谓宾也齐全了，along with没有问题，但是为什么后面又出现了一个develop？这里是不是应该用伴随状语之类的用developing会比较好

大概就这样啦@_@...（弱弱吐个槽：看到标题说20天后就考了于是十分热心的开始写批改……写到一半发现这是去年的帖子…………。。。。。。然后又不甘心的继续写完了。。。T_T估计帮不上原作者了。。希望来看的同学能有一点点收获吧